While pop culture might have you believing that anal sex is an act that can just happen organically without tons of lube and prep beforehand, that’s just not really how it goes. Sure, the ol’ “sorry, I slipped and almost went into the wrong hole” thing happens sometimes, but it’s rare that the slipping excuse would result in full-penetration in your ass — unless you had a LOT of lube involved on both your bum, your partner’s penis, and even then, unlikely.

But if you’re willing to dedicate some time to prepwork (aka anal training), do your research, and buy a few lubes beforehand, anal sex can be uber pleasurable. Who knows, it might even become your favorite.

Yes, anal sex does require some extra preparation, but aside from that, it’s just another sex act. Whether you’re still debating trying it out, or are already committed to doing it, here’s everything you need to know about anal sex for beginners.

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People wanting to try anal sex for the first time are usually attracted by what they’ve heard about it, or were asked by their partner to try it. Most who try anal have no information to guide them towards a pleasurable experience. Here is a list of important things to keep in mind if you want it to be enjoyable, repeatable, and something you and your partner will EVER want to do again!

1) There are two sphincter muscles, and both have to be relaxed for anal sex to feel good. The outer sphincter is a voluntary muscle, so with practice it can be relaxed at will. The second sphincter muscle  is an involuntary muscle about an inch and a half inside the anus. Because it’s an involuntary muscle, you’ll just have to wait for it to relax.  This can take up to twenty minutes for a beginner.

2) Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.  Anal sex feels amazing if the second sphincter muscles are relaxed. If they aren’t, forcing entry will bruise the muscles. That hurts a lot! When people talk about anal sex being painful, this is the stage they’re talking about.  Rectal tissues are much thinner and more fragile than are vaginal tissues. The only solution is to take things slowly – very slowly – and wait for the second sphincter muscle to finally relax by itself. Rush this step, and you may turn off the person involved to ever trying anal sex again.

3) Anal play requires lube. Lots of lube. Unlike the vagina and mouth, the anus and rectum do not produce lubrication. Lubes specifically formulated for anal play are typically thicker to compensate for how absorbant the rectal walls are to moisture. Thinner lubes will be absorbed more quickly, and will  need reapplication. An alternative is silicone-based lubricant, which will not be absorbed into the body, but is not safe for all toys. No matter what kind of lube you choose, use plenty and reapply.

4) Talk to your partner about how it feels. Waiting for the muscles to relax is a wonderful opportunity for communication, feedback, and lots of giggles! Yes, this is a chance to take things with some lightness and fun and even some silliness. Ask questions, answer questions, move slowly. This is a learning curve, as this is a whole new realm of sensations for the newcomer!

5) It gets better. Once relaxed, there is enormous potential for pleasure from anal sex. The second sphincter will eventually learn to relax much more quickly, taking cues from the first sphincter relaxing. This training can take months and even then can be finicky, so always take it slow.

We often tell people there are four major elements to anal sex: lots of good lubrication; lots of time; more lube; and more time.  Go slowly, have fun, and check in with your partner. Anal play is just that: play!

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Jess: I always wanted to be anal only and today the opportunity finally came. I had sex with a guy but the condom broke and now we’re both paranoid about it. Now he wants to have only anal sex. But how will I transition to anal this fast??? Please, help.

Sounds like a great opportunity to get what you want, but be honest with him. Tell him you will need a little time to adjust to it at first, and go more slowly the first few weeks, gradually increasing how often you have sex. Wear a butt plug regularly when you aren’t having sex.

You may have to start out only doing it two or three days a week, and can do oral on days that you can’t do anal, and then every few weeks, increase it by another day a week, until you can do it as often as you like. Just listen to your body. If you’re getting sore, take it a little slower. If everything is fine, gradually go a bit more often.

Good luck, and keep us updated on how it goes!

Hi everyone!

I’ve been reading a lot of guides but my problem is that whenever I think about trying it for the first time, I get scared and feel incredibly nervous. Would really appreciate any advice on how to overcome that.

Thank you!!

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This message was originally posted to the Anal Only Bdsmlr blog, and is being cross-posted here.

Anonymous: Good Day Sir I really enjoy your blog. It is a great inspiration to me. I am a denial submissive. My Masters cunt is only allowed to cum when he wishes and that is not very often. I am perfectly happy with that. My Master now has expressed the desire to only have anal sex. We already have anal sex and I enjoy it very much. I would really like to accept his wish for me, I just want to do it safely. Do you have any tipps? How can I make the transition to an anal only slut without risking my health and not disappoint my Master? Humbly honey

Thank you, I’m glad that you enjoy my blog and that it inspires you. Congratulations on the decision to go anal only, it will be wonderful for the two of you and is well worth doing. It’s absolutely worth doing some research first in order to make the transition safely and ensure that it’s sustainable long-term so that you don’t need to stop later. Essentially, so long as you warm up properly beforehand and/or stay trained and warmed up by masturbating anally and wearing a butt plug regularly, and listen to your body and don’t do anything that actively hurts or stop if there’s any bleeding, rest a day or two, and try again. Those are usually only an issue when you’re first getting started. From there, establish a routine and try to stick with it as well as you’re able. The main thing that makes anal difficult is not doing it often enough, because your anal muscles tighten back up if they aren’t used, and need to be warmed up again. Ultimately getting to where you do it every day or every other day is ideal. If you need to transition more gradually, I’d start by doing anal at least one day a week (or more often if you already do it more often) and make that be your anal only day, and then every few weeks, adding an additional day per week that’s anal only and reducing a vaginal day, until after a few months you’ve transitioned to full time anal and no vaginal. For more information on this process in more detail, read the Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle.

Anal gaping is a term you probably won’t hear much outside of porn websites. It’s probably the most extreme form of anal stretching possible, and takes hours for your anus to recover from. While you have a gaped anus, you can even see some of the internal rectal muscles.

A gape is essentially an opening in the anus. This is usually caused by an extended period of anal sex, giving the muscles enough time to get used to being open, and remain open when the penis or sex toy is removed. It isn’t necessarily done in a violent or nasty way, although it might look like that in some porn movies. Gaping is simply another aspect of sex that some enjoy, and others will find quite strange.

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If you’ve followed us for a while, you’re probably familiar with our Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle, which has been a part of this website for the past year since moving off Tumblr.

It’s always going to be a freely available resource as part of this blog for those who want to learn more about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, but I’m happy to announce that you can also purchase it in an ebook format through Amazon as well, if that’s how you prefer to do your reading!

It can be a good resource if you’re just getting started, and it can make a good gift for friends who might be interested in anal or going anal only. Either way, it helps support this blog and the greater anal only community.

And, if you’re looking for another way to support the anal only community, consider becoming a Patron!

I got fucked in the ass for the first time on my 31st birthday.

It wasn’t my first time trying. Throughout my twenties I felt pressured to try anal by a number of male partners. I even had men try it without consent. The idea of a whole cock in my ass scared me. I imagined that it would be painful, and the few attempts I made proved that to be true. When guys pressed their cocks against my asshole I felt tense and scared and pressured. I knew that anal sex was desirable for them and I wanted to give the guys I was fucking what they wanted. I wanted to be into anal sex but my body said no.

Eventually I started to let guys put fingers in my ass and I found that it felt good. When I was really turned on I was able to take a small amount of penetration. Rubbing my clit while they fingered my ass was exciting and hot. But as soon as we moved up in size from a finger to a cock, my body couldn’t take it. I couldn’t relax enough to open myself wide enough for a cock. I decided that I would never be able to.

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Do us a favor and try to do the splits. Go ahead, we’ll wait.

Can’t do it? Most people can’t without a lot of stretching and training first.

Turns out it’s the same for stretching your anus.

Like other muscles, your anal sphincter is only accustomed to stretching so far. If you want to loosen it up, it’s going to require some work.

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