torecite: I am having issues trying to introduce my girlfriend to anal.. she still doesnt feel pleasure and I dont even try to penetrate yet. Tips for givin her the push I need?

If she’s being introduced to anal play for the very first time, chances are she needs to play with her clit—or you need to play with it—while the anal stimulation is occurring. Make sure you’re using lube, going slowly with both external and internal anal stimulation, and that her clit is being stimulated at the same time. Try rubbing and/or fingering her ass while eating her pussy. Same during vaginal sex. For a lot of people, you have to start in combination with a known pleasurable feeling.

Anonymous: I really want to do anal because I know my partner wants it so bad! I just don’t know if it’s safe?

As with any sexual act, or most things in life, anal sex can have some risks, but these can be mitigated by educating yourself and practicing safe anal. Always use lube, practice and train—alone, with your partner, or both—before attempting sex, warm up by starting small and working up in size during each session, and very importantly, don’t do anything that hurts! If it hurts, it means you either don’t have enough lube, aren’t warmed up enough, or just aren’t ready for that size yet. And it also means you could injure yourself if you continue, so stop when something hurts, wait for the pain to fade and either try again more slowly or drop back to a smaller size for a little while before trying again.

Anonymous: A lot of straight people do anal only for awhile to preserve virginity for marriage or a special person. A lot of lesbians have tried sex with men, before realizing their preference and then no longer being with men. Are there any of these lesbians whose only straight sex was anal? They must be out there, but no one seems to be fessing up to it. And also straight couples who have done anal only without starting out with vaginal first.

There are definitely anal only couples who went straight to anal only and skipped vaginal. I’m sure, in fact, that every scenario you’ve described exists, even if I haven’t specifically heard of it.

addicted2livelovemusic: Hi I was wondering how to make anal sex more pleasing for me and I would like to know what do I need to do to prepared myself for it thanks you

You should spend time exploring anal play on your own, with your fingers or with some toys. Masturbate using a preferred method at the same time to help start to associate anal stimulation with pleasure, and always be sure to have something in your ass when orgasming. Over time, increase the size of what you’re playing with, and each session warm up back to that size before continuing. When having anal sex, also start small and warm up to the size of the penis involved, then play with yourself—at least at first—as you’re penetrated.

In short: lube, practice, warmup, masturbate at the same time.

Anonymous: Is coconut oil an okay lube? My husband and I have been using baby oil as a lube every time we did anal because honestly, what girl doesn’t look hot when she’s slathered in oil? Anyways, we heard baby oil isn’t the best because it can cause the vagina to become irritated. I was going to go out and buy water soluble lube but Jesus Christ I hate that stuff. It doesn’t last as long as oils do and it drives me insane. I don’t want to stop in the middle of an amazing as fuck to add lube again…

Coconut oil is very commonly used by a lot of people with no issues, and is pretty frequently recommended lately. I’d suggest giving it a try and see how it works for you. There’s also silicone lube, which lasts a lot longer than water-based, but should never be used along with a silicone toy (it can bond with it and ruin the toy).

zz1035: Can add onto your anal prep advice for the anon… My wife and I have been doing anal for 20+ years… I think we have had 3 accidents. Just have a towel ready or wet wash cloth. Like you said go 10-15 mins before… I finger her ass and that gives me an idea if anal is going to be a go for the night…. And take your time and relax

Indeed.

Anonymous: Do you have any tips on how to prep for anal? I’m just petrified on the what if something “extra” comes out and that would just be beyond embarrassing.

Always go to the bathroom 15 to 30 minutes before any anal play session. Except for right before you need to go, the rectum generally stays empty. Try experimenting on your own with anal play to see for yourself and get more comfortable.

Some people will use an anal douche to flush out the rectum. The trick is to not get the water too deep—you want to clean the rectum but not beyond into the colon, which will end up causing a greater mess unless you then do a full enema (which isn’t advisable on a regular basis). For most people, this probably isn’t strictly necessary, but it can work for some.

But also recognize that sometimes, no matter what you do, there’s just a chance that there might be a mess. It’s really not a big deal, and if you have a partner who wants to have anal sex with you, they should be able to deal with any messiness that might occur in a mature manner.

Anonymous: is bad to leave a plug inside my butt all day? (taking it out just for the obvious and lubing).

Not unless it hurts. If it hurts, you should take a break. Otherwise, you’re fine. It’s not going to cause any sort of permanent looseness or anything, but it could put pressure on nerves depending on how it’s shaped and what positions you’re sitting in, etc. Plenty of people do it without issue, though, so give it a try and see if it works for you. One plug might be uncomfortable all day while another might work just fine.

Anonymous: So, when my girlfriend and I first started dating, she was very anti wanting to try anything anal. But recently, she let me finger her anally, and was surprised that she actually enjoyed it. However, she’s still timid about trying full anal penetration, even though I know she’s the kind of really freaky girl who would really love becoming an anal slut. What are some things I can tell her/do with her to make her realize how much she will enjoy it, and that it’s not anything to be scared of?

Don’t be pushy and try to get her to do something she’s afraid of and thinks will be painful—chances are it will be if she’s really worried about it. Rather, discuss that you’d like to slowly work towards being able to do that, but going at whatever pace is necessary for her to feel comfortable trying it and confident that it won’t hurt.

And then, just keep including anal play—fingering, butt plugs, etc.—in your sex life, gradually working up in size over time. If anything hurts, stop doing it, take a break, and try again smaller for a while. At some point she’ll be able to comfortably fit things the size of your penis (whether it be a toy or multiple fingers), at which point you may consider anal sex.

The two of you should both read up on proper and safe anal sex practices from a variety of sources, and she should experiment on her own at her own pace as well, to become familiar with her body and how it responds.

The key points: always use lube; always stop, take a short break, and try again smaller if something hurts; and she should play with herself during anal penetration both to relax and to help develop the connection between anal stimulation and pleasure.

Anonymous: I have never been more proud than to say I have finished my first year of anal only lifestyle. It’s taken a lot of self training and discipline. Not just for me but because my now boyfriend is a bit shocked to learn what I’m into! The good news? He tried playing with my cunt and I am now unable to cum from pussy stimulation! Looks like it’s bottoms up for life!

Congratulations! Stories like yours have led me to think that for some people it can be a good part of the process to try out vaginal again after a period of being anal only. For many, as you’ve discovered, it seems to provide good perspective on how much better anal is for them and a realization that vaginal just isn’t that good in comparison.