Anonymous: Hi, I hope you can help me with this because I’m at a loss of what to do.

I’ve been anal only since 2014, when my boyfriend at the time and I tried an anal only challenge and really enjoyed it and decided we would keep doing anal only afterwards. We were together another three years, then I hooked up with various guys for a while, all anal, and they all enjoyed that I was anal only and I never had any trouble with it. My last boyfriend came out of that and we were together the past two years before breaking up for other reasons.

I’m now seeing this new guy and I really, really like him, but he doesn’t want to just do anal and wants vaginal too. I really don’t want to have vaginal again and lose my 6 year anal only streak, but I’m afraid if I tell him how important staying anal only is to me, he won’t be interested in staying and will want to leave. What do I do?

Isn’t it interesting how so many women turn out to love and prefer anal and it’s often the guys they meet who are more closed to the idea and end up wanting to stick with vaginal? Obviously there are many guys who know better and also want anal only, but it just goes against the traditional myths and misconceptions about how it’s guys who prefer anal and women who don’t.

I strongly suggest being open and honest with the new guy. Presumably you’ve only done anal so far, since you haven’t lost your anal only streak yet, and he’s been hinting that he wants vaginal too? Talk to him about being anal only and that you don’t want to go back to vaginal, and that you much prefer anal and like doing only anal.

If he understands and goes along with it, great! If he has any concerns, talk them over with him and see what they are. Chances are you can avoid most of the issues and come up with a mutually satisfying result.

And if he doesn’t understand, then honestly he’s probably not a good fit for you. There’s more to a relationship than sex, but being sexually satisfied is a pretty fundamental component of a relationship for most people, and if being anal only is what you need, going into a relationship that you know won’t work for anal only and which you’ll have to often do sex that you don’t much enjoy, may not be sustainable long-term for you and may end up leading to frustration and resentment.

Are you the man or woman? What was the biggest challenge, and what worked?

Lots of different responses, a couple of which are featured below:

As a woman and maybe a rarity, I had to convince some of my boy and girlfriends to give me the anal attention I wanted. My husband, however, took very little convincing, of course. As to convincing other girls to allow anal play, a little alcohol never hurt as well as open communication and gradually easing into the physical aspect of it. It was introduced to me while a friend was going down on me. I was so into it that when she went lower, I almost didn’t realize she had her tongue in my ass. But again, we had spoken about it before she even tried. Oh, if and when you get into the full act, LUBE LUBE AND MORE LUBE.

I’ve had success in the past with girls who claimed not to want anal by slowly working ass fingering into your routine. Works especially well while eating pussy… start thumbing her asshole gently while going down on her and stop eating pussy if she objects… then do the same next time until she associates the two. Also start rimming her ass… start with kissing her all over (most girls love this) and get closer and closer to her ass then pay it more and more attention.

Several girls I’ve been with who started off not wanting to do anal at all ended up really liking it after doing stuff like this.

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Anonymous: I’ve loved your blog for a long time, and I am glad that you’re active on Bdsmlr again like you were on Tumblr! I’ve reached out to you there before, a few years ago, but your blog inspired me and my boyfriend to go anal only way back in 2015. We’ve stayed anal only successfully since then and when we got married a couple years ago we vowed to be anal only together as part of it. We’re thinking about having kids now, and we’re going to try out non-vaginal ways of getting pregnant first, but it also seems like you’re okay with vaginal sex to get pregnant, is that right?

Thanks! I’m glad I helped inspire you and that you’ve stayed anal only since for the past five years! That’s wonderful.

Vaginal sex to get pregnant and anal for everything else is consistent with the ideas of the anal only lifestyle, for sure. But, as you’ve noted, many people who stay anal only long enough like the idea of never going back to vaginal, even to get pregnant, and so often try to look for other options, whether that be artificial insemination, or ejaculating during anal sex and spreading open her vagina to let it run out and back into her. Whatever approach you decide to take, good luck and enjoy your anal only future together!

My husband and I recently started anal after 23 years of marriage. My hormones are changing and I’m horny all the time. I want anal everyday more than vaginal sex but he still loves my vagina which we call Kitty but I love his dick in my ass which we call Peaches. Tonight is the first time he has specifically asked just for Peaches and it made me so wet. I never thought I would even like anal but I now prefer it. Tonight I’m going to wake him up with a lubed ass and put his dick in. I would love to try anal only how do I talk him into it?

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The reasons why I like being anal only and aspire not to touch my pussy at all.

• Anal is hot. All men like it. It’s a fact. Why would I offer anything less than the best way to fuck?
• No touch for the pussy is the sweetest mindfuck ever. Less touching definitely doesn’t mean less thinking or desire. When I’m on no touch – the only way to have any release is to have him fuck me. And that leads to the next point.
• I’m constantly horny. I remain aroused even after my ass is left gaping. And I jump at every opportunity to have sex. No “headaches” ever.
• I put more effort into looking good for Him and finding time for sex. It does wonders to my self-confidence and bolsters our relationship.
• We have sex more often. Almost every day, instead of once or twice a week. That’s a huge difference.
• Anal is more intimate. Not everyone even does it. That alone makes it special. But there is more to it. It requires more trust and willingness than any other form of sex.
• Anal is a ritual. Just think on it. You have to prepare before it and measure your pace at the start. It’s more deliberate. At least on receiving side. And the intensity of the sensation makes you very much aware and mindful until the end. An offering, if you like.
• It makes me more submissive. There is nothing like a cock deep up your ass that can put you in place. As soon as it’s in – mindset changes on its own.
• We can concentrate on actual sex, instead of rubbing between my legs or things like that. He doesn’t need to perform. More passion and enjoyment for both.
• No need for contraception! Pills aren’t exactly healthy, and other means range from disgusting to ineffective. Pussy is for procreation, ass – for recreation. It’s that simple.

There is one drawback only – I can’t cum like that. But it’s only reasonable to choose all those benefits, right?

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Anonymous: Last week I showed your post about Valentine’s Day to my girlfriend and we decided to try it together. That might seem surprising, but she really loves anal and we do it pretty often already, but with vaginal about 30% of the time too. She thought it sounded fun to try anal only, so we agreed to do it for a week, starting on the evening of the 14th.

Well, I can tell you that it’s been a big success! We haven’t done vaginal since, it’s been a little over a week now, and neither of us miss it. So we’ve decided to keep going. For now we’re going to try to the end of the month, but we agreed that if we still feel this way on March 1, we’ll stick with it. Anal is very much our preferred way to have sex anyway, so if it turns out that vaginal doesn’t really do anything for us and we don’t miss it, we’d rather stick with what does work best!

Thanks for the suggestion.

Congratulations! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you’re well on track to a lovely anal only future together, for sure!

For more information on dating within the anal only lifestyle, see our Guide to Anal Only Dating.

A common challenge encountered by people who want to pursue the anal only lifestyle, or who have been in anal only relationships in the past and are now looking for new partners, is introducing the idea of anal only when dating and how to figure out if that new partner will be compatible and open to the idea as well.

This can be challenging for men and women both, in different ways, but the same techniques tend to apply to everyone.

Essentially, be open and honest early and up front. Once sex starts coming up as a topic, bring up anal and how it’s what you prefer and that you’re looking for an anal only relationship, and what that entails. Try to establish a dialogue about it and introduce it in a way that encourages conversation rather than shutting it down. Talk about why you love it so much, and what benefits it can offer to them as a partner. Mutual pleasure, increased intimacy, natural birth control, and other benefits should all be emphasized.

Also encourage them to try it for a period of time and see if they like it. Most people, once trying it, start to recognize the advantages quickly and become much more open to staying anal only long term.

The challenge of this approach tends to be with men introducing women to the idea who have less experience with anal and so need to be eased into it physically. In that case, definitely make sure to express that you’re willing to be patient and focus on oral and manual stimulation in the meantime while gently and gradually working with her to make sure that she’s ready and comfortable with it before attempting anal intercourse for the first time together.

If your partner (or potential partner) has issues or concerns with the idea, talk them through. Maintain that dialogue and figure out what their hangup is, and see if you can come up with a solution or a compromise that is mutually satisfactory. Common concerns include various anal myths about health, hygiene, pain, or lack of pleasure/orgasms, and those can all be countered fairly easily. If they’re willing, read through the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle together.

Hi everyone, I’ve been lurking this forum for a while and finally joined. I’m in my 30s in a 2 year D/s and loving/romantic relationship with a man. We have historically had anal only occasionally due to his large size, though I’ve had anal throughout my whole adult life since age 18. However we’ve been doing anal a lot more lately (thanks to wearing butt plugs all day) and introducing some orgasm denial and teasing into our dynamic and I’ve never been more turned on in my life. We dirty talk about anal only but he says he still wants to use my vagina sometimes too. He feels anal can be a hassle because he has to wash himself after. I always douche and there is almost never a fecal mishap so maybe he will get over that. Anyway perhaps this is meant to be fantasy only but it’s a strong and very arousing one for me.

After an encouragement to try going ass to mouth with him after sex in order to make him feel like he doesn’t need to clean up as much, she responds:

Well coincidentally last night my man suggested I suck him after he was in my ass and when I did, he was so happy! It turns out we were both doing research into the health and safety of the practice, unbeknownst to one a other. It wasnt gross at all and I’m pretty sure this will make him enthusiastic about doing anal all the time since oral is his #1 fave.

Bonobo: I was wondering … What is the difference if any, between having anal sex with someone who is circumcised and someone who is intact.

Some people find it easier to have anal sex with an uncircumcised partner, at least when first starting out, because it can reduce the friction involved and the foreskin stays more in place while the rest of the penis slides back and forth through it rather than entirely being in direct contact with the anus. As people become more experienced with anal and know how to warm up properly and develop a routine of frequent anal sex, this becomes less relevant, however, and with proper warmup and technique, someone can enjoy any penis, circumcised or not.

So we’ve been together for about 6 years and I let her know early on that anal was my biggest kink by a long shot. I absolutely love it more than anything. So convinced her to try anal fairly early on but she didnt like it at all and only did it very rarely over the course of the next 5ish years and only if i begged her like crazy until she gave in (yeah i know. not exactly proud but i think we’ve all been there). however, very very slowly but surely she went from not liking it to not minding it so much and it became a once a month- 2 months thing.

but then early last year we had a massive breakthrough. WE FOUND THE RIGHT LUBE Its never been the same. Up until then we had used lots of spit, just vaginal juice, local store bought lube, and adam and eve lube but then I found a video somewhere I think on youtube of a girl explaining how she came to enjoy anal and the right glycerin free lube was the key. so we bought some [Sliquid H2O] and the difference was like night and day. Suddenly it didnt hurt at all anymore and it didnt dry out nearly as quickly! so then for a few months anal became a once a week thing and she started to really enjoy it. never asking for it, but not objecting to it at all really, which is a massive improvement over the constant anal rejection id faced up til then.

finally at the end of january I asked if shed be willing to try anal only for a month. (I specifically waited for the shortest month) she was reluctant at first but we came to an agreement that she would do anal only for me if I agreed to not to have any unhealthily snacks in the house for the month (i love me some snacks). so the next day or so things started getting heavy and we built up to it slowly, then when I put it in her ass that night, she described it as something finally clicked into place and it felt amazing! better than vaginal! she said she never wanted my cock in her ass so bad before. until this point, when we had anal, she would never really fuck me back during anal the way she does during vaginal. she would just kinda take it. not nearly as active. but not this time. she got on top to get my whole cock in her ass and rode me like never before. she absolutely loved it and started begging me to cum in her ass. i obliged. not that i really had a choice. some of the best sex we had ever had in >6 years. until last night.

yesterday (valentines day) was probably the best day ever. ill spare you the story of the whole day but suffice it to say: it was very romantic and overall great. now the sex. we upgraded to [Sliquid Sassy] and its 100x better than the stuff we had before. tons of build up and foreplay, just genuinely enjoying each other’s bodies, then the anal. i must have fucked her ass like 5 times that night. we just couldnt fucking get enough. she moaned and screamed like she never had before, saying all kinds of dirty shit like how much she loves my cock, how it feels amazing in her ass, how she wants me to fill her ass with cum, and so on. she never talks like that. just not her sex style, but in her words ” it just felt too fucking good not to. it was involuntary” definitely topped anything we’d done before. best sex ever. we fell asleep covered in sweat and other fluids.

then we woke up this morning and couldn’t help ourselves. she started sucking my morning wood, then looked up at me and said the magic words “i want you fuck my ass from behind”. as far as i can remember, that was the first time she has EVER asked for anal directly without any prompting or asking from me. just out of the blue. it made me so so fucking happy to finally hear her ask for it. so i did. i fucked her ass like an animal. for the rest of today she kept on telling me how amazing it felt and how she loves getting fucking in the ass. my favorite was ” it was just so good. when I think about you pounding my ass it just makes me love you so much!” I love you too, baby. I asked if she thinks we could continue anal only indefinitely and she said yes, guys. she fucking said yes. we’re both so happy right now.

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