If you’re looking to introduce your partner to the pleasures of receptive anal sex for the first time, there’s no better way to start than through rimming. It’s a gentle, non-invasive way for someone to discover just how much pleasure their ass can really give them, teaches them to relax their anal muscles for additional play down the road, and leaves them wanting more.

For some, an exploratory lick during other forms of oral sex can be a way to nonverbally test a partner’s openness to trying it, and if they react in a pleasurable manner, continue with more licking around and across their anus. Some people, however, have concerns about hygiene and may be embarrassed by this approach, so it can be best to bathe together first and talk about it to make sure everyone is on board and feels comfortably clean before trying.

As for the act itself, it’s really quite straightforward. As with cunnilingus, different sorts of tongue play can result in different sensations. You can lick across, around, and gently penetrate the anus itself with your tongue. Try it all, see what your partner enjoys best.

If your partner finds that it tickles or feels slightly uncomfortable in some manner, try combining it with supplemental stimulation—clitoral, nipple, etc.—which can increase the pleasure and make it feel more sexual.

Most people end up finding rimming to be particularly pleasurable, in many cases even more so than cunnilingus, so start making it a regular part of your routine with your partner if you both enjoy it. As you do it more and more, they will most likely want to start exploring other forms of anal stimulation as well, including penetration with fingers and toys, before ultimately moving on to full anal sex.

Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Women’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve, loves sex toys, believes the world is much too porno-phobic, and thinks more women should give anal sex a try.

In other words, she’s the gynecologist every guy wants his girlfriend to meet.

Among the many sexually taboo topics, anal sex is probably one of the most well known.

All guys seem to want it, while all girls seem to hate it.

But Dr. Hutcherson believes that more women might actually find out that they like it if they give it a try. Women who don’t enjoy anal sex, she says, are probably doing it wrong.

Continue reading on Your Tango

Many people’s first introduction to the idea of anal sex is through pornography. While there are certainly those who simply choose to try it on their own, either through curiosity and experimentation with their own body, or with a partner, many see it in porn and are drawn to how sexy and appealing and pleasurable it looks there. And it’s true—it is sex, appealing and pleasurable.

But porn is entertainment, not real life, and while it can provide positive exposure to anal and show people its ideal form and how appealing it can be, it doesn’t show the full picture.

Anal Porn Doesn’t Represent Proper Training and Warmup Techniques

Anal sex requires anal training and warmup of the anal muscles beforehand for most people in order to be safely enjoyed without pain, discomfort or injury. This involves gradually stretching and warming up the muscles with smaller toys or objects, working up in size until anal sex itself can be enjoyed.

Most people need to go through an extended period of anal training for days or weeks or potentially even longer, depending on their own personal needs, before they’re ready to even try anal sex. Even once that initial training has been done, foreplay is needed to relax in the moment and prepare for sex, whether through rimming, fingering, butt plug wear before sex, or the use of a smaller dildo.

Porn often doesn’t show these steps. Some porn producers have gotten better about this and include it as part of the start of a scene, with an actor starting the scene wearing a butt plug, removing it, enjoying some rimming and fingering, and then moving on to sex. But there is still a lot where the warmup was done off-camera and they’re ready to go when the scene starts. For entertainment purposes, there’s a lot to be said for doing it this way, it just needs to be understood by anyone looking to try it themselves that they will most likely need more than what is shown on-camera.

Anal Porn Often Doesn’t Show Proper Lubrication Techniques

Anal sex requires supplemental lubrication of some sort, whether artificial lube, vaginal juices, or saliva. Aside from the lucky few who produce an increased amount of anal mucous and can enjoy anal sex without adding any other lube, the anus is not self-lubricating.

Watching porn, however, you often wouldn’t know that. Most anal scenes start with the actors simply sliding into the women’s anuses with no preparation, or with just a little bit of spit. Again, this is generally because they’re already warmed up and pre-lubricated internally, and the addition of saliva is just enough to get inside and access the other lube.

There are certainly those who have anal sex regularly enough that they don’t need much more than saliva and their natural anal mucous to enjoy sex, but that’s an advanced technique that doesn’t apply to most people, and usually should not be attempted by beginners unless they’re confident that it works for them.

Anal Porn Doesn’t Show Hygiene Techniques

A big issue some people have when reconciling their anal experiences with those shown in porn is the cleanliness factor. By the very nature of having sex in the anus and rectum, you’re interacting with a place that also holds and transports feces, so cleanliness is a common concern for many people. In porn, anal sex is always spotless, and this can set a false expectation of anal sex for people whose only experience is through porn.

In reality, porn actors often fast in advance of anal scenes, do enemas, and in the event any mess happens during the shoot, cut, clean up, and edit that out. We’re all humans, we all poop, and inevitably there will be some messiness as a result of anal sex if you do it enough.

If you’re mature about it and understand that sometimes it might just get messy and it’s not a big deal to just clean up if that happens, you can have a sustainable and usually quite clean experience with a healthy, balanced high-fiber diet and supplemental use of a small anal douche/enema bulb.

Pornography is a Visual Medium

Because porn is a visual form of entertainment, many compromises are made to add to the aesthetic nature of the scene, which in practice is often not ideal for actual sex.

Positions are optimized for visual access and being able to see penetration, rather than for pleasure or intimacy. Positions that people may prefer in real life are often ignored in favor of ones that look good on camera even if they aren’t as pleasurable.

Ejaculation is often done externally rather than internally, or even if it is internal, it’s done in a shallow manner so it can be pushed out afterwards for the camera. In real life, deeper ejaculation is usually preferred, both for mutual pleasure and to keep the ejaculate deep inside where it can be absorbed or plugged inside to stay throughout the day.

Anal Porn Actors Are Professionals With a Lot of Experience

Porn often shows quite deep, fast, aggressive anal, as well as advanced techniques such as the use of large toys, double and triple anal penetration, fisting, etc. These are all things that can be safely enjoyed by ordinary people as well, if that’s something that interests you, but you need to start small and slow and work your way up to that gradually, listening to your body along the way.

The majority of people probably won’t be personally interested in those things, and that’s fine too, but even with just a single partner, it’s good to know your limits and recognize that what you see in porn and may want to mimic is being done by experienced professionals, and you may not be able to just dive right in to that same level immediately. Enjoy and be entertained and inspired by porn, but don’t use it as an informative education. Do a lot of additional research. Read our Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle. Ask questions. Experiment and explore, on your own and with a partner.

For a lot of people, anal sex is simply more work than vaginal sex. You need anal training when you’re getting started. You need to maintain a healthy diet or use douching or enemas to ensure clean anal sex. You need to follow a regular schedule of anal sex to stay in shape so it remains easy, or frequently wear butt plugs and masturbate with anal dildos. You need to ignore any vaginal cravings you might have and work to shift your arousal and focus to your ass. And if you’re going for a strict interpretation of anal only, you need to do the same with your clit and only stimulate yourself anally.

But though that can seem daunting to someone just starting out, or feel like it could get in the way of the ease, simplicity and spontaneity of sex some might be accustomed to with vaginal, it’s nowhere near as bad as it could seem. In fact, some of the greatest benefits of the anal only lifestyle come in part from the fact that it’s more effort.

Going Anal Only Can Increase Intimacy and Trust With Your Partner

By working together with a trusted partner to prepare for anal sex and go anal only together, you end up growing your mutual trust further. By its nature, anal sex is a physical connection in the most private and intimate part of the body, and if done wrong it can cause a lot of pain, so trust is a huge part of anal. By going anal only, you’re not just doing it on occasion, you’re making it your primary sexual activity and often enjoying it an average of 3 to 5 times a week, if not more often, so the positive effects on trust and intimacy are huge if executed properly. Couples who go anal only very regularly report how it brought them closer together as a couple and helped boost their intimacy and trust, and cite that as a major reason for going anal only.

The Exclusivity of Anal Only Makes You Stand Out From the Crowd

Even though the anal only lifestyle has been growing in popularity over the past decade, it’s still a relatively niche choice that many people haven’t even heard of, let alone tried for themselves. Over time, that will no doubt change, and this blog continues to advocate for everyone out there to try it for themselves, but as it is it remains relatively uncommon relative to the global population.

Because of this, and because of the effort involved to get to the point where you can have anal sex multiple times a week, if not daily, without ever doing vaginal, it sets anal only people aside as something different and special.

Most any girl can have vaginal sex easily, but it still takes a special woman to do anal every time instead, and that can be something to be proud of and something that makes you stand out as extraordinary. It can always be a great way to attract guys, who may prefer anal to vaginal and be interested in a partner who also prefers or exclusively does anal.

Anal Pleasure is, Quite Simply, Better than Vaginal

With the initial investment of anal training and getting to know the ropes of how to warm up for anal and any hygiene practices you need for your full enjoyment of anal, there has to be a worthwhile payoff. And boy, is there ever.

It’s almost universally stated between women who have tried anal more than a few times and know how to do it without pain that the pleasure from anal is far more intense than vaginal, and that anal orgasms are similarly more intense and pleasurable. Once someone goes anal only for a while and is able to get past any initial challenges, it’s extremely common to simply not go back to vaginal, because anal is just that much better.

Buttlyn: Brazilian girl, 20, dysfunctional pussy. Hello again. Did you remember the advices you gave to me the last time I got in touch? I want to thank you ’cause for saving my sex life. Anal only is becoming my main fetish (something I did not even think about is now reality) and my husband is so fucking happy! I still vanilla but now I’m extremely more eager to have anal sex. We bought a 6.5 and a 3.2 inches dildos (both with suction cups), a butterfly vibrator and some soft BDSM stuff. Now I can finally masturbate myself anally using my only functional hand. I also realized that I like to simulate ménages with my dildos, so… it’s a bonus! I’m feeling myself so free, so delighted! I’ll even try to wear my buttplug – I always hated it but now I’m excited enough to make it happen. Let’s see how far I can go. I don’t know why but… having more than one “dick” to fuck my butt makes me feel slutty and jumpy! I just hope that it doesn’t screw up my relationship.

Thank you for everything! I’ll keep you updated. You don’t need to answer this message in your blog if you don’t want to. Just cross your fingers and send me good vibes, okay?

Congratulations, and thank you for the update. I’m so glad to hear that the information was helpful and you are able to better enjoy sex and masturbation now! With any luck, it will just keep getting better for the two of you!

In a followup to the previous post, where a man on reddit described the experience of having anal sex with his pregnant wife for the first time after she lost interest in and no longer enjoyed anal sex, he describes how they have continued having anal sex regularly after that and have since been effectively in an anal only relationship.

So since then it appears we are in an almost anal only relationship which was unexpected but I’m not complaining. It has become routine for me to give her an oily full body massage that ends in anal sex.

While not universally the true for everyone, it seems to be a fairly common thing for women to lose interest in vaginal during and after pregnancy, or to find it painful or uncomfortable. Some of this is just due to the effects of pregnancy on the body, but it also makes sense as a sort of regulating factor to reduce interest in reproduction, at least for a time, when that goal has already been achieved. So it makes perfect sense that a primary interest in anal can take over during this time and continue to provide opportunities for pleasure, release and intimacy. It can also provide a great opportunity to introduce people to the anal only lifestyle, as they discover during that time that the pleasure and intimacy are better through anal sex and often will decide to remain anal only, or at least keep it their primary and default form of sex, after the period of being anal only that pregnancy provides.

But I’ve come across one of those ‘first world problems’ that isn’t really a problem. Turns out my wife really likes my cock in her ass, to the point that she cums very quickly when I’m in there. Which is great except that after she cums she tenses up and stays all tensed up for ages making anal starts to hurt, meaning I don’t get to finish, well I do but usually with a handjob.

As I said it’s a silly problem ‘oh no my wife likes anal too much, oh woe is me!’

One of the times we didn’t even get to the sex before she came from a toy in her ass and a touch of her clit. That was the one time we had regular sex but not before attempting anal for a bit and deciding I could not even get in.

This, along with some additional information he provides, suggests that while she’s very much enjoying the anal, she still hasn’t fully trained for it and isn’t yet at the point where she can easily relax her anal muscles for sex. It’s something that will just keep improving with time and practice, however, as well as more anal play, rimming, and other warmup before having sex. In a comment, he mentions that they’re working on more training and delaying her clit stimulation so that she can last longer before orgasm.

After a session where they tried to do anal and he couldn’t get more than a short distance into her ass:

With the head of my cock still inside her we agreed to have a shower and just try vaginal with a condom, but then I leaned forward over her to kiss her, and that’s when it happened. Something shifted and I felt my cock slide all the way inside her in one go until my balls were touching her pussy. She let out a sound somewhere between a shock and a moan and I probably did the same. I stayed as still as I could and asked her if she was ok. She said yes but to give her a second, after which she told me to start slow. So I started fucking me wife balls deep in the ass while I bent over her. She was able to turn her head so we could make out which just made the whole thing so much more sensual.

It was deep fucking where you stay mostly inside your partner, with thrusts pushing deep inside instead of sliding all the way out and in. She was really enjoying it but hearing her get closer to cumming threw me over the edge as it tends to do, and I quickly got past the point of no return. She felt that as I swelled inside her and almost cried out as I became to big for her, but she powered through it as I shot my load deep inside her for what felt like ages. As I slowly pulled out I could tell she hadn’t cum but she said she enjoyed it, just has to get used to having me all the way inside her ass.

Here’s hoping that they stick with anal long-term, she learns how to fully adjust to it, and that they see no reason to go back to vaginal unless trying to have another child.

Continue reading on reddit

I like anal sex. There. I said it. No, I love it. My friends think that is completely weird and gross. But dare I say I like it as much if not more than regular sex. My husband Chris though. Hates it. All my friends tell me how their husbands essentially beg them to have anal and they hate it and here I am with the husband who isn’t interested in anal at all. It’s too messy, he says. Too complicated or something. And it kind of annoys me that he won’t satisfy me in that way once in a while.

Chris is a great husband. I love the guy. And we used to have anal about twice a month when we were first together. I’ve always been a huge fan of butt play — dildos, fingers, vibrators. But I had never had anal sex until I met Chris. I always thought he was into it, too, until one day he said no to it. Then the next time, he said no again. And that trend continued. When I asked him about it he told me that he didn’t like it, that it felt too planned, too much worrying about the clean-up, mostly because he can’t come from anal, so we usually have vaginal sex after that but he has to clean his penis before we can do that.

We’ve tried starting off with vaginal but then he can’t get hard enough for what is essentially round two of anal. And I want anal! I feel like I just said anal a million times, but I’m not sure how to handle this situation and mostly I feel really alone. I can’t be the only woman out there who likes to have anal sex, can I?

I also feel like I do things I don’t particularly love to do for my husband — namely blowjobs — to make him sexually happy. Why can’t he do this for me?

This is an all-too-common complaint, sadly, and which really reveals the truth to the myth that all men want anal and all women try to resist it. The reality is that some men and women love it, and some don’t. And not everyone always ends up with a partner who shares that love, regardless of gender.

However, many of these particular complaints can be resolved. If he thinks it’s too dirty or is worried about cleanup, some dietary changes and taking care of any hygiene needs in advance of having anal sex can ensure it nearly always stays clean. (Of course, there’s always a chance it can get messy, and that’s just a risk you take with anal sex.)

The same applies to his concern for it feeling too planned. In addition to cleaning in advance of having anal sex, wearing a butt plug or masturbating anally regularly throughout the week between having sex will make the amount of preparation and warmup much less than it otherwise would be.

When one partner really wants anal and the other is hesitant, the partner who wants it should do everything they can to make things as painless as possible (both literally and metaphorically) for their partner.

His inability to orgasm from anal is a bit more uncommon, and it seems likely that it’d be the result of his mentality towards and attitude about anal sex rather than physical stimulation, since anal quite often feels far more pleasurable for men than vaginal does. If he resents doing anal, he may not be able to get in the headspace to be able to enjoy it and feel an orgasm grow. Unfortunately, if it is physical rather than mental, there isn’t enough information in this article to be able to determine the cause and offer suggestions.

I hope they were able to work through their differences surrounding and that she’s now able to enjoy the frequent anal sex she needs and deserves.

Read full article at CafeMom

My wife is the type that gets very submissive when she is very horny. So one day I asked for anal and she said yes. We tried it right then and there and she orgasmed. I’m a little girthy, so I just got a little more than the head in. It was great for both, but she doesn’t seem to want to prep for it. I don’t want to hurt her so we use tons of lube, and I give her full control of depth and motion, but I eventually want go deeper. I’m just not sure its will be possible without doing typical anal prep (fingering, plugs, etc), which she isn’t too keen on. Its like she only wants it when she’s fuck-drunk.

He gets some good responses, but I’m going to give my perspective as well, as this is something I’ve occasionally encountered myself: a woman who wants anal but doesn’t want to masturbate or train for it. In a later response, he mentions that they’ve at times had vaginal sex while he fingers her ass or wears a butt plug, and she’s okay with that, but it doesn’t lead to anal sex in the moment.

That is the approach I would take going forward—combining anal play with other sexual activity she already enjoys, and through that combination helping build her desire for anal sex more frequently while also helping to train her ass to get used to more frequent penetration and use sexually. The more often she does that, the more she will open up to doing anal play as the primary act, and will be more ready for when she does want anal sex, which she’ll in turn get more comfortable with doing and want more frequently as well.

Continue reading on Reddit

Anonymous: Hi! I was thinking to myself: can I girl evolve her anal sex sex skills to the point of no longer needing any kind of foreplay? Can a woman become a anal sex machine? Perhaps it’s a stupid question, but I’m curious.

Thank you for reading. Love your blog.

Everyone is different and may have different needs, and conditions can change even day-to-day sometimes, but in general it’s certainly possible for people to get to the point where they need little to no warmup before having anal sex. There are those who just need a dab of lube and they’re good to go.

This is most commonly achieved by maintaining a regular schedule of frequent anal sex, masturbating with a dildo on days you aren’t able to have anal sex, and wearing a butt plug in between. The frequent use keeps your anal muscles in a warmed up state and more or less eliminates the need to warm up in advance of having sex. The regular practice also helps you develop more conscious anal muscle control and learn how to relax them more easily without needing to warm up beforehand. Doing anal exercises (like kegels but with your ass) can help with this, as well as practicing pushing out during anal penetration, which helps relax and open up your ass to the penetrating object.

However, even to an “anal sex machine”, to use your phrase, if they go a while without any anal penetration, they’ll need to work through a warmup period again to get back into things. It takes less time, though, after you’re already experienced, and is a bit like riding a bicycle.

Buttlyn: Ok. This is the second message I send to the blog and I hope you answer it too.

I’m the brazilian girl who had a broken pussy and a anal addicted boyfriend (nowadays my husband), but wanted to try v****** “sex”. It’s improbable that you remember, but ok. Here I go.

I have a soft brain palsy what made almost every muscle of mine more rigid than normal, including my butthole. It sucks.

At this point, I suppose that you already can guess what my problem is. Yeah, I discovered that’s the reason why I can’t be penetrated in my wronghole. But it also disturbs my pleasure while doing anal.

I don’t want to fuck using a anesthetic lube or this kind of shit, but I cannot train my butthole’s endurance because I have no control over it. Sometimes I watch those porn girls doing huge insertions, fisting and hatefuck and I feel like crying, full of envy. I feel myself impotent, like I’m not enough, like I’ll never become a more-than-good buttslut to my husband. My ass does not even loose up if I’m not rubbing my clit, and I cannot masturbate my asshole at the same time because I have only one functional hand.

I couldn’t give my man a nice Christmas assfucking due this problem. I’m about to freak out! Please, help me! My case is too specific for Google.

I suspect I would remember your earlier message, but I’m not sure offhand from just what you’ve said here. If you find your previous message in our archives, feel free to send a link to me and I can cross-link or tag them so that readers can easily follow the full conversation across posts.

Definitely don’t use an anesthetic lube, as that will only mask any pain, not prevent the root issue of muscle tightness/cramping. And where there’s pain, there’s risk of injury as a result of those tight muscles. What you need is a way to relax and warm up your muscles instead.

While it sounds like you’re experienced with anal sex at this point, you might want to go back to the early stages of anal training for solo play on your own and as warmup before sex. Lie on your side and rub your clit or use a vibrator on it while rubbing across and around your anus with a finger from your other hand and try to relax your anal muscles as you do so, then slip your finger inside as you feel ready to do so, and keep gradually going up in size from there. If smaller sizes cause you no trouble, try working around the edge of where larger sizes cause difficulty and discomfort. Even without such a medical condition, everyone has some anal muscles they can learn to consciously control and others that are involuntary, so while it may be more difficult for you, there may still be some benefits to working on this more often. Read our new anal training guide for more details on this topic if needed.

Depending on how much warmup you do before sex, you may need to do the above before you start a session, as well as rubbing your clit while your husband performs oral sex on your ass to further help it relax.

For clitoral stimulation during anal masturbation, you might look for a clitoral vibrator that attaches and stays in places so you don’t need to hold it. Venus butterfly vibrators and others similar to this sit in place over your pussy with bands that go around your legs to hold it there so it can keep vibrating against your clit hands-free.

Similarly, a dildo with a suction cup can help you to masturbate hands-free while you have one hand on your clit and ride up and down on a dildo without needing to hold it.

Finally, a doctor may be able to suggest exercises to help with pelvic floor muscle tightness or spasms, and may be able to prescribe muscle relaxers as well. I am not a doctor, a while I can offer suggestions on adapting certain techniques to help with people who have difficulty with tightness, discomfort or pain, I’m far from an expert on specific conditions.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful, however, and I absolutely wish you the best in figuring out a way to effectively and consistently enjoy anal sex to the full extent of what you want. Do please feel free to follow up if you have more questions or updates.

I’ve also sent this post to someone from the Anal Only Lifestyle Discord server who can provide more perspective and a more detailed answer regarding your condition, and they will be responding in the comments of this post, so be sure to check back there as well.