Anonymous: That’s the plan! If we both still love it like we do so far we’re going full time anal only! I think it’s pretty much guaranteed tbh and I’m really excited, I’ve kind of fantasized about it for a long time but I was embarrassed to ask for it until now and I think he’s really into it too, so we probably should have done it before, but at least we’re doing it now! It’s so good! Thank you so much for your blog and inspiring everyone to try this.

Excellent to hear! I kind of figured as much, since in my experience when someone tries anal only and starts raving about how much better it is, there’s a pretty good chance they’re anal only to stay at that point. Good luck!

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: It’s also an enormous sense of freedom to throw off the chains of stifling sexual conformity – AKA vaginal (procreative) sex. No longer doing what you are told to do, but instead with your natural inclinations and what feels best.

I don’t doubt at all that he’s really into it. He probably was as equally embarrassed to ask for what he wanted most. However, while most men are quietly enthusiastic about anal, it seems to be the women who are most vocal once they’ve tried anal.

Anonymous: Checking in with Anal Only April! We’ve been doing it for a week and a half and it’s been really, really good! We decided to not use my clit at all this month unless it got too hard to continue, but I really like not using it. It can be kinda frustrating and hard sometimes and I still have to remember not to touch it, but it makes me a lot hornier without it and even just this far I’m cumming a lot harder than when I always rub my clit. It’s really true that it’s just better without it.

That’s great you’re having a good time with it! Enjoying and exploring is what it’s all about. Since you’re already seeing the benefits of being anal only and avoiding playing with your clit, it’s really likely that it’s going to keep getting easier throughout the month and you likely won’t miss either your pussy or clit much by the end of the month. If that ends up being the case, I strongly suggest just continuing as you have been and not returning to vaginal.

This article on anal play and anal sex and the ongoing societal evolution towards increased adoption and acceptance is worth the read.

Social norms and expectations are a constant subject of change and evolution. Sexual stigma and what we find to be an acceptable and healthy part of our “intimate diet” are things that, luckily, get re-written. This brings us to anal play and the notion that enjoying it makes someone a slut.

There’s a popular perception that anal sex is not for “good girls”, that they don’t do it, or at least never initiate it. The common narrative goes like this: women don’t like anal sex, it’s something that men want of them, and if it ever ends up happening, women are often coerced into it, or agree to do it just for the sake of fulfilling that “male fantasy”.

That narrative is not only untrue, but problematic on several levels. At the outset, it raises huge issues about consent, and feeds into the toxic model of masculinity (for instance: that men have bigger libido than women, that men coerce women into engaging in certain activities in the bedroom, etc.). The idea that women don’t enjoy anal sex also disempowers them and takes away their sexual agency as beings with their own sexual desires and complex sexuality.

Continue reading Anal Play for Women: Does It Mean I’m a Slut? at b-Vibe.

Anonymous: Hi I’m a girl and a virgin and I’m interested in anal but I don’t really know how to get started. I also wanted to know about anal orgasms if it’s not too much trouble to ask. I also really like your blog!

Hello, and thank you!

The key with anal when starting out is to start small and slow and gradually build from there. If something hurts or feels uncomfortable, back off and try more slowly or with something smaller.

The anus doesn’t self lubricate much for most people, so you’ll want to add some sort of lubrication whenever engaging in anal play or sex. Real sexual lubrication is often best, though you can experiment with other things—natural vaginal lubrication, saliva, coconut oil, etc.

Most people are naturally fairly clean in their rectum except right when they need to go to the bathroom, so long as they have a fairly balanced diet. A small, quick flush out with warm water using an enema/douche bulb or a squeeze bottle of some sort can be used to flush anything else out if you want to make sure you’re fully clean. Small amounts is key here, you don’t want to use a large volume of water and get it beyond the rectum, which can end up causing more of a mess.

To begin with, just try a lubricated finger. Rub gently around the outside of your anus and across it, until you feel yourself relaxing and opening up a little bit, then slide it gently inside. If it hurts, back it out and rub outside again before trying again. Repeat until it’s painless. Once one finger feels totally comfortable, try two fingers instead, and keep repeating as desired. Spreading your fingers apart can help stretch the muscles for the next size, too.

Once you’re comfortable with several fingers, you might want to get a dildo and a butt plug to start using. Butt plugs are fun to wear around in general, but also as part of masturbation or during other sexual activities, and they provide a sort of passive stimulation and training/stretching. Dildos are, of course, more active and can be used for anal masturbation.

As far as anal orgasms go, everyone’s a bit different, but the same principles apply for any sort of penetration-based orgasm—as you explore anal penetration and stimulation, see what positions, angles and depths feel particularly good to you and feel like they might be able to grow into an orgasm, and focus on repeating that, building the sensation towards an orgasm. You can also of course combine anal penetration with clitoral stimulation for a different sort of orgasm, which tends to be far more pleasurable than just your clit on its own, though if your goal is an anal only orgasm, clitoral stimulation can interfere/distract from reaching that point. Anal orgasms often take more time to reach but are also often more rewarding.

Hope that helps some! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

Anonymous: What do you like most: the feel or the look of a woman’s anus? I ask because for me what got me into it was not thinking about any difference in sensation but how much better it looked. When you see a cock being gripped by an ass it looks so natural like it was meant to be. Do you know what I mean? And when I look between her legs that’s immediately what my eyes fix on. And have you noticed how individual anuses are?

Personally, I like and appreciate both very much. Like you, it was the aesthetic difference which first turned me on to my preference for anal. I was naturally drawn to a woman’s anus more and found it very appealing to look at, and in porn before I tried anal sex myself, it visually looked much more natural to me.

Upon actually trying it, I also preferred how it felt compared to vaginal, which further reinforced that preference.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: Ditto. I feel it is almost indisputable the a woman’s anus looks more attractive, neater and simpler than a vulva. Additionally an anus looks more naturally formed to receive and grip an erect penis.

Anonymous: Why do more white women participate in anal sex more than women of other nationalities?

I somewhat doubt that’s the case, and haven’t seen any statistics to back it up. Perhaps you could share if you have any?

For more information on dildo and butt plug recommendations, see our guide to Butt Plugs & Dildos for Anal Training & Masturbation.

Anonymous: Can you recommend a (smaller) dildo for anal masturbation? We’re currently at the 2-3 finger stage and started using smaller plugs, but she still needs something nice to masturbate with.

I don’t really have any specific dildo recommendations—there are so many out there, and everyone has different needs and preferences, so a generic recommendation is hard to make. I’d suggest going with a body safe material like silicone rather than jelly or something a bit more prone to issues. Figure out the approximate diameter of three of your fingers together and look for dildos in that size range. If you have a sex toy shop locally, I’d really suggest going in together and picking something out in person, where you can actually see the size and shape directly and not just take a guess with something online.

Sorry to not be more helpful with a direct recommendation! Maybe someone else has something they could suggest.

Anonymous: I’m a little longer than average and while my girl doesn’t like deep vaginal but goes crazy for deep anal. She’ll be almost bent double knees up to her boobs so I can get it all up there. No complaints from me as it feels great. But I’ve read the colon bends and I worry that I may damage something some time. Doesn’t seem to concern her but I’d like to be sure its okay. Thanks.

If it doesn’t hurt her and doesn’t cause bleeding, it’s perfectly okay. You want to avoid painfully forcing something past sharp bends in the colon, but with warmup and practice it’s perfectly fine and safe to pass those bends—they straighten out temporarily in the right positions and with practice. Everyone’s a bit different, too, unless either of you notice when you pop through the bend and can really feel that happen, it’s likely she just has a longer rectum and can fit you fully inside without passing beyond into the colon.

Enjoy! Sounds like you both have a great time with it and are lucky to have a partner who enjoys the same.

Anonymous: I’ve been married for a year and my wife (who previously has hinted she would into trying anal) told me she doesn’t like the idea. What do you recommend for “beginners”?

Talk to her more about it. Ask her what she doesn’t like about the idea and what her concerns are about doing it. Try to have an open discussion, and don’t push her, just have a conversation together. Most people’s concerns are either overblown or the issues they’re worried about can be easily avoided with a little effort.

Advice beyond that depends on her concerns. But people just starting with anal, especially if they aren’t that into the idea yet, should usually not even consider anal intercourse at that stage, and should start with rimming, external massage, and light penetration with a finger or small toys in combination with clit stimulation.

If you do have a conversation, feel free to follow up with more specifics.

Anonymous: I’ve been told that the only reason some women say they don’t like anal is they quit after only about 30s. I hear that after just a minute or two it starts to feel really nice. I can’t believe people miss out by not even giving it a fair chance. Is this true?

While I can’t say whether those specifics are correct for everyone—that they’re giving up in under a minute and that it will always start feeling good after a couple minutes—it’s true that a lot of the people who have tried anal once or twice and then decided it sucks and isn’t something they like didn’t do it properly and didn’t give it a fair chance, and if they were to revisit it with an experienced partner or with an understanding of what’s involved in the process of enjoying anal, most people would very much enjoy it.