Anonymous: I enjoy anal play however I’m new to it. My orgasms are strong fiercer and come a lot quicker than vaginally. My only problem is I’ve never prepared prior and I’d like to surprise my man with a gift by preparing. What do you suggest as the best way?

Do a quick anal douche to flush out the rectum—no deeper—and insert a butt plug for him to remove.

It can take some practice to just douche the rectum and no further, so you may want to try a few times on your own beforehand. If the water goes too deep inside you without doing the process of a full enema, it can make things more messy for a while.

Using a butt plug is a good way to relax in preparation for anal play/sex. Inserted half an hour or so before a session, you should be good to go.

Anonymous: I am currently away from home in Afghanistan. I was trying to get my wife to train her ass for me when I get home. She said she tried for a while with plugs and vibes but they made her feel like she was going to have a bowel movement and she felt like she would not be able to control herself. Is this common? What should I tell her to do because I really would love to get a slice of that bootay when I get home.

That’s not uncommon when starting out. If you’ve gone all your life only using your ass for one function, it’s not surprising that when you first start to use it for other purposes, your brain still interprets the sensations of something in the rectum as if they are signaling the need to go to the bathroom.

Fortunately, it’s not too hard to get past this. First, she should always go to the bathroom first and make sure she is empty and doesn’t actually need to go. Armed with that knowledge, she should insert a lubricated toy (not enough lube can sometimes trigger the feeling of needing to use the restroom as well) while playing with her pussy and clit by her preferred methods. It’s very important to combine known sources of pleasure with the anal penetration to help untrain the sensations of anal only meaning a need to go to the bathroom and to start interpreting them as another source of pleasure. She should definitely try to orgasm as often as possible while she has something in her ass—even if it’s just a finger. Anal really can amplify the pleasure of orgasms.

It’s also not uncommon for things to start getting uncomfortable after a short while when starting out. She should only keep plugs in for as long as they are comfortable, even if that’s just a minute or two at first. Then she should try again later and see if she can go a little bit longer, and repeat as she continues to get more used to the feelings and starts to get pleasure from them.

So, to sum up: always use lube, always play with pussy/clit during any any penetration—at least while getting started—and work at it incrementally only for as long as it’s not uncomfortable/painful.

Anonymous: My boyfriend found this site and so we’ve been talking about trying anal only for a while. While I’m not entirely against the idea, I’ve been arguing a lot with him about clitoral stimulation. He said that there shouldn’t be any of it. I disagree, because I don’t think it would affect him at all. Can you provide any good reasons for me to not play with my clit during sex?

First of all, there is no right way to be anal only, aside from completely excluding vaginal penetration. Excluding clit play is an option that some people choose, but it’s not necessarily for everyone.

Why would a man want a woman to exclude clit play during anal sex? Because it’s really, really hot to see a woman enjoying and being completely satisfied by anal penetration alone. Some couples also find it distracting and that it can get in the way of the mutual intimacy of sex, but that’s not universally the case. However, not everyone can, and many need to develop the ability over time.

One approach to developing fully anal orgasms does involve ceasing clitoral play under the theory that it short circuits the ability to orgasm anally because your body has become dependent on clitoral stimulation to trigger the orgasm and so you don’t orgasm from other means.

You could suggest starting out with clitoral play during anal and over time down the road experimenting with reducing how much you need and seeing if it’s possible for you to orgasm entirely from anal. That may involve just gradually tapering off how much clitoral stimulation you need, or it may involve occasionally trying a week or two without it. You may simply discover that you do need clitoral play, in which case he should respect that and be happy he’s got an awesome girlfriend willing to consider going anal only.

Anonymous: Me and my girl have tried anal be she complains about it hurting and I enjoy it a lot any tips ?

Train and warm up more first. If it hurts, she isn’t ready for anal sex. Start with something small like a finger, gradually increase the size until she can fit something the size of your penis painlessly. Always use lube.

This has been published pretty much everywhere that talks about anal sex by now. A simple Google search will reveal hundreds of articles on how to properly have anal sex with no pain.

Anonymous: Me and my boyfriend really wanna do anal, but for some reason whenever we try it’s too painful and it doesn’t work… However, not long ago, we were able to do anal very briefly without any pain or discomfort without lube or training… We have training butt plugs and “booty relax” lube but nothing seems to work… I don’t like the feeling of fingers in my bum unless I’m wearing gloves :/

I really don’t recommend any of the so-called “relaxing” lubes—they generally are masking pain, and pain is an important sign during anal. It tells you you’re going too fast, too big, too soon and should stop before you injure yourself.

Sometimes everything just happens to be just right and people who haven’t prepared for it can have anal without any pain, but that is not the norm.

Is the dislike of fingers due to roughness of skin/sharpness of nails? Gloves can be a perfectly suitable solution in those cases, especially if you don’t want to trim nails. It’s also possible for sweat from your fingers to cause a slight burning sensation, so you always want to wash beforehand.

Essentially, if it hurts when you try anal intercourse, you either aren’t ready to consistently have it yet or you haven’t warmed up enough for it in that particular session. If it’s the former, you’ll need to keep working up in size with toys.

If the latter—which is possible since you have been able to have anal once without pain—you may need to expand your anal foreplay/warmup sessions. Play with your clit throughout all of this, using fingers or a vibrator—whatever works best for you. Start with your boyfriend rubbing your anus externally with the pad of his thumb. If both of you are into it, having him rim you is an excellent starting point to help you relax. Shift into him either inserting a lubricated finger or small toy and gently moving it in and out as either he or you play with your pussy and clit. After a few minutes, try a second finger or the next size up toy. Keep going through this process. If it gets to a point where it’s painful, back off to the previous size for a few minutes before trying again.

Using this process, you should be able to work right up to the size of his penis, at which point penetration by that should be no more painful than anything else. If it is, then the last size toy you were able to work up to probably wasn’t close enough in size to his penis and you may need another step in between sizes.

To aid penetration, “push out” as if going to the bathroom at the same time to help relax your anal sphincter muscles. They work differently from most of our muscles, in that they’re clenched shut tightly when relaxed and loosen when flexed. The more practice you have, the easier that gets to do, and it can really help. You can also try alternating between pushing out and relaxing as he gently pushes in—it feels great for him, and it sort of “sucks” him into you.

You may wish to start out in a position where you control depth and angle, e.g. you on top sitting down onto him. Whatever the position, once he gets fully inside you, you should stop and just remain there for a moment (continuing to play with your clit) as you relax around him and then slowly start moving.

It’ll probably take a few tries, and possibly more training/warmup processes as needed, but you can definitely get there. Just remember that, especially when starting out, you’ll need to go through warmup/foreplay before every time you have sex, and if anything hurts, stop immediately and go back to a smaller size until the pain fades and you can try again. Never try to push through the pain, it’s not worth it and can result in an injury, which is no fun for anyone. Pain just means “back off a minute, I’m not ready for that just yet!”

Good luck, and I hope you have lots of awesome pain-free anal in your future.

Anonymous: Thank you for the informative blog. My wife and I thoroughly enjoy Anal and she too has much better and more powerful orgasms this way. We are careful to warm up and use lube liberally. Two questions please: 1. We impose limits on this activity out of fear that her anus muscles will loosen over time obviously effecting her quality of life. Is this a rational concern? 2. Have you ever heard of shooting/cramping pains following anal intercourse?

I’m glad to hear you’re both enjoying anal sex.

1. Safe anal sex, with proper warmup and no pain, is not known to cause any long-term issues and is believed by many who have practiced it for decades to actually tone and strengthen anal muscles. Most stories of sphincter muscle tone loss as a result of anal are the result of injuries and damage, not safe and painless sex. Extreme anal play (fisting, very large toys) may be more likely to cause issues, but even that is not guaranteed to if you play safely and warm up. There are people who have been getting anally fisted for 20+ years and report zero issues with long term looseness. It is normal to be a little looser for a little while after, of course, but things go back to normal soon enough. It’s also possible when more anally experienced for it to seem like things are looser, due to increased muscle control and the ability to loosen/relax at will. I wouldn’t be at all concerned about it when there are couples who have been having exclusively anal sex 3 to 5 times a week for decades and report zero problems and wouldn’t do anything any differently.

2. This could be due to intestinal gas getting compressed during sex and causing cramping, or it could be the angle/depth and hitting certain spots. Hitting the bend into the sigmoid colon too quickly when it’s not straightened out can cause shooting pain.

A few select quotes from a discussion on female anal orgasms:

I personally know female anal orgasm is real. I had an ex in my 20s who though we tried and tried for clitoral or vaginal orgasms , would get frustrated and say im sorry baby I just cant, put it in my butt lol. She literally could only have an orgasm through anal sex. I will say ive never since been with another like her but her orgasms were more intense than ive seen and caused noticeable vaginal contractions and sometimes she ejaculated as well. It is no myth I assure u.

Speaking from experience they are the best orgasms ive ever had…it felt awkward at first and really unusual but i prefer anal over vaginal sex…its literally eyes roll back in head, whole body contracts and orgasms kinda thing without even touching vagina or clit…the harder my Dom does it the better it feels…he prefers anal sex over vaginal too so it works out well

Source

Anonymous: Tried anal with my gf for the second time first time was testing if I fit lol, I took it slow and got eventually all of me in it felt abit weird. I’m new to it the experience was fun for me but its the first time I heard her moan uncontrollably. Normal she been with the pleasure, but she couldn’t get a word out 🙂

Done correctly, anal can be incredibly pleasurable for a woman. If she loved it that much that quickly, chances are you’ll be having more anal in the future.

That was the question asked on Quora.com

To which Emma Strzelecki replies:

Absolutely. But like many women I used to hate it, now I can’t get enough of it.
There’s actually data that shows women who include anal sex in their play have the highest rate of achieving orgasm, 94% do! 

Anonymous: I’m no writer, but one day I’d like to write a sci-fi novel set in a future where anal sex is the norm, and vaginal sex is passé. Do you think it would sell? 😛

If you ever do, let us know about it! The world could use some more anal only fiction!