Anonymous: A friend convinced my girlfriend that anal sex is untold agony. That she had it accidentally slipped in and she couldn’t walk for days. Now my girlfriend is convinced it is disgusting and very painful, not even letting the gentlest of touches there. Any advice on how to talk to her into possibly trying it?

If she’s made up her mind against it it will be hard to convince her to try anything. You can ask her if you can try rubbing the pad of your thumb against the outside of her anus during vaginal sex or cunnilingus, and assure her you will not try to slip anything inside unless she tells you to.

If you do make any sort of progress with mild anal play, don’t spoil it by trying to jump right into full anal sex. Take things very slowly and let her know that you’ll go at her pace. Just stick with external stimulation for a while until she wants to try a (well-lubricated) finger very gently inserted. You should only be trying to insert your penis once she can comfortably fit something the same size after having worked up from a series of smaller but increasingly larger objects. I’m talking weeks to a month or more of regular anal play before you even consider full blown anal sex. The actual amount of time depends entirely on each person’s preferences and body.

I think in order to convince her to try anything at all you have to tell her that you’d like to show that it can be pleasurable for her and not painful and assure her you won’t try to go too fast and take things very slowly. And also tell her up front from the start that you think she could really enjoy it, but if she doesn’t want to try it you’ll respect that.

santanatruth: Me and my gf dont have anal but she lets me finger her anus and lick and kiss and all the other stuff but she wont let me use my penis. Any tips that might make her want to take it to the next step?

Keep doing what you’re doing but make an extra effort to make things even more pleasurable for her when you’re doing anal stimulation. Finger her ass during cunnilingus and vaginal sex, and try to be giving her some sort of anal stimulation whenever she orgasms. Ask her if she’d be interested in wearing a butt plug during sex, or using anal beads. Anal beads can be awesome when pulled out while she has an orgasm.

Don’t rush into trying to have full blown anal sex. Don’t make putting your penis in her ass your priority, make her loving anal stimulation and desiring more of it your priority. Anal sex has a far greater chance of occurring if she loves and becomes very comfortable with anal play and wants it as a regular part of sex.

Anonymous: Thanks! Because of you, we are anal only since august.. At first she did it just to try it, and then, when we tried do to it in the vagina, she felt a huge pain that almost made her cry. I asked her if she wants to go anal only and she agreed. Now she wouldn’t take her birth control pills because she thinks it’s a waste of time and money since we are not doing anything in the vagina until we start having kids. So I guess we’re stuck with anal..

analk1ng: Congratulations! There’s nothing wrong with being stuck with anal. You’ll both find yourselves enjoying anal only so much more. And as you’ve discovered, there are additional benefits. I’m curious though, about that pain – it sounds like there is more to your story. Had vaginal sex always been difficult?

Vaginal can be uncomfortable for some women, and only through regular use does it stay tolerable or enjoyable—and even then, it may not always be all that enjoyable. In contrast, after experiencing anal pleasure for a while, going back can be quite an uncomfortable or even painful surprise.

Anonymous: I’ve noticed when I have anal with my wife (which I also prefer btw!) when I go in past about 4-5 inches it gets tighter or narrower again. If she’s super relaxed it can be easier to go through this other “ring” but otherwise I have to push carefully. It feels really great so I always want to try to do this if we have anal, and some positions are better than others. What is this and just to be sure is it safe for her to go this far?

On average the rectum is only 5 – 7 inches long before the bend into the sigmoid colon occurs. Your wife may have a slightly shorter than average rectum and so you encounter it more easily. It’s perfectly fine to penetrate beyond this point if you’re careful at first each time—it can be painful to have something run into the bend before it’s been temporarily straightened/relaxed. However, the risk of running into unwanted fecal matter is higher beyond this bend as well, so just be aware of that possibility.

Well I had anal sex with GF for the first time (first for both of us) and Im pretty sure that was a totally rocky play and she did not enjoy it as she expected and I might made couple a mistakes. But she said she felt something new which she wants try more.(if she did not felt that. that would be the end of the anal play for both of us for sure)So we did it for the second time.Well for the second time she said she can get used to it and can really enjoy it too.Third time was a bliss for her it is like some thing new in her just born. coz I’ve never seen that she act before in sex like when we had our third anal try. Since then we had sex only couple time in vigina. I’m looking forward to the fourth time and pretty sure she does too.But Im not rushing it. Let the urge of her increase day by day 😀 Then only anal for the first time..let see what would she say 😉

kinghut: Anal only for 11 months and counting. Truly the greatest pleasure in life! Before it, we would barely have sex, maybe once or twice a month. Now, it’s everyday, sometimes up to three times a day. Changed our world, as did the wonders of tumblr!

Glad to hear it! Going anal only has saved so many relationships that had a virtually nonexistent sex life before.

Anal sex, once you’ve tasted it…is far superior for the penis to any other form of sex. It is soft, tight, non-reproductive, you’re not just limited to back-and-forth moves but can enjoy all the squeezing the sphincters and rectum can provide

From: “I Only Get Anal Sex From My Husband”

taylork503: This is a helpful blog. I hope people can learn from here and enjoy the same as my gf and I who’ve been anal only for over a year now. It can be done if you both want it enough. What we did was go for a months trial of just anal we only ever had vaginal a few times after. The mistake lots of people make is not having enough anal, just now and then which means she never has time to get used to it. It doesn’t do any harm, she has much stronger orgasms plus she was able to give up birth control.

Thanks for sharing! Totally agreed on not giving it enough of a shot—while some people may realize they love it immediately, it can take some time for most to get used to it and you have to stick with it to really discover the benefits.

blazingmedic: Ok, I want to try anal but my wife is totally not open to it. What do I do?

You have to take things very, very slowly and talk with her and see if there’s anything she’s willing to do, as well as doing very small things like very lightly rubbing the outside of her anus with your thumb during oral or vaginal sex to see if she responds well. If she does like it and you keep doing it, it will help build a positive association of good feelings with that area. If she doesn’t want her anus touched at all, there isn’t much you can do. But if she does, you can then ask her if you can insert a finger sometimes during other sex, etc., and slowly progress from there. You want to go very slowly and only escalate to something more when she’s fully comfortable and willing. Always do it in conjunction with something she finds pleasurable.

You should never try inserting your penis until she can comfortably fit something else the same diameter after having worked up slowly to that size over some time. So if she’s hesitant to try you might frame it as wanting to introduce anal play into your sex life, with fingers and toys, but that actual anal sex with your penis would be off the table until she’s comfortable and confident enough to try it.

She may have other reasons to not want to try it, however, and if so you’ll have to talk with her to see what those reasons are.

Anonymous: I don’t understand how anal sex is more natural. It’s scientifically proven that vaginal sex is the natural way, women don’t conceive from anal sex. Other than that I love this blog, I just don’t like the fact that you’re treating anal sex like a religion. No offense intended, keep up the good work.

There is no doubt that from a reproductive standpoint the vagina is what nature “intends” to be used. However, the vast majority of sex is non-reproductive, and for the purposes of pleasure anal sex provides more advantages than vaginal. Therefore for many people, for pure pleasure alone, anal is more natural because it’s better suited for the purpose. Sure, there are some areas where it has to be adapted to that use (lubrication, preparation, practice), but it has has numerous natural properties that make it superior.

Also, as a sidenote, from the standpoint of sex purely for pleasure, the fact that it is not possible to reproduce from anal is one of its advantages.