Anonymous: My boyfriend and I have anal sex sometimes… but he says his penis hurts after we do it. How can we stop that happening?

While this isn’t something I’ve experienced myself, and so I can’t guarantee my advice will be appropriate, here are several possible scenarios.

Are you using sufficient lubrication? Not enough lube can cause pain or discomfort to either or both partners, due to abrasion of the skin. If the skin of his penis is feeling raw afterwards, this could very likely be the issue.

If you are particularly tight, the pressure exerted on him could cause pain when you’re done and he’s no longer being squeezed as tightly. If this is the case, I would suggest doing more warmup before having sex using fingers, butt plugs and other toys, so that your anus can relax and open up a bit more in advance.

And finally, it’s possible that the position or angle could be a factor if it’s straining his penis. Experiment with some other positions and see if it works better for him.

I hope that helps, and feel free to follow up with more details about the type of pain.

Anonymous: Anon about upset stomach. Diarrhea after anal sex, it may be due latex condom but in vaginal sex I never had problems…

That could be a latex sensitivity, or could be a reaction to the lube. As @slutprogrammer noted in his response to your original question, an adverse reaction to glycerin in lube can manifest that way for some people. Try an alternate glycerin-free lube and see if it helps.

Are you giving yourself an enema first? Sometimes people are a bit overzealous with their anal douching/enemas and go too far to the point that they’re getting water past the rectum into the colon but without fully cleaning out the colon, and the water “activates” the digestive system a bit and by the time you’re having sex, or shortly after, it can cause a mess. So take care to avoid that, and just do a light rectal flush at most unless you want to do a deep clean for deep anal play.

Anonymous: First of all I love your blog. So I wanna try anal with My Boyfriend and I am going to See him in 2 Weeks, is there any possibility that I am ready for anal in 14 days? What is the Best way To prepare for that and do we have To use “special” lube?

Thanks!

It’s certainly possible, everyone is different and some people are naturals at anal who need almost no preparation while others need to take more time. I’d suggest starting to explore anal play on your own right away and try to masturbate anally daily or every other day, working up in size from just a finger to a dildo around the size of your boyfriend over the course of that time. If it starts to hurt at any point, try something smaller for a bit first. I’d suggest also reading through the #anal-advice tagged posts here, which can go into more detail.

Just use a good anal lube. There are many kinds. Water-based, silicone-based, oil-based, etc. Each come with different positives and negatives. Try a few and see what works for you. Don’t get one with lidocaine or any sort of numbing/painkilling effects. You don’t want to mask any potential anal pain, you want to feel it so you know to stop and adjust what you’re doing instead so that it doesn’t hurt.

Anonymous: Hello, hoping for some advice in regards to solving the discomfort I experience during anal sex. I did proper anal training for 10+ months, and (I think) we use enough lube, but after my husband enters me and begins to move back and forth I feel discomfort/pain. It’s fine as long as he just stays in and kind of “rocks” back and forth without sliding back and forth but it seems that the more in and out motion irritate me. What could it be? Thanks in advance!

Are you warming up and relaxing with fingers or toys (like a butt plug) before having sex? If you aren’t warmed up enough, it could cause discomfort or pain when you start having sex. Even just wearing a butt plug for 15 to 20 minutes before sex can really help.

It’s also possible the lube you’re using could cause irritation and make sex feel more uncomfortable than pleasurable. If it works for solo play or with toys, however, that may not be the case.

You can try practicing for anal sex more with dildos and see if you can build up at your own pace to the point where an in and out motion doesn’t bother you.

Anonymous: How do I have anal sex without lube ??

Why do you want to? Most people need lube of some sort not only in order to enjoy anal but also just to practically do it. Being looser and relaxed can help, but some form of lubrication is just generally going to make things more pleasant for everyone.

Anonymous: I’ve been interested in anal masturbation for a couple of months, and have only gotten back into it a couple of days ago. I was wondering if you had recommendations for household lubricants that could be used anally? I understand actual lubes are better and holds less risk, and will probably invest in some when I can, but for now would want to try to experiment first. Thanks in advance!

Coconut oil is becoming a popular lube and many homes already have some in their kitchen. Certain lotions can work, though the simpler the better, likely, and you’d usually want to avoid scented lotions as they can sometimes cause a burning sensation. Shampoo should be avoided as it usually burns, though some have been known to use conditioner. I can’t say how safe that is. Vaseline may work, though it is quite thick. Saliva is potentially usable for some purposes, and easy to obtain.

Anonymous: I was wondering if you have any anal lube recommendations. I have been using Forbidden by Adam and Eve because that’s what came with the toys I was gifted a few months ago. Sometimes this one burns a bit, and I am almost out, so any suggestions?

There are a lot of good lubes out there, each with their own advantages and disadvantages. Some, as you’ve noticed, can cause irritation or burning sensations for some people. Ultimately it ends up being somewhat personal choice as far as which will be best for you. I don’t have specific brand recommendations, but I can give an overview of different types of lube.

• Water-based lube is generally safe for most people and applications, but can vary significantly and while some can cause a burning sensation, others will not. You may simply have to experiment with small amounts of several until you find one that works for you. The thickness and consistency can vary between different water-based lubes as well, with some thin and runny, and others thick and gel-like.
• Silicone lube is long-lasting and very slippery, and is a favorite of many for that reason, but it isn’t compatible with silicone toys—it can partially bond to them and create a gummy, sticky mess.
• Coconut oil is a semi-recent favorite, and comes both in the form that’s solid at room temperature, and a fractionated liquid form. It’s all-natural, smells good, and works great as a lube. As with many oils, it can cause latex condoms to degrade.
• Albolene is a moisturizing makeup remover that some enjoy using as an anal lubricant. It is also incompatible with latex condoms.

Anonymous: My boyfriend and I were trying anal. He didn’t buy any lube and he just pushed it in even after I told him to stop, how can I make it to where I can do anal without lube?

Almost everyone needs some sort of lubrication to have anal, whether that be saliva, vaginal juices, or a sexual lubricant product. Don’t try to get to where you can do it without lube—some people can, but generally because they naturally produce more anal lubricant than most, so it’s fairly rare—just get some lube.

Anonymous: You mentioned using albolene as a lubricant. I had never even heard of it before. I have looked in to it and have one question. Is it ok to use with toys? Will it damage or degrade them in any way?

I believe @slutprogrammer mentioned that in a response to a post of mine. Perhaps he can chime in with more information about Albolene.

It’s likely fine with silicone, glass and steel—I don’t know about other, cheaper types of common sex toy materials.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received this reply:

slutprogrammer: Happy to chime in! It’s not good with latex or jelly, but I’d say both of those materials kinda suck anyway. It’s not supposed to be good with rubber, but in my experience it’s ok if you wash it afterward. Over a looooong time it can harden up, but I think we both know you’ll get other toys by then. My favorite material is “PF blend” by Perfect Fit. It is a silicone blend with thermoplastic elastomer. Much like rubber, it’s not officially ok for petroleum lube, but practically speaking it’s not terrible if you wash it well.

Anonymous: I really really really want to become anal only, how should I prep for having anal sex?

That’s great that you want to become anal only, I really sincerely recommend it, and I think that if it’s something you want that badly, you’ll have no problem achieving it.

Read through the Anal Advice category. In essence, start with anal play at a small size—say, a lubricated finger while you’re masturbating—and work up from there. Add a second finger, then a third, then get yourself a nice butt plug around an inch and a half in diameter at the widest and wear it while masturbating as well as starting to wear it at other times, including perhaps while you sleep, in order to help train your ass more. Start using a dildo to masturbate anally, approaching penis size, and do this fairly regularly to get used to both the size and the in-and-out motion of sex.

Once you can easily do this, you’re probably ready to try sex with a partner. Warm up with a plug or other toy for a little while before. Make sure he knows to lube up before, and to start slowly until you’ve adjusted to having him inside, and have him ready to stop if you tell him in case it starts to hurt at any point. Have him slowly penetrate, pause if it starts to hurt at any point, and once he’s fully inside, stop and just relax a moment to adjust around him before letting him start moving.

The original post on Tumblr received the following reply:

slutprogrammer: A few more items…

Experiment with lube. Some can be irritating. If you don’t need to use condoms, albolene makeup remover is great.

Work up to toys *bigger* than the cock you’ll typically play with. No, it won’t make you lose as you’ll be working the muscles.

Cleaning out is a big topic, and you’ll need to get to know what your body needs. Clean asses are more sensitive, which is good.