You were helpful in your response to my last post. I thought very hard about what you had said. Which is not easy to do as I don’t get much time to myself at the moment. Still, I know that will change so I need to be looking to the future.

I normally wouldn’t expect to get answers to such personal issues, but it is kind of unique and you write so eloquently about the subject without forcing your views on people. I think that deserves recognition.

I am missing the connection that we enjoyed during our love making while I was pregnant. I’m not sure if it’s just a rose tinted view now I have more demands and less sleep, or whether it was the hormones during pregnancy. They do make women feel good about themselves (I guess there has to be some compensation for all that we must go through!). Perhaps I can’t recapture what we had but I want to try.

I simply don’t always have the energy, while my husband gets more sleep so he’s much more often in the mood for sex. I wasn’t trying to sound ungrateful for his affection. I’ve made a point of returning it and attempting to have sex when he’s aroused and I’m not.

I had never imagined my anus would be such a source of fascination to him, and that the anal during pregnancy was just temporary. Perhaps he had other ideas.

The short of it is that we’re going to try to continue as we were for the time being. It works out ok as not much effort is required from my side (I just don’t have it in me right now) but he can have me gently as we used to with me on my side. In it’s way it is kind of comforting and brings back good memories. Since it is unhurried and my husband is being very considerate right now I’m not experiencing much discomfort. Still wishing I could be more responsive for him though.

Kind regards,

Kay.

Thanks for the followup, I’m glad that you’ve decided to stick with it and work to gradually get back to what you had during your pregnancy. I’m confident that you’ll get there, and it will just take time. Continue communicating honestly with each other and recognizing that the time post-pregnancy is a difficult time for everyone in terms of sex, energy, and mood in general. It can and will take time to get things back to “normal”, and it takes an effort from everyone to do so. Sometimes you just won’t have the energy or be in the mood for sex, and that’s okay and normal.

Your energy, mood, and enjoyment of anal as it was before will return in time.

Anonymous: God was not made human penis to push it into feckalias. What would you do once anal become boring to you? This is the same way to human selfdestruction as drugs provide. Love is all we need. You do not know to provide and get love.

Humans are pretty good at adapting and evolving to what works best for us, and anal works far better for sex than vaginal. And, unlike vaginal, anal doesn’t get boring. There’s nothing destructive about it. Maybe you should try it instead of attacking people who enjoy things you don’t understand.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

dildowife: I think the anon is jealous because nobody wants to have butt sex with him.. ?

Anonymous: I would very much like my wife to ignore (and allow me to ignore) her vagina/clitoris when we have anal sex. I think it would be more proper somehow if we could just focus on the beautiful anal connection we have instead, but I’ve been feeling a mixture of guilt and awkwardness so haven’t told her what I want. I wish I had more confidence but don’t think it’s too unreasonable as at other times I pay attention to her pussy. Any ideas how to approach this?

Rather than framing it as a “negative”, e.g., wanting to ignore her pussy, approach it as a “positive”: how much you love her ass, how sexy it is, how good it feels, and that you want to focus more on it. Make her ass feel good, and make her feel good about it, and she’ll probably want to do more anal, and you can just keep gradually transitioning towards an anal focus together. As this happens over time, you can start talking about it more and reinforcing it with conversation.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: I don’t think he needs to suggest it at all. By leading his wife and adopting certain positions for anal, it becomes difficult or impossible for either of them to access her clitoris or vagina. This is the approach that I myself have taken. In turn, this will allow them both to focus exclusively on the anal penetration, which is a highly arousing and bonding experience for both. By repeating this often enough I expect him having to discuss ignoring her clitoris and vagina will be a non issue.

Furthermore I would say to him not to feel guilty or awkward as it is a perfectly understandable wish to want to concentrate fully on the most pleasurable and intimate connection possible for a man and wife.

But by all means, continue to make her feel good, positive and sexy.

blastingloads-fillingholes: It sounds like an issue with perception. Remember that shame is often self imposed. In the grand scheme of things, enjoying anal is fairly harmless; just enjoy what you like and give yourself that freedom and liberty to explore who and what you are as a person.

Absolutely. It’s not just “fairly” harmless, it’s completely harmless. It’s a positive, not a negative.

Anonymous: My SO can orgasm anally but it takes a very long time to get there? Is that normal? Also, given that we sometimes need very lengthy session in order for her to climax is there a recommended position that’s comfortable (or makes her climax quicker) for both man and woman for long bouts of love making? Have a change around often means a pause which sets her back a bit.

It’s not abnormal. Some people orgasm from anal extremely easily, others take more effort to get there. Everybody’s different, both physically and in the habits and experiences that make something easier or harder.

Given that, which position is comfortable can vary from couple to couple as well, so I would suggest simply experimenting with different options and settling on what works best for the two of you.

Hello I’ve written to you before about my girl and myself. Yesterday I was catching up on you blog as I usually do and I read the post about anal play for women. It got me thinking about my own experiences and how for the average woman it is all about perception. She’s thinking what will my husband/boyfriend think? What would my friends think? And above all that they don’t want to be seen to be liking anal sex.

Now that we have anal sex often and she admits that she enjoys it she still doesn’t want to admit it is better than vaginal sex. The thing is that I know her better than anyone and I can tell from her behaviour and reactions that anal is better for her. She is so much more passionate and alive during anal sex compared to vaginal. Does she think I can’t see this?

Back to the point: Is (as the article you linked suggests) that women don’t want to be seen as a slut? No way would I think of her like that. But it’s my idea that that’s what is holding people back from wider adoption now.

That’s a big part of it for some people, the idea that it isn’t “normal”, or is a thing “sluts” do, or a fear of judgement from partners. It’s not the only factor, but it is a factor.

Anonymous: if you don’t mind me asking, how did you first get into anal and what makes you like it more than vaginal? Thanks

dirtylittledolly: I’ve always been “into” it. Just was afraid to go big. Idk it’s just way better than having my pussy used. There is no other way to really say it.

gapefan: “Pussies are for babies, Assholes are for Fucking!” – Kelly Wells

She saw the truth before most, and she’s exactly right.

analonlylesbian: Do you think the movement is growing or staying constant? I still see people regard it as a fetish.. I try to spread it myself, but other than my blog I haven’t made any progress.. It doesn’t seem to matter what I say.. 🙁 I just really want to see the day where “masturbation” means anal.. But I guess it’s early days for the movement? Anyway.. I guess it’s not really a question and I could’ve just messaged you, but just wondering what your thoughts are on it. Hope you have a good day~ ^_^

It’s continuing to grow, slowly but steadily.

To some it’s just one of many fetishes, something to play with from time to time or to use as a sort of fun “punishment”, etc., while to others it’s a way of life.

Anal has to reach widespread normalization on the same level as other sex acts before the majority of people will consider enjoying anal exclusively. It will get there.

nana020810: It turns me on watching a large black dick pounding some innocent ass. I enjoy anal with my fiancée and I really get into bad girl need to be dominated mode. The problem is not being able to tell when it’s “okay” to do it or if it will get messy. He will instantly stop if he sees anything. Are there any ways to prep or do you have suggestions because I would love to do anal only or at least to try. Thanks!

Start with a balanced, high-fiber diet and go to the bathroom before having sex. If that’s not clean enough for you, try a small enema bulb with warm water after going to the bathroom—just a few small flushes should clean out the rectum enough to have sex. You don’t want to overdo it and get too much water in at a time, so lean towards a smaller amount multiple times in a row.

You definitely should go anal only, it sounds like you’d love it!