Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Women’s Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve, loves sex toys, believes the world is much too porno-phobic, and thinks more women should give anal sex a try.

In other words, she’s the gynecologist every guy wants his girlfriend to meet.

Among the many sexually taboo topics, anal sex is probably one of the most well known.

All guys seem to want it, while all girls seem to hate it.

But Dr. Hutcherson believes that more women might actually find out that they like it if they give it a try. Women who don’t enjoy anal sex, she says, are probably doing it wrong.

Continue reading on Your Tango

That’s the question a Quora user asks. The majority of responses give the correct answer, namely that this happens normally and naturally and that anal sex does not cause one to become permanently “loose”.

Your anus will resume its normal size after anal sex. During and immediately after anal sex, it’s normal for the anus to gape open, but it will quickly return to normal.

It’s a myth that anal sex will “ruin” your anus. I’ve been enjoying anal sex for sixteen years and my anus is as tight as it ever was. What does happen with regular anal experience is you learn to relax your anus quickly to stimulation so that penetration is quicker and easier.

I had regular anal sex with my partner for past 10 years and my anus is same size as ever. My younger sister wo wants to retain her virginity till marriage is also having anal sex with her bf on regular basis and no change in size. Yes, post sex its a bit open for an hour os si but will go back to its normal size after that.

One response suggests they experienced permanent change:

Just like yours, my anus does not really go back to its size anymore. I stopped worrying about a couple of years ago. Guys actually seem to like it now even more after it became lippy and more open.

Since all of the sex I have (including masturbation) is purely anal, it did have long term effects on my anus.

However, since they exclusively have anal sex and masturbate anally regularly, it is far more likely that they simply are more relaxed and prepared for anal sex because they are doing it frequently, and know how to relax their anal muscles easily and at-will, which can even happen subconsciously. Even people who are extremely experienced with anal need to train and warm up again if they go for a few weeks, months or longer without any anal penetration. Actual long-term looseness only happens as a result of nerve damage, which is extremely rare.

David: Hi, im looking to explore other types of lubes. I enjoy Albolene for jacking off but never thought it was safe for anal use. Is this true?

It’s not approved by the FDA to be marketed for anything other than topical use, and I have not heard of any studies done on its safety for internal use as a personal lubricant.

However, anecdotally, I’ve heard of and known many people who have used it extensively and all have praised it and not experienced any negative short-term results from its use.

It does contain petroleum jelly, however, so if you have any concerns about internal use of petroleum products, I would suggest looking into other options. There are so many known body-safe lubricants out there that if you have concerns about one, there are plenty of other options.

In short: I don’t know. Many people use it, but I have some concerns personally.

Buttlyn: Ok. This is the second message I send to the blog and I hope you answer it too.

I’m the brazilian girl who had a broken pussy and a anal addicted boyfriend (nowadays my husband), but wanted to try v****** “sex”. It’s improbable that you remember, but ok. Here I go.

I have a soft brain palsy what made almost every muscle of mine more rigid than normal, including my butthole. It sucks.

At this point, I suppose that you already can guess what my problem is. Yeah, I discovered that’s the reason why I can’t be penetrated in my wronghole. But it also disturbs my pleasure while doing anal.

I don’t want to fuck using a anesthetic lube or this kind of shit, but I cannot train my butthole’s endurance because I have no control over it. Sometimes I watch those porn girls doing huge insertions, fisting and hatefuck and I feel like crying, full of envy. I feel myself impotent, like I’m not enough, like I’ll never become a more-than-good buttslut to my husband. My ass does not even loose up if I’m not rubbing my clit, and I cannot masturbate my asshole at the same time because I have only one functional hand.

I couldn’t give my man a nice Christmas assfucking due this problem. I’m about to freak out! Please, help me! My case is too specific for Google.

I suspect I would remember your earlier message, but I’m not sure offhand from just what you’ve said here. If you find your previous message in our archives, feel free to send a link to me and I can cross-link or tag them so that readers can easily follow the full conversation across posts.

Definitely don’t use an anesthetic lube, as that will only mask any pain, not prevent the root issue of muscle tightness/cramping. And where there’s pain, there’s risk of injury as a result of those tight muscles. What you need is a way to relax and warm up your muscles instead.

While it sounds like you’re experienced with anal sex at this point, you might want to go back to the early stages of anal training for solo play on your own and as warmup before sex. Lie on your side and rub your clit or use a vibrator on it while rubbing across and around your anus with a finger from your other hand and try to relax your anal muscles as you do so, then slip your finger inside as you feel ready to do so, and keep gradually going up in size from there. If smaller sizes cause you no trouble, try working around the edge of where larger sizes cause difficulty and discomfort. Even without such a medical condition, everyone has some anal muscles they can learn to consciously control and others that are involuntary, so while it may be more difficult for you, there may still be some benefits to working on this more often. Read our new anal training guide for more details on this topic if needed.

Depending on how much warmup you do before sex, you may need to do the above before you start a session, as well as rubbing your clit while your husband performs oral sex on your ass to further help it relax.

For clitoral stimulation during anal masturbation, you might look for a clitoral vibrator that attaches and stays in places so you don’t need to hold it. Venus butterfly vibrators and others similar to this sit in place over your pussy with bands that go around your legs to hold it there so it can keep vibrating against your clit hands-free.

Similarly, a dildo with a suction cup can help you to masturbate hands-free while you have one hand on your clit and ride up and down on a dildo without needing to hold it.

Finally, a doctor may be able to suggest exercises to help with pelvic floor muscle tightness or spasms, and may be able to prescribe muscle relaxers as well. I am not a doctor, a while I can offer suggestions on adapting certain techniques to help with people who have difficulty with tightness, discomfort or pain, I’m far from an expert on specific conditions.

I hope this is at least somewhat helpful, however, and I absolutely wish you the best in figuring out a way to effectively and consistently enjoy anal sex to the full extent of what you want. Do please feel free to follow up if you have more questions or updates.

I’ve also sent this post to someone from the Anal Only Lifestyle Discord server who can provide more perspective and a more detailed answer regarding your condition, and they will be responding in the comments of this post, so be sure to check back there as well.

That’s the topic of a thread over on WeddingBee, where a user asks:

I am just curious if others prefer anal over vaginal sex..I was diagnosed with having uterine fibroids which cause me to have bad cramps and pain everyday plus I am going through menopause so I have vaginal dryness..When we start foreplay I am fine but not long after I dry up so I much prefer anal cause it seems to feel better plus I can orgasm…I thought about using creams for the dryness but kinds concerned of the affects from the creams…Anyone else experience the same problem and prefer anal?

I’ve heard similar stories many times, where with age, pregnancy, or as the result of various medical conditions, women find vaginal sex becomes very uncomfortable, unpleasant, or even painful, and turn to anal for continued intimacy, pleasure and sexual expression, finding it far more enjoyable and quickly coming to prefer it.

Of course, anal already has a lot going for it even without an inability to enjoy painless vaginal sex, but for those unable to have vaginal, anal provides a welcome alternative.

While some of the responses are positive and supportive, or even curious, others are very opposed to the idea and spread false myths:

The back door is an exit only. It is not meant for that kind of… attention. So take special care. A surprising number of people end up in the ER due to anal sex mishaps. I don’t see why you wouldn’t just use lube. It’s not as if your anus is self-lubricating, so I assume you are already using lube. Anyways, if you like it, that’s fine but vaginal lubes are perfectly safe.

It’s time for this myth to die. Anal sex will not cause you to end up in the ER. And she’s not using lube for vaginal because she, in her own words, says that she prefers anal. Good grief.

Some others do share a similar preference, however.

Yep! It is actually what I started with.. and did for years, so I came to prefer it. It hurts doing it the “regular way” -_- Of course, it can hurt also if you don’t take certain obvious precautions lol..

I love it, probably more than vaginal sex!! My fiancé isn’t as keen but he complies  I’m a bit weird, I love the feeling afterwards, I like the pain, like he’s left his mark hahaha! I’m sick I know

And others comment on the judgmental attitudes expressed by some:

Wow, there’s a lot of judgy folks on here! Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s inherently “gross” or wrong. There’s lots of sexual activities that I’d admit don’t interest me, but have large followings for other people who DO enjoy them.

I really like anal, and we do it pretty often, but not all the time. I have to be in the right mood for the intense pleasure it offers. It’s certainly not “only an exit” (as evidenced by all the people who LIKE it an an entrance!) nor does it guarantee a mess all over your partner (has never happened to me in 6 years of anal). I don’t do any special preparation other than usually only doing it if I’ve already “emptied” earlier that day 

It’s all about what makes you and your partner feel good! If all parties consent that’s all that matters.

All told, however, it shows the persistent and pervasive myths and negative attitudes towards anal that many people hold, and which need to continue to be countered by positive accounts and honesty about what it’s really like when done properly from those who enjoy it.

Continue Reading at WeddingBee

Merry Christmas! For years, we’ve been answering questions about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle and giving advice to countless people through this blog, and that’s never going to change! But, while manually migrating nearly 1,900 posts off Tumblr to the new version of this blog, it became clear that many of the same questions got answered over and over again over the years.

To prevent redundant posts going forward, we’re happy to announce a new section on this blog, accessible via the Guide link in the menu at the top of each page, Anal Sex Advice & Guide to the Anal Only Lifestyle. Broken into a number of key topics, this page attempts to answer in detail most of the frequently asked questions about anal training, myths about anal sex, hygiene and enemas, types of lubricant, butt plug and dildo recommendations, how to have anal sex for the first time, how to have anal orgasms, how to go anal only and why one might want to do so, dating and finding new partners for an anal only relationship, and more.

More topics will be added in time, and more details will be added to pages as relevant additions come up or are recommended. If you see anything missing or that you believe is incorrect or should be amended, please feel free to send a message or leave a comment on this post and let us know.

sarlic91: Hey there, I’m starting to live the anal only lifestyle with my girl, but there’s a thing that troubles me. We both want to keep everything as(s) clean as possible, but I read on several sources that a repeated use of anal douches will damage the intestinal flora. Can you suggest a way to clean her gut on a regular basis (we have sex a few times a day) and also keep her health in mind? Thanks ahead ?

We discussed this in the Anal Only Lifestyle Discord already, but I’ll sum up my answer here as well for a general audience.

Essentially, if you stick to a small amount of water at a time, and just flush out the rectum, release the water, wait a moment, and repeat, until all the water comes out clean, there should be no significant impact to the balance of her intestinal flora deeper in the colon or to her digestive processes.

petoetertje: Hi, I am petoetertje from Fetlife. I want to add something to the debate if frequent anal sex can cause incontinence. Frequently people are thinking that somehow they will loose the ability to uphold stool. The most important continence muscle for solid stool is the puborectalis muscle. It’s a muscle sling situated at the turn from rectum to sigmoid colon. It pinches off the sigmoid colon much like you would pinch off a garden hose to prevent water flowing. So no risks involved there…

Quite right, but even the anal sphincter muscles themselves aren’t damaged or weakened simply having anal sex. A lot of people seem to think that over time they’ll end up with a permanent gaping anus, which simply doesn’t happen.

Anonymous: My wife and I really enjoy anal sex. We’ve been having it about once a week for the last couple of years. My wife says she would like to have it more, but she’s afraid it will cause her problems later. Of course I would love to have anal every time we have sex. Is there information I can give her to reassure her anal sex won’t cause problems later?

I have a lot of anecdotal evidence from conversations with people who have been doing anal for a long time, including couples who have been anal only together for 30+ years, and who have experienced no long-term issues as a result.

The anal sphincter muscles are naturally tight and closed when relaxed, and that remains the case even after extensive use and stretching. Using muscles strengthens them, and that’s the case with anal as well. It also increases their elasticity/flexibility, which makes it easier to relax and open up quickly, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still tightly closed when not in use, and can also be manually tightened through conscious control at any point. There are also exercises that can be done, just like kegel exercises, which target anal muscles and strengthen them further.

Another common concern is anal prolapse, but there’s no evidence that anal sex causes prolapse. It’s generally a preexisting condition that would develop on its own in the rare cases where it happens. What is most commonly shown in porn isn’t true prolapse, it’s the result of having very strong pelvic floor muscles and pushing out while simultaneously having a very open and relaxed anus, and is very much a conscious and deliberate thing rather than true “medical condition” level anal prolapse, which happens more uncontrollably, is very rare, and is not the result of anal sex/play.

Anal fissures can be a risk, but are easily mitigated by being conscious and the recipient listening to their body and stopping to reassess if something hurts, using enough lube, and warming up properly. Having anal sex more often, in fact, makes this and other sorts of injuries far less likely because the recipient remains far more constantly warmed up and ready for anal sex, which makes the entire process easier and requiring of less preparation.

So, yes, it’s quite safe to do it as often as she’s physically comfortable with, and the more often you do it, the more she’ll be physically comfortable with. Maybe try starting by going to twice a week for a month, then three times a week, and keep gradually increasing the frequency you do anal until you’re doing it every time, but at a slower pace so that she has time to adjust and assess and get comfortable with the idea and realize it’s not hurting her.

aletter2elise: I went a little overboard with my 7 inch long cock inside my asshole. I’m very sore and puffy inside and I was wondering what can I do to make it feel better? How long does it take for the swelling to go down? I feel so empty without my butt plug so how long should I have to wait before I can keep it back inside at all times?

Rest a few days to let it recover, use some aloe gel or similar on it, and once it’s not sore anymore, you can start using a plug again. It’s best to let it fully recover before starting again, and for a bit of soreness, that’s usually a few days.