Anonymous: What can I use to make a DIY anal plug? I can’t order online or go to a sex shop. I really want to get into the AO lifestyle but I live with family.

It’s great to hear that you want to go AO, and I’m sorry that you aren’t able to buy anal toys due to your living arrangements. Perhaps you could go to a shop with a friend or have a toy delivered to their house if you aren’t able to have it delivered at home?

Alternatively, you can masturbate anally with your fingers or use vegetables like cucumbers as dildos. Certain thin bottles or pens and markers like Sharpies can work as well.

That’s the question of a Quora user, who receives the following response which makes an excellent key point:

Yes, but butt plugs are not the beginning step.

The beginning step is always to get the person comfortable with the thought of anal.

Start by massaging around the anus. Once the person is comfortable, use lube and start with a finger. Gently.

Only after your partner is comfortable with a finger or two, take the next step of butt plug.

Miera Sharma, Quora

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I’ve had anal sex before with my ex who was average and so the anal sex was comfortable.

Recently I started talking to an old fwb again who is above average. His thickness is a major turn on and I’m really excited to start having fwb with him again but he wants to try anal for the first time. I’m almost hesitate due to do it because it’s hard to give him a bj due to it being so thick that I have to really widen my mouth and jaw.

Due to his size, how can I prepare myself to do anal? Mind you I’m not used to using lube or anal play or fingering. I’m not one to give up so easily, I really want to try for him because he has told me that the women he has already slept with refuse to give him head and to do anal. Any advice or suggestions would help.

UPDATE:
On Saturday, I finally met up with him and I told him that I really wanted to try anal for him but he was more concerned with hurting me (very sweet, I know) so he wanted to wait to try anal. So I was able to give him head and deepthroat him first even with his thickness which then caused him to cum too soon after we started to have sex afterwards. He felt so bad, but I was happy to satisfy him with head because I really did want to try for him. Within a few minutes he was able to get hard again and continue having sex, and when he finished he said I was too tight for him.

LATEST UPDATE: 
we did it! No lube necessary just used my natural pussy juices like expected and it was very enjoyable and so he too enjoyed it. Unfortunately a few hours later I ended bleeding which is normal. So at the moment I’m healing and am not going to tell him because I don’t want him to feel bad.

Deviously_shy, HipForums

A good illustration of the fact that anyone can achieve anal sex with any size partner, it can just take some time and practice to get to that point at first. If she had put in more warmup and practice, she wouldn’t have had any bleeding after either, but with more practice going forward, I’m sure she’ll be able to regularly enjoy anal sex with him with no pain or injury.

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This is a common question and concern once someone discovers anal pleasure and the joy of butt plugs and wants to experience that feeling more and more over time. Fortunately, the answer is yes! With a little practice, if it stays comfortable, you can keep it in as long as you want! If it starts to hurt, you should take it out and let yourself rest until it doesn’t hurt anymore, but otherwise go for it. Wear that plug as often and as long as you like.

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On July 7, Teen Vogue published a column titled “Anal Sex: What You Need to Know.” The article detailed the benefits and nitty-gritty details of what it’s like going in the back door, from how to approach anal sex with your partner to what to expect during your first attempt. They claimed the guide was the “anal 101 for teens, beginners, and all inquisitive folk.”

Needless to say, conservatives were not pleased about it.

Within the following weeks, Fox News, Breitbart, and other conservative news outlets wrote their responses to the article, criticizing the piece and calling it “agenda driven” and “smut.” A mom blogger called The Activist Mommy even posted a videoof her burning the issue, calling for a boycott of Teen Vogue for “teaching sodomy to our children.” It’s no surprise that some people didn’t like it, but some went as far to say that it was a “parent” issue — that talking about sex with teens was not okay.

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The discovery of anal pleasure can be a very exciting thing for people new to it, and it can be easy to want to suddenly play with your ass or have anal sex as often as possible. However, when you’re first starting, it can also be easy to get quite sore quickly, just as when first starting a new exercise regime, so it’s often better to pace yourself to ensure maximum long-term enjoyment for everyone.

When getting started, either for the first time, or after a long break, always start slow and work your way up gradually, but also give yourself a day or two break in between sessions to allow your muscles to adjust and recover from any soreness as you train yourself and stretch them in new and better ways. You can always do a quick test with a toy and if you still feel any acute soreness, wait another day before trying again.

After a week or two of active anal play at the same level, you likely won’t have to continue doing this, and can shift to playing daily, but when training for larger toys or objects, you may find it beneficial to return to a several-days-a-week sort of routine again for that training. The difference here is that you may be able to return to using smaller toys or a small butt plug as your new baseline in between the larger toy training.

Stay safe, listen to your body, go slowly, take a few days off if you feel particularly sore, and you’ll be enjoying anal for a lifetime.

For more information about butt plugs and other anal sex toys, see our guide to Butt Plugs & Dildos for Anal Masturbation.

The use of butt plugs among those who regularly practice anal sex is almost ubiquitous, because of the great benefits they offer. Not only are they useful for warming up and relaxing before having sex, they have long term training benefits, feel great, and are just sexy.

You don’t have to just wear them for short periods of time, however! More frequent and longer-term usage of a butt plug can be a great way to advance your anal skills and pairs well with the adoption of the anal only lifestyle.

Frequent Butt Plug Wear Helps to Always Be Ready For Sex

Just as anal masturbation and butt plug wear right before having sex helps to open you up and relax your ass for sex, making the initial penetration easier, wearing a plug more frequently even when not immediately planning on having sex shortly after will help keep you prepared for more spontaneous anal sex. The increase of frequency and duration of anal penetration results in your anal muscles staying warmed up and relaxed in between sessions, and anal sex becomes much easier to do regularly as a result. Additionally, the subtle and often involuntary muscle movements throughout the day as you retain the plug in your ass while moving around helps to not only strengthen your anal muscles, but to also develop more conscious control to be able to relax at will in the future.

Many people have commented on the fact that butt plugs are what made anal sex and the anal only lifestyle possible for them. Struggling at first with the increased frequency of anal is not uncommon when first transitioning to anal only, but wearing even a relatively small butt plug on days between having sex can really help with soreness and continued relaxation so that you don’t lose your training and return to being excessively tight in between having sex.

Staying Plugged During Everyday Life Keeps Your Focus on Anal Pleasure

For someone in the process of going anal only, vaginal or clitoral urges can still linger and try to dominate, and it can be hard to resist giving in to old habits. Wearing a butt plug throughout the day can help with those urges by keeping your attention on your ass and how good it makes you feel and how much you enjoy and prefer being anal only. It reminds you that vaginal and clitoral stimulation aren’t what’s important to you, that only anal is important. It helps you center yourself on your ass and the feeling of being filled anally.

Knowing Your Ass Is Plugged is Your Sexy Little Secret

Wearing a butt plug doesn’t just feel good, it can also make you feel really sexy and slutty, and walking around in public with a plug up your ass is a great way to enjoy your own sexy secret, either on your own or with your partner. Anal only women often comment on how much they enjoy feeling sexy and slutty for their partner, knowing they only take it up the ass and how that makes them special and different from most women. Wearing a butt plug in public has similar effects, and can really turn on and boost the confidence and morale of someone.

For those who are into exhibition, combining a butt plug with a short skirt and a lack of underwear can be an excellent way to show off one’s secret to others, too.

There’s a lot that can be improved in sex-ed in general, especially in the United States, but one improvement in particular would be with a greater focus on and inclusion of anal sex.

The reality is that not only is anal a completely legitimate sexual activity on the same level as vaginal and oral, it is and always will be the preference of many people, and of interest to many to try. Without proper education, a majority of people aren’t going to know how to try it properly, and will end up getting turned off by pain or discomfort because they didn’t do things right, and may never want to try it again. If they had been introduced to it properly, chances are they’d recognize it for the enjoyable and even superior sexual activity that it really is and at the very least make it a regular part of their sex life, if not make it their priority going forward.

Going further than just the normalization and equalization of anal sex alongside vaginal, a future goal would be to focus on anal as the new default, teaching its benefits and advantages over vaginal sex and encouraging its adoption as the primary form of non-reproductive sex practiced. This would have great societal benefits, from the near-perfect natural birth control reducing unplanned pregnancies to almost zero, to the fact that sex would become much more satisfying, intimate and mutually enjoyable for everyone.

Claire: I want to rosebud for my bf for his birthday in a few days (March 16th) but I tried to do it by myself using a dildo and can’t. It’s been 5 months that we are AO, before that we were “1 anal a month” for 4 months. Do you have any tips taking into account my very short time for training?

It takes a combination of strong pelvic floor muscles and relaxed anal muscles. So you need to work on your kegel exercises while also being able to gape. While your anal muscles are relaxed so you can gape and you spread your ass open, you push out with your pelvic floor muscles.

Conceptually, it’s simple, but it can take practice to really be able to do it. Give it a try in the coming week, but know that the time you have may not be enough to get there yet.

Perhaps an alternative birthday gift could be a commitment to going anal only permanently, or a sort of “rosebud IOU” where you work on it together as a goal. Either way, he sounds like a very lucky guy!

For more information on this topic, see our guide to the Benefits of Avoiding Clitoral Stimulation During Anal Sex.

In our vagina- and clit-centric world, the idea of excluding clitoral stimulation in order to enjoy greater pleasure seems counterintuitive, but it’s in fact the reality for most women that focusing on pure anal stimulation will lead to more intense pleasure and orgasms in the long term—or, if you’re lucky, even in the short term.

The reason for this is that while the clitoris is an easy path to orgasm for most women, it’s a much more short-term and less-rewarding sort of orgasm compared one from pure anal. And clitoral stimulation often overpowers and gets in the way of the more subtle and nuanced anal stimulation needed to orgasm that way, preventing that more intense pleasure from forming.

It’s not just that anal pleasure is better, it’s that clitoral and vaginal pleasure can interfere with that better pleasure. Excluding clitoral and vaginal stimulation entirely boosts arousal, allows the focus to be entirely on anal, and amplifies everything.

If you’re just starting out with anal play or anal sex, you may want to include clitoral stimulation to help with relaxation and developing the association between anal penetration and pleasure through the use of existing pleasure sources, but once you’re able to reliably enjoy anal sex, it’s worthwhile to start exploring anal stimulation entirely on its own without the influence of clitoral stimulation, and see what pure anal pleasure can bring you.