Message: Anal Only Dating
Claire: Hello, I have a question for you, but first I have to explain my background.
I met my first boyfriend nearly five years ago in college. I had a crush on him, he felt it, and dated me for a very long time. At first, I thought it was sweet of him to take so long before making a sexual move, but then I became worried that he wouldn’t be that much into me. I told him about it, then he looked very serious, and announced he had something important to tell me.
I imagined all sorts of stuff, and then he said he really loved me and wanted to start a relationship with me, but he only enjoyed anal sex, and not only that, but he didn’t want his partner to have any sort of genital stimulation of any kind at all, ever. He knew I was a virgin (I’m younger than him), and he promised that if I was OK with this, he would use his experience to be very caring and careful that I enjoyed it too.
I was very surprised, but mostly felt relief because I expected horrible things that would cancel our relationship. I thought I could try anal sex, and if it didn’t go well, we could always break up. Besides, I didn’t know anything about contraception, so it was something less to care about.
It went very well: he first taught me how to do blowjobs and how to clean up my ass, and he stimulated me more and more slowly so that I was comfortable when he finally took me. It didn’t hurt at all and I enjoyed it right away. It lasted about two years, then he asked if I wanted to move to his apartment, I did, and we stayed together two more years and a half.
When I moved in, our sex frequency heightened up dramatically and I had trouble following that, I told him about it and expected him to slow down, but instead he gifted me a butt plug, asking me to try to wear it as often as possible: it was supposed to make it easier for me to take his cock more frequently and to increase my pleasure. I was doubtful about it but did it anyway, and he was right, things went really well.
The next logical step was to get engaged and I know it was his intention, then his job required him to move to another city, but I still had to stay for my studies. He tried to get me to move with him, but I thought it was an opportunity to gather my own experience: he was the only man I ever knew, and I wanted to build my own journey for a while before getting married. He was sad about it but understood my point of view, and we’re still planning to get back together later.
So, now, my question is: how do you people meet? I didn’t realize it right away because it had become so natural to me, but most people don’t do exclusive anal sex, and I have no intention of changing this aspect of my sexuality.
Thanks for the question and for sharing your story! It sounds like you had a great introduction to anal only and I don’t blame you for not wanting to stop being anal only.
As for meeting people, it’s rare to find a central place that works reliably for finding a partner based on sexual preferences. Date like you normally would but it feels natural for sex to come up as a topic, be up front from the start, and accept that maybe not everyone will be into it but there will be many more guys who love the idea.
For more information, check out the section in our guide on Anal Only Dating!
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