A pretty good guide to anal sex on xoJane:

I love everything about butt sex. I love having it, talking about it, fantasizing about it. I love, especially, the phrase “butt sex,” which delivers a feeling as satisfying as the “Wham Bam Thank you Ma’am” part of “Sufragette City.”

It’s not perfect, e.g. suggesting you can’t have anal sex with a large penis, which is absurd—it just requires more training beforehand.

I probably never would have discovered the joy of painless anal if I hadn’t gotten down with one of those dudes who is into anal as a sort of lifestyle choice. He was such a b-hound that he knew exactly what he was doing – I just had to lay back and let him get me turned on, lubed up, stretched out and then pop that sucker in like it was no thing. I think of him as sort of an anal whisperer. Letting a guy like this initiate you into the world of butt sex can be excellent.

Read more at xoJane.com [archive link]

An article at shymagazine.com lists 13 of the reasons women (at least outwardly) give for not wanting to have anal sex.

They are easy to either debunk, or address when armed with appropriate knowledge, but is still worth reading so that you are prepared if any should ever come up.

I suspect that many are simply the first thing that comes to mind caused by the anxiety of being confronted by the unknown – a knee-jerk response.

Apologies for the title – the point is to show how absurd and out of touch even the supposed “experts” are.

The title is borrowed from a submission to askdanandjennifer.com from “Frustrated girl”:

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

Now, you would suppose that the love and sex advisers would point out that it’s a diverse world and different people are turned on by different sexual acts, and to varying degrees – and as long as it is consensual then nothing is unusual. WRONG!

Instead they end up sowing confusion and propagating the same old myths:

However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

No, they just like anal sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

No, he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction, as he’s capable of anal sex.

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it.

Not that one again. Where is the evidence “making a habit out of it” causes any harm?

Whilst the article wishes to be seen as balanced, understanding and impartial, the advice given is actually founded on ignorance and fear.

A woman has concerns about her boyfriend:

My boyfriend is younger than me. He claims he is a “big fan of butt sex”, and he loves oral. But I’m just concerned because people have been telling me he might be on the DL, Bi, or gay. He only wants to penetrate me in the butt not the other way around.

You hear this so often, that an interest in anal sex is somehow considered an activity that precludes heterosexuality.

This idea is nonsense. The latest statistics indicate around 40%-50% of heterosexual couples have either tried anal sex or have have it on a regular basis.

The fact that the boyfriend is wanting to have sex with his girlfriend is the glaringly obvious clue to his sexuality.

He’s just a normal man who is attracted to his girlfriends butt, like millions of other normal men. His preference for anal sex is a natural part of him, just like being attracted to women.

One reply sums it up thus:

You have to decide what your into.. he was upfront and honest it sounds like. By saying he’s a fan of butt sex. Now you be open and honest as well. Most men like anal. I don’t think being gay or.Straight has anything to do with it. If you don’t like it though, you shouldn’t do it.

zilfer25: Have you heard of any long term affects of anal sex? Such as anything that could harm the health of my girlfriend. She lets me have anal sex with her quite alot and I love it but I dont want to cause any harm. Ive been with her for 12 years now and we have had anal sex so much now there is no need for lube or foreplay I can just go to town and she has orgasms this way too.

There is very little risk from normal anal sex done properly. Extreme insertions with large toys carries a greater risk of damage that can cause long term harm, but that can be done safely as well. The anus is a sphincter muscle, and using it more frequently strengthens it—it only gets weakened if it gets damaged.

Sexinfo101.com has an article about anal intercourse, particularly for newcomers.

Much of the advice can be found at many other sites, but one of the most important sections is this:

Most people believe that anal intercourse hurts and that it is always an uncomfortable experience. This is quite simply false. As with any form of intercourse, the anus, like the vagina, must become used to the activity. Any woman who remembers her first time having sex probably recalls a painful experience. In fact, the first couple of times were probably painful and not that enjoyable. Did they stop having sex? In almost all cases, they didn’t. Anal intercourse falls under the same guidelines for both genders; it takes practice to get accustomed to the activity.

This needs to be repeated and understood and communicated to a wider audience, for the ‘hurt factor’ is often cited as a reason not to do anal.

As one man replies:

She didn’t think it was gonna be fun. Yea that was one time a long long time ago. Convinced her that I really like anal, had it a few times before, and that those girls loved it once they got over the fear.
She was really hesitant, but she knew I wanted it. We followed all the tips, especially pushing out when I started pushing in.
She loved it, in fact anal is now our go to. For us, vaginal is like the foreplay with anal being were we finish.
We like HQ Olive Oil as lube. Damn good stuff and coats it all real good.
She wishes now that she didn’t put up such a big fight then, but is so thankful that she tried it for me.

Actually, there are none, other than a deeper and more satisfying sexual relationship. But that doesn’t stop people worrying, or others maliciously spreading false rumors about anal sex.

The idea certainly causes much anxiety, such as in this case:

Will having alot of anal sex cause problems for the woman later on in her life?

They have an excellent answer is this reply:

My wife just had her annual physical and I went with her. Specifically to discuss the fact that we started having anal sex since her last visit, and I wanted to make sure everything was OK.

After having anal sex 2-3 times a week for the last 9 months or so, including very vigorous and deep thrusting on my part, I can report that her doctor says her rectum and lower colon are in perfect health. Her doctor also said that anal sex is fine as long as plenty of lubrication is used. She also said that there are no studies that show any higher percentage of anal prolapse, loss of bowel control, etc., in people who receive anal sex than in people who don’t. Those maladies are a product of age and/or disease unrelated to anal intercourse.

The short answer, is to have as much anal sex as often as you’d like without any unnecessary worry about causes any harm.

The answer of course, is a resounding yes. Most women are not only capable of enjoying anal sex, but also coming to like it more than vaginal.

However, it is not something you can switch to straight away, without knowledge or adequate preparation.

As this man finds out, if a woman is fearful, having been conditioned to expect the experience to be unpleasant then it takes care and patience to build up to actual penetration.

Hello. I’m 24 year old male and I have some questions for all women out there. You see, these last couple of months I have talked a lot about anal sex with my friend.
So they told me that they all practiced it with their girlfriends and that it was great- for them and for girls.
So, just the other day I have tried it to do it for the first time with my girlfriend. When I tried to penetrate her she screamed because she was in lot of pain and told me that we will never try anything similar again. She also told me that no woman can enjoy in this awful act. So, I started doubting in what my friends told me earlier about it.
So, I would like to know are there actually women who enjoy anal sex?

He is reassured by the many response, from both sexes, that woman can and do enjoy anal. Besides, it is becoming increasingly common, perhaps even the norm, that heterosexual relationships include anal play/sex of some kind.

Several responses from women, say that while they do enjoy anal now, initially they were uncomfortable because their partner rushed things, or did not use any lubrication.

analassblog: Nice blog, I’m sending to the link to my wife now. We started having anal sex and she loved it, had some of the best orgasms she’d ever had. But she stopped because she was worried that it might cause her to have issues holding “stuff” in. hoping she’ll get some good info here.

With proper preparation and slow, gradual stretching to warm up, anal sex does not cause incontinence. A loosening of the anal sphincter is caused by damage from forcing it to expand too much too quickly. Proper anal sex and masturbation actually strengthens it and helps the recipient to gain more conscious control over it.

If anal sex ever hurts, you should stop immediately and build up more slowly to avoid the pain. If it doesn’t hurt and feels great, there’s not much to worry about and you should both enjoy it regularly.

Those are the questions asked by a man at bodybuilding.com.

He seems to be genuinely surprised when he says:

Seriously, the time it takes to make her cum is less and her O cumming reaction is like 500x more intense when i put it in her ass and rub her clit than when i fuk her puss. Turns into the dirtiest cock lovin slut when her butthole is filled up and being pounded lol.

And follows on:

But i’m seriously somewhat curious as to why it would make her cum easier… the skin between vadge and anus is thin as hell, but at the same time, it seems like vadge would feel better.

So i think she’s likely getting off on the mental aspect of it, but she says it feels like she’s filled up way more / it’s deeper or something.

His disbelief that she could prefer anal, refusal to accept her word and also his own claim that he thinks vaginal feels better reveals a man very much in denial. Often many men aren’t comfortable with their own sexuality and associate vaginal sex with masculinity and self worth.

His girlfriend is just like millions of other women, who happen to find anal is more pleasurable and fulfilling for them. Unlike him it sounds as though she is comfortable with this fact, open, and honest.