glamdollx: My boyfriend likes anal and I don’t object but I’ve asked him to get lube and he rather use spit. Is there any positions that are more comfortable than others?

Definitely get some real lube. Saliva can work for some people, but it doesn’t lubricate as well as real lube long-term.

Because everyone’s a bit different, different people are going to prefer different positions. I’d suggest just giving a variety all a try and see which ones both of you like best. Cowgirl seems to work well quite often because squatting types of positions tend to straighten the rectum a bit and avoid prodding into anything that might feel uncomfortable, but it’s far from the only position that works.

The original version of this post on Tumblr received the following response:

pappymcdaddy: I love intellectual posts about seeming brutal and mindless acts. It just shows there is so much more to this all that just what the vanilla public chooses to see.

To which the following rebuttal was given:

What’s brutal or mindless about anal sex? Brutal suggests it’s painful or destructive, which it shouldn’t be if done correctly. And it’s far from mindless—there’s a lot more preparation and training that goes into having a consistently pleasurable anal experience.

Anonymous: Does coconut oil work as a good lube for anal?

Yes, it’s quite popular as an anal lube. Lubes are a very personal and subjective choice, though, so I encourage you to try a variety and see what’s best for you.

Anonymous: So my husband and I started anal play a few months ago and it’s been wonderful! Some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had. But there are times, more often then not, that it feels dry and raw but there’s plenty of lube and spit. It can make it really uncomfortable. I was wondering if there is a certain type of lube the works to prevent this? Or if I’m doing something wrong myself? Thanks!

It’s somewhat odd to feel dry if using enough lube. Be sure that both of you (or you and the entire surface of a toy being used) are well-lubricated so that the lube gets deep enough inside to reach everywhere important.

A raw, burning feeling can sometimes arise from certain materials—jelly toys and some others can cause a skin reaction for some people and should be avoided in favor of pure silicone, glass or stainless steel. If fingers are causing the sensation, calluses or sharp edges from fingernails can be unpleasant, and sweat, dirt or certain soaps on fingers can cause a burning sensation or raw feeling.

You can and should certainly try other types of lube as well. Coconut oil, silicone lube (never use along with silicone toys!), a wide variety of water-based lubes, and others. Some people can react negatively to certain lubes, sometimes resulting in a burning sensation, so it’s definitely worth experimenting with that as well.

Good luck! I hope you are able to figure it out and can keep up the awesome anal fun and the fantastic orgasms that result from it!

Anonymous: Is coconut oil an okay lube? My husband and I have been using baby oil as a lube every time we did anal because honestly, what girl doesn’t look hot when she’s slathered in oil? Anyways, we heard baby oil isn’t the best because it can cause the vagina to become irritated. I was going to go out and buy water soluble lube but Jesus Christ I hate that stuff. It doesn’t last as long as oils do and it drives me insane. I don’t want to stop in the middle of an amazing as fuck to add lube again…

Coconut oil is very commonly used by a lot of people with no issues, and is pretty frequently recommended lately. I’d suggest giving it a try and see how it works for you. There’s also silicone lube, which lasts a lot longer than water-based, but should never be used along with a silicone toy (it can bond with it and ruin the toy).

Anonymous: I am currently away from home in Afghanistan. I was trying to get my wife to train her ass for me when I get home. She said she tried for a while with plugs and vibes but they made her feel like she was going to have a bowel movement and she felt like she would not be able to control herself. Is this common? What should I tell her to do because I really would love to get a slice of that bootay when I get home.

That’s not uncommon when starting out. If you’ve gone all your life only using your ass for one function, it’s not surprising that when you first start to use it for other purposes, your brain still interprets the sensations of something in the rectum as if they are signaling the need to go to the bathroom.

Fortunately, it’s not too hard to get past this. First, she should always go to the bathroom first and make sure she is empty and doesn’t actually need to go. Armed with that knowledge, she should insert a lubricated toy (not enough lube can sometimes trigger the feeling of needing to use the restroom as well) while playing with her pussy and clit by her preferred methods. It’s very important to combine known sources of pleasure with the anal penetration to help untrain the sensations of anal only meaning a need to go to the bathroom and to start interpreting them as another source of pleasure. She should definitely try to orgasm as often as possible while she has something in her ass—even if it’s just a finger. Anal really can amplify the pleasure of orgasms.

It’s also not uncommon for things to start getting uncomfortable after a short while when starting out. She should only keep plugs in for as long as they are comfortable, even if that’s just a minute or two at first. Then she should try again later and see if she can go a little bit longer, and repeat as she continues to get more used to the feelings and starts to get pleasure from them.

So, to sum up: always use lube, always play with pussy/clit during any any penetration—at least while getting started—and work at it incrementally only for as long as it’s not uncomfortable/painful.

Anonymous: Me and my boyfriend really wanna do anal, but for some reason whenever we try it’s too painful and it doesn’t work… However, not long ago, we were able to do anal very briefly without any pain or discomfort without lube or training… We have training butt plugs and “booty relax” lube but nothing seems to work… I don’t like the feeling of fingers in my bum unless I’m wearing gloves :/

I really don’t recommend any of the so-called “relaxing” lubes—they generally are masking pain, and pain is an important sign during anal. It tells you you’re going too fast, too big, too soon and should stop before you injure yourself.

Sometimes everything just happens to be just right and people who haven’t prepared for it can have anal without any pain, but that is not the norm.

Is the dislike of fingers due to roughness of skin/sharpness of nails? Gloves can be a perfectly suitable solution in those cases, especially if you don’t want to trim nails. It’s also possible for sweat from your fingers to cause a slight burning sensation, so you always want to wash beforehand.

Essentially, if it hurts when you try anal intercourse, you either aren’t ready to consistently have it yet or you haven’t warmed up enough for it in that particular session. If it’s the former, you’ll need to keep working up in size with toys.

If the latter—which is possible since you have been able to have anal once without pain—you may need to expand your anal foreplay/warmup sessions. Play with your clit throughout all of this, using fingers or a vibrator—whatever works best for you. Start with your boyfriend rubbing your anus externally with the pad of his thumb. If both of you are into it, having him rim you is an excellent starting point to help you relax. Shift into him either inserting a lubricated finger or small toy and gently moving it in and out as either he or you play with your pussy and clit. After a few minutes, try a second finger or the next size up toy. Keep going through this process. If it gets to a point where it’s painful, back off to the previous size for a few minutes before trying again.

Using this process, you should be able to work right up to the size of his penis, at which point penetration by that should be no more painful than anything else. If it is, then the last size toy you were able to work up to probably wasn’t close enough in size to his penis and you may need another step in between sizes.

To aid penetration, “push out” as if going to the bathroom at the same time to help relax your anal sphincter muscles. They work differently from most of our muscles, in that they’re clenched shut tightly when relaxed and loosen when flexed. The more practice you have, the easier that gets to do, and it can really help. You can also try alternating between pushing out and relaxing as he gently pushes in—it feels great for him, and it sort of “sucks” him into you.

You may wish to start out in a position where you control depth and angle, e.g. you on top sitting down onto him. Whatever the position, once he gets fully inside you, you should stop and just remain there for a moment (continuing to play with your clit) as you relax around him and then slowly start moving.

It’ll probably take a few tries, and possibly more training/warmup processes as needed, but you can definitely get there. Just remember that, especially when starting out, you’ll need to go through warmup/foreplay before every time you have sex, and if anything hurts, stop immediately and go back to a smaller size until the pain fades and you can try again. Never try to push through the pain, it’s not worth it and can result in an injury, which is no fun for anyone. Pain just means “back off a minute, I’m not ready for that just yet!”

Good luck, and I hope you have lots of awesome pain-free anal in your future.

Anonymous: What kind of lubrication do you recommend that doesn’t have parabens? I’m allergic so I’m not really sure what to use since most-all drug store brands contain it.

Sliquid is paraben and glucose free across their entire line of lubes. Cleanstream’s water-based anal lube (one of the best sellers on Amazon) is free of both as well. Slippery Stuff is a high quality gel-like lube. J-lube is a powder that you can mix into your own lube.

Many people have switched to using coconut oil and tend to highly recommend it for anal lube.

Anonymous: my boyfriend and i have tons of anal and we never use lube, but its very comfortable and rarely ever hurts, is that normal?

It’s not common, but it’s not abnormal or entirely unheard of either. Many people use alternate forms of lubrication, and some simply produce more anal mucus than others, which acts as natural lubrication. A few have even reported a correlation between sexual arousal and increased anal mucus production.

alexlayer: Small question: Do you know if a woman that’s really experienced in anal sex would eventually outgrow the need for lubricant, or is it still something that should be always necesary?

The need for lubrication isn’t typically something that you can train away. Even if you develop good muscle control and can easily accept large penetrations, that doesn’t change the fact that the rectum is generally not a self-lubricating organ.

I say “generally” because there is a mild form of lubrication—anal mucus—which some people produce in large amounts and thus do not need artificial lubrication. But that is very uncommon and while those people are very blessed if they enjoy anal sex, most everyone else should always use lube—whether saliva, vaginal juices, or something artificial.

Anonymous: Have you reach the point where the only thing you need for anal is lube, or do you still need some form of relaxation?

taratheslut: Oh just some lube at this point. If I’ve gotten wet enough you can wipe my pussy onto my ass and I’m good to go. *giggle*