bruceiancandace: Any suggestions on getting my wife. To try anal. She likes it being licked and probed with a finger or an extremely small vibrator. But wont let me in with my dick.

Keep doing what she does enjoy and make it a regular part of your sexual routine together. Gradually increase the size that she’s comfortable with—once a single finger comes very easily to her, try two fingers, then in time, three, etc. As she starts to enjoy bigger things, get some more toys, butt plugs, small/medium dildos, and the like, and keep easing her into it more and more.

You can’t just jump straight from a finger to a penis most of the time. Everybody’s different, and some find anal comes naturally to them right away, but it’s a gradual process for many. Let her guide the pace while you just gently and gradually push it forward, and you’ll get there in time.

Be sure to make her cum a lot while you have your fingers and toys in her ass.

whorewife1286: So a brief thought. I’ve been anal only for more than a year now for various reasons. Hubby says he wants to start using my cunt again and I’m kind of sad about it

You should have a talk with him about it and tell him how much you’ve loved being anal only with him and that you’d prefer to stay that way. If nothing else, maybe you can come to more of a mutually appealing compromise.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following responses.

alwaysanalblog: I’d say let him use your cunt again, and I believe very quickly he will start to see sense. People often crave what they cannot have and in his case it has probably built up into an unhealthy obsession, where his imagination has overplayed how much he used to enjoy vaginal sex. A dose of reality should cure him of this self deception.

itwasapleasuretoyearn: Anal only is the best way to go. I hope you (or someone else) talks some sense into him!

Anonymous: I introduced my GF to anal about a year ago and Im trying to incorporate it regularly whenever we have sex. During sex she enjoys it and can take me, only thing is, is that she says that her ass hurts like a day later. Does she need to relax more or is it just like working out, the more your muscle works out, the more it gets used to it, and it doesnt get sore?

It’s a bit of both, more relaxation and gradual warmup before sex as well as lower key anal play between having sex can help reduce muscle strain from when you do have anal sex, but it’s also just like any other exercise and with more practice and experience she should start to avoid most soreness.

Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now. He introduced me to anal sex one year after we met (and I loved it), but with time, he started to spend way more time on anal sex than on vaginal. Two months ago, after we started kissing and I sucked his cock as usual, I expected him to lick my pussy then fuck it like we do, but instead he licked my asshole (for the first time, I really liked it) then he went straight to anal sex. Since then, we only did anal.

At first I didn’t say anything, but eventually I started to feel frustrated, so I told him about it. To my surprise, he then looked really distressed, telling me that he hated vaginal sex and just couldn’t cope with it any more. He told me that for years he did it just to please me, but couldn’t do it any longer, which to me felt like a shock. He assured me that being anal only made me feel frustrated now, but with time, it’d change into horniness and pleasure. He directed me to your blog.

And what do you think about this? His needs and preferences for anal and desire to be anal only are perfectly valid (and more common than many admit to), but your needs are valid as well, and in a relationship all partners get to have a say and come to a mutually agreeable solution. So it’s good that you’re both talking more openly about this now.

It sounds like you enjoy anal a lot but perhaps don’t get as much satisfaction from it in terms of orgasms at this time, and so are frustrated as a result of that. Is that a fair assessment? Would you enjoy being anal only if you were able to orgasm more easily or often? Would it interest you to try and work towards that as a goal? Or do you want to stop being anal only and go back to vaginal or a mix of vaginal and anal?

If you would like to stick with it and simply work to make it more satisfying for you, there are a lot of things you can try. Do you currently combine clitoral stimulation with anal penetration during sex, or do you forego vaginal/clitoral stimulation entirely? A lot of anal only women still combine clit play with anal in order to orgasm, and that’s a totally valid thing to do if it’s what you want and what works for you and keeps you satisfied being anal only. Others started that way and then worked over time to move away from clitoral stimulation and focus on developing their ability to orgasm from just anal. And still others dive straight in to pure anal only with no vaginal or clitoral involvement and use their arousal and frustration over time to help get to the point where they can cum from anal (or in some cases they enjoy the frustration and denial and choose to just go without orgasms and enjoy anal pleasure on its own without needing to cum to be happy, but that may not be relevant in this case).

Combining clit play with anal to orgasm is generally pretty straightforward and easy and probably doesn’t need much explanation. Developing the ability to orgasm from anal is a bit more complex and involved and can be different for each person, but ultimately is well worth it once you can do so, and anal only orgasms are amazing. Often it just involves a lot of practice and experimentation, seeing what feels good during anal and focusing on that to try and get closer and closer to the edge, giving in and relaxing, and paradoxically, not trying too desperately to orgasm sometimes.

Do you masturbate anally as well? If you don’t, I would really encourage trying it. Being able to do it at your own pace and really take the time to see what feels good for you and where your anal pleasure points are can help to unlock anal pleasure, plus it can make anal a lot more arousing by thinking of it as a way to masturbate and get pleasure for yourself on your own and not just something your partner wants to do to you.

So, in short, if you would like to continue sticking with anal only, it’s certainly possible to move past issues of arousal, frustration and orgasm. Do feel free to follow up with more questions or share what you ultimately decide to do if you like. Apologies for the late posting, I’ve been slowly working through my accumulated questions in my inbox and trying to get to everything as quickly as I can.

Anonymous: Just read your submission from yesterday about husband too large for comfortable deep vaginal. same problem. On the plus side anal is easier and I’d happily do that all the time, only my wife likes some attention to her pussy and she can get sore after several days anal. I’m not complaining as I know she tries hard to make sure I get as much as possible. I sure love that ass!

If you want to work up to more frequent anal without her getting as sore, I’d suggest trying something like doing it every other day with a bit of anal play or use of a butt plug on the days in between and then gradually increasing the frequency from there, doing 2 days on and 1 day off, then 3, etc., and if you build up gradually enough, she should comfortably adjust to it without getting sore anymore.

And there are plenty of anal only couples and women who are anal only in terms of sex or penetration but still include clit stimulation or cunnilingus in the mix, so there are options and variety available if you wanted to pursue anal only together but strike a balance that works for the both of you. Beyond that, many more focus almost exclusively on anal with just the smallest amount of occasional vaginal. I see that as more of a temporary compromise, though, and I think most who hang on to a small bit of vaginal just haven’t quite let go of it yet despite seeing how much better anal is, and with time they’ll get to the point where they’re ready to go fully anal only.

Hi..
Me and my wife are going anal for a while now but after every session she tells me that she is not enjoying it and she prefers vaginal sex to anal although every time i hint that we may have anal today she cleans herself and prepare for it and she try make sure that we have sex on that day and when we do after i relax her ass she bounce on my dick hard tell i cum..
We are really open and communicates a lot but i think she is afraid of going anal only or thinking she’s a slut how can i make her open to me and speak about her true fillings

It sounds like she is communicating her true feelings by telling you that she doesn’t enjoy it, but she keeps doing it for you anyway. Instead of ignoring that, I would suggest that you talk about what you can do to make it not be painful for her and to feel good for her and see if she’d be more interested in doing anal if you can get to where it’s something she really enjoys. Make it about her pleasure and make sure she knows that you want her to enjoy it a lot and feel good too and she may be more open to the idea.

And then, actually work together to figure out what she needs from it for her to enjoy it. Figure out what hurts or is unpleasant about it for her. Is it actively painful during? Is she sore after? Or is it something else? More practice and warmup, more lube, or a changing of the frequency of how often you do anal (whether more or less frequent depending on circumstances) can help overcome most issues with anal pain. Get her warmed up, turned on and relaxed. Rim her ass for a while before—it feels good, builds anal arousal, and really helps to relax her. Give her orgasms during anal sex as often as you can. Do everything you can to make it a really enjoyable and pleasurable experience for her. You already know you love and prefer anal sex, so if you want to do it more often with a partner who also enjoys it a lot, focus on her pleasure.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response.

alwaysanalblog: He’s most of the way there: He has a wife who honestly talks about her feelings and will still satisfy his desires for anal even though she doesn’t enjoy it as much. A wife prepared to meet a husbands needs regardless is a treasure who should not be ignored. Women are more wired to please but this natural tendency must not be pushed or taken for granted.

All I would add to the above advice is to rim her ass A LOT, not just a while. It’s the #1 factor in both turning a women on to anal and relaxing the anus for penetration.

Anonymous: Recently my foxtail buttplug broke (the tail fell off so now it’s just a plug) and my first thought was “now I can be plugged all the time and work up to anal only!”

Excellent! Train that ass of yours as often as you can and work to move away from your pussy and you’ll be well on your way to anal only bliss.

Anonymous: Hello! I really wanna do anal, but I’m a anal virgin. I have a vibrator and occasionally play with my ass. What training can I do?

Keep up the occasional anal play and start to make it a lot more frequent. Getting into a routine of frequent anal penetration is one of the best ways to start training, and I advocate making it a standard part of your masturbation routine—every time you play with your clit, play with your ass at the same time. Regularly make yourself cum while you have something in your ass, further developing the association between anal penetration and pleasure.

As you feel comfortable doing so, try putting gradually increasingly larger things in your ass. Fingers are a good way to start, first with one, then two, then three, etc. Once you’ve run out of fingers to comfortably fit, try getting a butt plug or a dildo that looks like a good size a little larger than what you’re comfortable with already at that point. Just keep going gradually up from there at a pace that works for you, and once you’re around the size of an average penis without pain or discomfort, you’re probably ready to try it with a partner. Make sure it’s someone you trust and who will be patient and take their time if you need to pause or adjust or if something starts to hurt, and just listen to your body and back off if something starts to hurt, then try again.

Good luck and enjoy!