It is incredibly humiliating to have to ask my partner for anal just so that I can get off but I don’t really know what I can do about it. It’s like my g-spot is somewhere completely different from everybody else’s.

The first time we tried anal and I came the moment he penetrated me. He was like “shit baby are you okay?” thinking he had hurt me and I was like “………..yes.”

I feel like less of a woman for not being able to cum vaginally when I can cum anally (and yes, I know most women can’t come from vaginal sex alone).

She gets many good replies:

I was with a girl for a while that seemed like she was this way. I don’t think it was the only way she ever got off, but she very definitely preferred it to vaginal. Before her, I always thought of anal as something that my partner and I might sometimes work up to during a session, but with this girl it was pretty common for us to skip vaginal entirely. I don’t think it’s something you should be humiliated about at all. If you’re into it (and you apparently are) and he’s into it, why not? Who cares?

You’d be surprised how close the vaginal wall is to the large intestine. It’s entirely plausible that either because of your position, shape/size of partners dick, or the vector of his thrust that feels most comfortable to him that it’s easier for him to hit your sweet spot from that doorway.

Unfortunately there are a few dumb myths spread in the thread as well:

Frequent anal sex can be very damaging in the long run. It can lead to anal incontinence and fissures in the wall between the vagina and anus by repeatedly putting undue pressure on the posterior membrane of the vagina. Also, tearing which is due to a lack of natural lubrication can increase the potential infection rate, and further the possibility of fissures. Lastly, frequent and vigorous anal sex can greatly increase the likelihood of a prolapse.

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Predictably, many people answer that they prefer vaginal, but there are some great responses from those few who do prefer it up the ass.

I prefer Anal! I think it feels more intense then Vaginal. We have been together for over 10 years it’s almost always been pussy until I finally figured out how to get comfortable enough to have Anal(2 years ago), ever since it’s been about half and half.

Then there’s this unfortunate response:

I’m afraid that if I start doing it more I may like it more, or possibly my husband may like it more

Women need to get over the hangup that vaginal sex is proper sex and that something is wrong with them or they’re less of a woman if they prefer anal. If she’s afraid she’s going to like anal too much if she has it too much, she already does prefer anal and is just too afraid to admit it. That’s unhealthy and it’s a damn shame to deny yourself something you love and prefer (and that your partner probably prefers too). Just admit your preferences to yourself and go with them. Life’s too short to be concerned about what’s the “right” or “proper” way to fuck. Fuck the way you want to.

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After a wife and mom read the accounts of two women who tried — but didn’t really like — anal sex, she got in touch with me to talk about why she likes it so much. Here, she shares her tips for experimenting with anal sex and discusses the stigma surrounding it.

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There are a lot of attitudes and myths about anal sex: Men want it more. It’s not pleasurable for her. Everyone’s doing it apart from you. It’s sinful. If he won’t, then I won’t. There’s no such thing as an anal orgasm.Only gay guys do anal.  So on and so forth.

These sex myths are demonstrably untrue; all they do is expose the fact that people don’t talk about anal sex very much, because it’s still relatively taboo in mainstream conversation. But why should this be? As part of a loving relationship, or even as part of a brief and hot encounter, anal sex has a lot to offer. Not to mention, the relative taboo nature of anal is part of its appeal for many participants.

If you are thinking of going for it, there are a few tricky obstacles to overcome. First, how do you initiate anal sex when you want it, especially if your partner has never experienced it before and has an attitude towards it? Second, how do you make anal sex more pleasurable and enjoyable, if one or both parties has the idea that it’s going to be nothing but painful?

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An excellent article on some of the biggest myths surrounding anal sex and examples of how they’re being perpetuated. A couple choice quotes, but the entire piece is worth a read.

But what of those “slutty” women who enjoy anal? Recent examples in popular culture paint women who seek service from the pleasure train in their caboose as loose and trashy. True Detective has been the most recent and blatant offender of this myth. In one scene, one of our male leads is seduced by a young woman with the promise of anal intercourse. She is essentially naked in every scene, without character development or lines, and has but one purpose: to stand in as the whore figure pit against the man’s virginal wife. And we know her sexuality goes above and beyond standard nudity as HBO warns us of the “graphic sexuality” in this episode as foreshadowed by the viewer discretion opening. The message is clear: nice girls don’t take it from behind.

Think of it this way: your anus is a muscle. The more you exercise said muscle, the stronger it becomes—like pumping iron for your sphincter. While you may find it easier to allow various objects the more comfortable you get with anal play, you’ll find it has much more to do with the Sexual Triad than with the threat of anal collapse.

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1. You don’t like trying new things.If you’re not adventurous and interested in trying something new sexually, anal sex is not for you. It requires slow experimentation with gentle caresses, exploring the—initially subtle—pleasures and sensations that can only be found inside your ass. Over time you must gradually increase the size of objects you use to masturbate anally until you reach your desired size—at or around the average size of a penis, usually. Great enjoyment and a sense of accomplishment can accompany this process as you reach new goals, but if you don’t want to try anything new…
2. You are easily swayed by negative opinions of others.If your friends or family members all tell you to stay away from anal sex because it’s gross, painful, gay, or just wrong—and if you decide to just trust their word for it, even if they don’t know what they’re talking about, rather than trying it for yourself the right way and seeing what you think, you may not have the right sort of mindset to enjoy anal sex. You need to approach it with an open mind, having read multiple guides on how to start having anal in an enjoyable manner, and be willing to try again if you fail. You often have to want anal to enjoy it when you’re first starting.
3. You care what other people think about your private sex life.If you’re afraid that your friends are going to judge you or call you a slut if they find out you have anal sex, and that fact keeps you from trying it, perhaps you shouldn’t try. After all, you wouldn’t want someone to think negatively of you for a stupid reason, would you?
4. You don’t want to become dependent on anal stimulation for pleasure.If you come to love anal stimulation, the more you’re going to want it. Once you feel an orgasm accompanied by anal stimulation, a regular orgasm will feel weak in comparison, and you’ll want anal stimulation every time you have sex or masturbate, and anal sex as often as you can.
5. You don’t enjoy experiencing immense pleasure and having incredible orgasms.The fact is, for most women, anal orgasms, or clitoral orgasms while being anally penetrated, are much more intense and easy to achieve than any other. Women who were unable to ever orgasm before have been able to cum just from being fucked in their ass without even touching their pussy or clit. Women who can orgasm have much more intense and satisfying orgasms from anal. The pleasure is far higher from anal, and if pleasure is something you want to avoid you should probably stay away from buttsex.

Anonymous: I’ve met quite a few men who didn’t want to have anal sex with me. I’ve been wondering, how come? Do you think there are men who think that anal sex is a gay thing, even though it’s with a woman?

Some men just aren’t very sexually open-minded, and while I think the majority would like to at least try anal, there is still a significant number who have qualms about it.

Some do think trying it makes them gay, others think it’s gross, and a common objection is the same some women use: why try anal when there’s something “better” (according to the person who hasn’t actually compared the two) right beside it.

A self-described sex specialist posted the following on her blog, claiming to be correcting misconceptions men have about anal from viewing porn—unfortunately, her corrections are full of misconceptions:

boys like anal because of what they see in porn…
the assumption that its going to feel better because its tighter..
this is exactly how porn is misleading.. men who know how to satisfy a woman and have experienced making a woman orgasm usually do not even like anal. not only can a woman not orgasm from it, there is also no natural lubriation, or pulsing contractions (like there are in the vagina). Anal is also less intimate and is missing the gratification from arousing a woman (comparatively speaking)

While not all women can orgasm from anal penetration alone, many can, because the clitoris and g-spot can be stimulated anally—in many cases, better than it can vaginally. Furthermore, if you externally stimulate the clitoris while being anally penetrated, the anal penetration often amplifies the sensations from your clit. So while some will require more than just anal penetration, the anal penetration does often make it more pleasurable.

Natural lubrication is wildly overrated. All you need is a bottle of lube and a few seconds to a minute to apply it. A total non-issue. Plenty of women need lube for vaginal sex as well.

No pulsing contractions? Clearly not someone with a lot of experience with anal sex, because any such contractions felt vaginally are even more powerful anally. Anal muscles are incredible, and the pulsing contractions when she orgasms while you’re inside her ass are just about the best thing ever.

Anal is more intimate than vaginal sex, if you do it right. There are plenty of anal only couples who make love anally and find it to be far more intimate than vaginal sex. Anal is something special, far more special than vaginal.

When ever I am with my girlfriend and we are having sex I go straight for the bum, its seems I have no interest for the vagina just the bum, does these mean I am gay? I mean im not attracted to men but im am literally an anal sex addict! I really need your help guys so please help.

Fortunately, everyone in this comment thread is pretty reasonable and reassures him that this is totally normal and not gay.

A woman asks why her husband only wants anal sex and loses his erection when having vaginal sex with her:

Even when I beg, he would have anal sex first, get hard, and have doggy style for few seconds before he goes limp again.
Is it me? I don’t get it. Advise, please! I am so horny!

Reaction is mixed, with some making the idiotic and stereotypical “he’s gay” comments, but some good responses as well, indicating that some men simply prefer anal sex and that plenty of women do as well.

He’s not gay. Gay men are attracted to men, not anuses.

What’s with all of these “gay” comments? Ridiculous. Does it make a guy gay that he likes getting BJs from his gf/wife? Of course not. So why should engaging in anal sex be any different? I’m a woman and I vastly prefer anal sex, but my husband has a hangup against it. Such a shame. There is no explaining why I like it better. It just stirs something primal in me that vaginal sex doesn’t.

It all goes downhill from there, alas, with everyone else piling on and saying he’s guaranteed to be gay, because in their limited view of the world, the only reason a man would prefer fucking a woman’s ass instead of her pussy is because he secretly wants to be with men.

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