Anonymous: I’m really interested in going anal only as a lady, but I have 2 concerns. 1) no matter how much lube I use, with toys I always seem to bleed. Is it going to be less common with a guy since its skin on skin? and 2) I really, really don’t ever want a gape. I don’t want the muscle to get loose or do damage so i ever feel uncomfortable using the bathroom or that I’m gonna fall out. But I LOVE sex, and love anal when I do it myself. Any solutions to reduce muscle wear over time?

You might just need to go more slowly and with smaller toys at first. Even with lube, stretching a bit too much too quickly can cause minor bleeding. If you do encounter bleeding, just stop the play and let it heal for a day or two. Try something like wearing a butt plug for a while before doing other forms of anal play to help relax the area beforehand.

Gapes are not permanent and not really the result of stretching (except in extreme cases). They are the result of gaining muscle control and being able to consciously relax those muscles. Anal play and sex with penis-sized objects will not cause muscle damage (assuming the proper warmup). It is possible to cause damage with larger objects, but that’s extremely rare and it’s of course also possible to safely play with large objects. Regular safe anal play increases your muscle control over the area and you can more easily tighten or loosen at will. Loss of muscle tone from anal sex is a myth. Using your anal muscles strengthens them.

I’ve seen a bunch of people who started off vaginal, but then have gone anal only.

Are there any couples who planned to go anal only from the beginning? Like from a virginity fetish, or they did anal only before marriage to preserve virginity, but then decided to stick with it exclusively after marriage?

(Also wonder if there are any girls who started out doing the anal only hetero thing, and then decided they were lesbian and gave up on men).

There certainly are women who started with anal and decided to stay with it and choosing deliberately to avoid losing their vaginal virginity. There are also couples who pledged on their wedding night to go anal only together from that point forward.

Anonymous: Thank you so much for what you are doing. I never knew before how many others were just like me. I want to find a girl just like me who would prefer to have only anal sex. To me anal has always felt right. It looks better and feels better, and vaginal doesn’t. But how can you say this so that they’ll understand? At least now I can see there a huge numbers who suffer the same way but just want to get on having the sex that feel natural to them and that helps. Please keep publishing.

Thanks. That’s what this is all about, helping people realize they’re not alone and that it’s actually a fairly popular opinion people of every gender are just afraid to admit sometimes out of fear of being mocked.

Anonymous: I just wanna say thanks. I was scared of anal first, but your blog made me so horny and interested in it. I offerred my ass to my bf and now anal is the only sex I’m getting. No risk of pregnancy and it gives me the best orgasms 🙂

I love to hear success stories such as this! Getting people horny and interested is my aim. What’s more, we need people like yourself spreading the word that there really is nothing to be scared of.

I hope the two of you continue to enjoy your enhanced sex life. You can be assured you’ll have made your boyfriend very happy by going anal only!

I heard a story from a friend, and he was talking about a work colleague who wanted to try anal sex with his fiancée – he bugged her for ever for it, so on the wedding night she decided that this was the one thing she could give him that she had never done before – the so called virgin on the wedding night thing – and apparently she enjoyed it so much that now she only wants anal!

From here.

Anonymous: I’ve been watching this blog a while and theres something I’ve long thought of asking: Now that so many people are having anal and its losing the stigma do you thought people will be more open about just wanting anal? I know lots of guys just don’t get much out of vaginal and would prefer anal-only. Will it be acceptable soon? I wouldn’t be surprised, given all the interest I see, if it wasn’t around 50% that feel this way. For myself, I can’t imagine a life without anal, just how it is.

As a preference for anal and a desire for anal only has less stigma attached to it, I think more people are going to admit their preferences and that vaginal sex doesn’t do much for them. And that, in turn, will reduce the stigma further. There is safety in numbers, and the more people who are honest about it, the more others will too.

There definitely are many people of both genders who do not get much out of vaginal sex, and in many cases they just keep trying with something inferior either out of fear of mentioning it or misinformation about the alternative. That’s one of the main goals of this site, to get people talking about anal sex more honestly and admitting their desires and preferences to themselves. If someone needs anal sex to have a fulfilling sex life, there’s nothing wrong with that. They just need to find someone compatible, and as we can see from the response to this site so far, there are more compatible people out there than one might expect.

Anonymous: I always hear stories about some lucky guy, who happens to not really be all that into anal, ending up with a girl that prefers it to vaginal, or better yet, she loves anal and it is the only way she can get off. Where and how do I find a girl like that? I’ve recently realized that a girl of this sort is the only girl that can give me my ideal happy sex life.

The reason you hear about the incompatible people (where one person in a relationship wants anal and the other doesn’t) more often than relationships with two anally compatible people is because the compatible people are happy and not posting public questions asking for advice.

Meeting someone who is into anal, or anal only, is not easy. People generally are not going to advertise their sexual preferences up front, in part because that attracts creeps.

Anonymous: If I love anal, should I refuse to be romantically involved with someone who does not share my love?

Everyone has different needs. If anal sex is a need of yours, then you will likely encounter troubles in a relationship with someone incompatible with your needs.

I have been with my boyfriend for close to 2 years, we started having anal within a few weeks. now we do it all the time, for me I don’t have worries as im not on birth control, and the orgasms are insane, I am addicted and we do it sometimes 4 times a day, he tries in my pussy, but I just want anal, I  love him licking my ass, fingers everything, is this normal? I completely agree to a anal only lifestyle

Completely normal. If you love and prefer anal, there’s no reason to use your pussy. Anal feels better, it’s natural birth control, it’s sexier, it boosts arousal, it’s more intimate, and it’s… just better. Don’t ever stop.

For those of you who want to introduce your wife or girlfriend to the pleasure of anal sex, but need to advice on how to proceed, read this article. It is particularly aimed at those with partners resistant to trying this new experience, whether it be due to irrational fear or ignorance about the subject.

Here’s an extract:

The first goal is to help her overcome any social conditioning and/or general disgust that she feels towards her arsehole currently, and to do this you’re going to try to introduce her to the pleasure that can be enjoyed by her arse, but without pushing her boundaries too far. This is of course a balancing act, and you would be well advised to err on the side of caution. In addition, it’s worth bearing in mind that this is certainly not going to be a quick process. This could easily take a few months. The longer you’re willing to invest, the greater your chances of success…