Anonymous: I recently just had anal sex for the first time and afterwards my butthole felt a little gaping. I took a look and a little piece of skin was popping out that wasn’t there before. Could this possibly be prolapse or a hemorrhoid or is will my hole retract back to its normal size?

It’s normal to feel looser or like you’re gaping for a while after having anal, especially when it’s new. This feeling can sometimes last a few days, though usually goes away within a few hours. The area can also be a bit engorged from arousal or swollen from use—especially when starting out.

If you’re prone to hemorrhoids, anal can make them flare up sometimes. Despite the common myths, anal is not believed to cause prolapse—and even if it did, it certainly wouldn’t happen the first time you had anal!

Anonymous: My girls ass is tight. Normal look of it tight and nice, We rarely have sex due to busy schedule of both of us but we are getting married end of this year. the thing is some time after anal if we had a long time sex her ass gaped open, not huge a little. now she is concern that would be permenet, We love to have sex a lot. After we married we will be together more time and that is mean more anal for sure, would that gape be permenet or just for few sec, for now it gets normal.

Assuming that you take the proper care to gradually warm up her anus and loosen it before having sex, and aren’t causing any painful damage, any gaping or looseness after will start to tighten within minutes and be largely back to normal within a few hours or sooner. The baseline tightness can be a little looser still for a few days after sometimes, but this doesn’t matter for much except for the ease of having more anal sex the next day.

Regular healthy anal sex actually improves muscle tone and control in the anus rather than harming it. There are anal only couples who have been having daily anal sex for many years with zero issues. If you do everything properly and never cause her any pain during anal, chances are you can have as much anal sex as you want, even many times per day, without causing any permanent looseness (although if you’re doing it that often she’ll stay looser just because she’s have sex so often she doesn’t have time to tighten up after—but if you’re having sex that often, you want that, because it means much less preparation each time).

dragonstout: Soo what are your thoughts on long term AO Lifestyle with prolapsing ?? Joined the site today!

Healthy anal sex, even in a long-term anal only relationship, does not cause anal prolapse. Damage to the anus/rectum, or an already unhealthy or at risk anus/rectum causes prolapse.

Anonymous: I think a woman looks more beautiful when being taken anally. There is something about it that feels very natural. I’d love to have mostly anal with my wife if I could but she say’s it is something we shouldn’t do too often. I sure wish I could change her mind because I’ve always felt like it is something “meant to be” between us. She even gets off better thru anal like I’ve heard others say. But she still finds reasons not to. Is our situation common do you think?

Why does she not want to do it too often? Is it because she prefers vaginal, because she thinks vaginal is the “proper” way to regularly have sex, or because she’s worried about health issues from frequent anal sex?

Anonymous: I have been asking things here for a while now, but I feel this is the best place to ask as I have followed this blog for a while now and practice healthy and enjoyable anal sex. My question is: I have never gone all the way in my girlfriend’s ass. I’m 6.5″ but I only penetrate about 3″ max. Are there any side effects for the girl from going deep in her ass, and is it ok to cum in deep?

Anal sex for most people occurs within the rectum, which varies in length from person to person, with an average of about 4.7″. At the upper end of the rectum, there is a sharp bend to the person’s left and it transitions into the sigmoid colon. When an object (a penis or a dildo or what have you) bumps into that bend, it can at times be painful for the person but generally does not cause harm simply to bump into it without being forceful.

If you are gentle and the person is able to relax enough, it can be possible to (temporarily) straighten that bend, assuming your penis is longer than their rectum, and penetrate into the sigmoid colon. This can potentially be very pleasurable for both people if done correctly, but care must be taken to avoid hurting the person being penetrated.

There is also a higher chance of encountering fecal matter beyond that bend. The rectum generally remains empty except right before one feels the need to go to the bathroom, but the colon itself may contain fecal matter that hasn’t yet progressed into the rectum.

If you have not reached the end of the rectum and are simply staying within its first 3 inches, there is no risk from deeper penetration of the rectum, and there is no problem with deep ejaculation either.

Anonymous: I have submitted my personal experience for a while now, but now I am nervous about something else too. Frankly, we are not a 100% anal only couple. She has a small butt plug she bought before we tried anal. Now she says she likes to wear it for a while, not for long, like a hour or may be half an hour when she cooks or doing simple house work, but even she is curious about it—is it going to have a negative effect somehow in her ass?

No. There is no indication that even long term butt plug wear (days, weeks, months at a time with only several minute breaks) causes harm. It’s possible that a very large toy could cause harm to someone not prepared for it, but it’s likely going to cause discomfort far, far, far before any harm occurs. A small, comfortable plug can safely be worn even all day or longer with no issues at all (and it helps train the anal muscles, making future anal sex and pleasure easier).

There are so many girls out there spreading things claiming anal sex not good or that girls never should try it, entirely because of their own bad experiences. But the problem is not anal sex, the problem is how they tried it. My GF and I have been enjoying anal for some months now, and she is not complaining about so called bad experiences. So I say stop spreading rumors if you don’t like it. It is your loss. Let others enjoy it, as they should be. Others should share their personal thoughts about this too, including if your girl enjoys it.

Anonymous: I’m really interested in going anal only as a lady, but I have 2 concerns. 1) no matter how much lube I use, with toys I always seem to bleed. Is it going to be less common with a guy since its skin on skin? and 2) I really, really don’t ever want a gape. I don’t want the muscle to get loose or do damage so i ever feel uncomfortable using the bathroom or that I’m gonna fall out. But I LOVE sex, and love anal when I do it myself. Any solutions to reduce muscle wear over time?

You might just need to go more slowly and with smaller toys at first. Even with lube, stretching a bit too much too quickly can cause minor bleeding. If you do encounter bleeding, just stop the play and let it heal for a day or two. Try something like wearing a butt plug for a while before doing other forms of anal play to help relax the area beforehand.

Gapes are not permanent and not really the result of stretching (except in extreme cases). They are the result of gaining muscle control and being able to consciously relax those muscles. Anal play and sex with penis-sized objects will not cause muscle damage (assuming the proper warmup). It is possible to cause damage with larger objects, but that’s extremely rare and it’s of course also possible to safely play with large objects. Regular safe anal play increases your muscle control over the area and you can more easily tighten or loosen at will. Loss of muscle tone from anal sex is a myth. Using your anal muscles strengthens them.

For those of you who want to introduce your wife or girlfriend to the pleasure of anal sex, but need to advice on how to proceed, read this article. It is particularly aimed at those with partners resistant to trying this new experience, whether it be due to irrational fear or ignorance about the subject.

Here’s an extract:

The first goal is to help her overcome any social conditioning and/or general disgust that she feels towards her arsehole currently, and to do this you’re going to try to introduce her to the pleasure that can be enjoyed by her arse, but without pushing her boundaries too far. This is of course a balancing act, and you would be well advised to err on the side of caution. In addition, it’s worth bearing in mind that this is certainly not going to be a quick process. This could easily take a few months. The longer you’re willing to invest, the greater your chances of success…

Anonymous: A friend convinced my girlfriend that anal sex is untold agony. That she had it accidentally slipped in and she couldn’t walk for days. Now my girlfriend is convinced it is disgusting and very painful, not even letting the gentlest of touches there. Any advice on how to talk to her into possibly trying it?

If she’s made up her mind against it it will be hard to convince her to try anything. You can ask her if you can try rubbing the pad of your thumb against the outside of her anus during vaginal sex or cunnilingus, and assure her you will not try to slip anything inside unless she tells you to.

If you do make any sort of progress with mild anal play, don’t spoil it by trying to jump right into full anal sex. Take things very slowly and let her know that you’ll go at her pace. Just stick with external stimulation for a while until she wants to try a (well-lubricated) finger very gently inserted. You should only be trying to insert your penis once she can comfortably fit something the same size after having worked up from a series of smaller but increasingly larger objects. I’m talking weeks to a month or more of regular anal play before you even consider full blown anal sex. The actual amount of time depends entirely on each person’s preferences and body.

I think in order to convince her to try anything at all you have to tell her that you’d like to show that it can be pleasurable for her and not painful and assure her you won’t try to go too fast and take things very slowly. And also tell her up front from the start that you think she could really enjoy it, but if she doesn’t want to try it you’ll respect that.