Anonymous: do you know of any websites that are geared toward women to help them learn how to have more “comfortable” anal sex? my girlfriend shoos me away any time i go near it, i think all of her past experiences with it have her too concerned about the pain factor (i’m big, but not “huge”)

Update December 2018: Visit our Anal Sex Advice & Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle page for a new section of this site that serves exactly this purpose.

Most good anal sex guides out there (and there are quite a few) focus on this issue more than any other. You can read through the archives here, where I’ve addressed this a number of times in the past, as well as this recent post.

Fundamentally, the key is a combination of lube, gradual warmup and increase of size over as long a period is necessary, and patience. You start with small toys and/or fingers, and slowly increase the size she can comfortably fit, stopping if anything is painful and trying again later. The amount of time varies wildly from person to person, with some able to painlessly go straight to anal sex and others needing weeks or months of training first. Everybody’s different, but with the right practice/training nearly anyone can experience painless anal.

OK so we all love sex and apparently all love to talk about it too, but there’s one thing that can kill a conversation faster than the rest – anal sex.

For some reason anal sex has remained a taboo subject in the UK and getting to grips with anal sex problems can be a bit of a mystery to some.

The only place you can really find out more is in pornography and we all know it’s a lot less realistic shall we say, than what actually goes down.

But does it hurt? Is it clean? How many people actually do it? Why would I want to?

Continue reading and take quiz

My girlfriend only wants anal sex and I really don’t feel comfortable with this. I am a strict Christian I do not believe that this kind of sex is either appropriate or godly. I only go along with it because I love her but it makes me feel very dirty what should I do?

I am supposed to be marrying this woman in August of this year. When I met her six years ago she never asked me to do this and our sex was far more enjoyable but she completely rejects vaginal intercourse now and I find this rather perplexing.

I have tried talking to her obviously but she says that she prefers it and I can’t understand why.

Uh, maybe because it feels better for her?

What is wrong with these people answering the questions, too?

What kind of reason does she give you for not wanting vaginal intercourse? This would be a big red flag to me, and keep in mind that this likely won’t change without some work addressing this issue.

Treating a love or preference for anal and a dislike of vaginal sex as an issue that needs “work” to resolve it is terrible and just serves to shame and condemn people whose bodies work differently from others.

i can’t understand why either. i am a girl and i’d prefer vaginal sex. i don’t think that anal sex is a turn on. and plus it hurts.

We’re in desperate need of broad anal sex education if the average woman continues to believe anal sex has to hurt no matter what. A combination of a lack of education on the subject and bad experiences with guys who don’t know how to prepare a woman for anal sex is ruining the most pleasurable form of sex for many people.

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Anonymous: Is it normal that when I first had anal, it didn’t hurt that much? Hahaha

Everybody’s built differently, and it comes more naturally to some while others have to work up to it more in order to achieve painless anal. If it’s something you want to try rather than something you’re being pressured into, that can certainly help, but there are people who want it and have the hardest time while others don’t want to try it at first but find it to be virtually effortless and feel great after they do.

She says shes never had anal sex before, but when we tried it there was no difficulty getting it in. Is she telling the truth or lying?

This is incredibly frustrating to me. The first time they tried anal it wasn’t difficult and painful for the woman, so in his view she must be a liar who has been fucked in the ass before.

First, everyone is different, and some people have no problem taking cock up their ass on their first try. There are plenty of people online who report their first anal going seamlessly with no pain or difficulty at all.

Second, maybe she prepared for it by fingering or toying herself before. Maybe she’s masturbated anally on her own in the past because she likes how it feels. Maybe she thought things through ahead of time like a rational human rather than just letting a guy stick his dick in with no preparation.

A few good responses:

Let me just say that the first time I had anal, it wasn’t hard for him to get in and it didn’t really hurt me like I thought it would. I wouldn’t judge by that, plus my b/f kept asking me if I had anal before, so he may have had the same thought as you, but it really was my first.

Maybe she read a lot of articles and books or whatever on anal sex and knew how to prepare herself for it. Maybe she prepared her “tight little a$$” with a buttplug or something before you came over to cornhole her.

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Anonymous: Anal sex may be very hot sometimes, but for me it just isn’t as satisfying as regular sex. Why? Because my husband cums waaay faster with anal than with vaginal sex, which mostly leaves me horribly unsatisfied.

You could always compromise by asking him to bring you to orgasm first when you’re going to have anal, either through oral sex, fingering, or some vaginal sex if that’s what you need—then move on to the anal. Something to get each of you off.

You can also start with some anal play to get you warmed up and partway there already before he starts.

Anonymous: I always see women on dating sites asking “why is a good man so hard to find?” Well, I’m asking “why is it so hard to find a woman that craves anal sex?” My ex wife never wanted to try it, but my last GF LOVED it! Now, that’s all I want!

There are more women out there who love anal sex than many may think, but most people don’t advertise their sexual preferences publicly. That can be a good way to get harassed by a bunch of creeps, unfortunately.

In a recent post on the Anal Only Lifestyle forum, a user asked:

Porn almost always depicts Anal being done in an very rough manner, which never ceases to amaze me as I’ve never met a girl who could take it so hard and fast!

Is this just another porn fantasy, or does it really happen in the real world?

This response in particular stands out, but follow the link below to read the full discussion.

My girlfriend and I have anal sex on the regular. We totally skip vaginal. My girlfriend doesn’t miss it at all. We always start out with lots of ass play. I usually eat her ass for 10 minutes then stretch it open with my fingers and medium sized butt plug. When she’s nice and loose she pushes the plug out and Immediately insert my cock into her pre-stretched asshole. We always start anal missionary. After she cums in 2 minutes I can then begin to absolutely pound away at her ass. I can pull out and reveal a beautiful gape at which she pulls her asshole open for me. I can then pretty !much come and go as I please in her ass in every which way. I can fuck her ass hardest reverse cowgirl. She screams in pleasure as I thrust ever so roughly into her ass.

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moist2wet: I can be a bit of anal slut with the right person. It really depends on his cock size and his restraint. It takes me a little while to get relaxed but once he’s in me, balls slamming my ass cheeks. Oooooooo my gods, best night ever!

For those of you who like or WANT anal sex here are my tips:

1. Let her control the speed.
If I say I want your cock in my ass, I fucking mean it! But I’d like to do it my way, because I know how it feels good and when it feels bad. If I stop and start a lot, don’t get frustrated. Keep encouraging me with your voice and your hands, and that gorgeous hard cock I am dying to have inside me.

2. Make it hard.
A hard cock is a good cock, is the ONLY cock for anal sex. My ass is tight, I seriously have squeezed a guy’s cock out of my ass just because I was enjoying myself that much. (Note: orgasms make your ass squeeze and contract.) It was funny as hell or frustrating as hell, and had me going, “Put it back in me!” something quick. But I can’t take a limp noodle, there is no way it will get in my asshole; so do what you need to do to get hard as a rock before making your way to my tight anus. I will always volunteer to suck that beautiful dick, moaning all the while.

3. Lube is your friend.
Lube your cock with spit, my pussy juices, or over the counter lubrication. Then lube my ass up in a very slow, thorough, and arousing way. It helps me relax in multiple ways and will make pounding my tight little hole that much more enjoyable.

4. Communicate.
First of all, I love hearing dirty talk, your enjoyment in groans and moans, and also if things feel ‘not so great’. If the angle is bad or it’s not feeling right, I am sure as HELL going to tell you, so you better respect me and do the same. Also, tell me before you’re going to cum and fill my ass with your spunk. Because I absolutely LOVE focusing on your spasming cock when you do.

My boss basically begged me to write this article because he thinks I’m obsessed with buttholes. I don’t realize it, on a day to day basis, but I guess I do talk about them a lot.

I remember reading something online about how guys can’t sniff a butthole without getting a major boner. I think about this a lot. Is this why guys stare at butts so much? Because they’re thinking about sniffing them? That’s so funny and weird. But really, I can fully stand behind this because one of the first things I want to do when I have a naked butthole in front of me is sniff it, and then put my tongue in it, and then try to get the owner of the butthole to let me put other things in it.

[…]

I have dated a few girls who exclusively liked butthole sex. Like, I would try to please them vaginally, and they’d be like “no, no. Put it in my butt.” I always think of these girls as being like magical butthole unicorns, out there flitting around somewhere where I can no longer see them, but loving anal every day. For these girls, their butthole is indeed the new vagina.

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