This category contains posts that discuss common myths. For more information, see our list of Common Myths & Fears About Anal Sex and Long-term Health.
If you’re gearing up to have anal sex for the first time, you’ve probably got some questions. Chief among them: Is anal sex poop a real thing?
Ready for it?…Yep, it might happen. But before you freak out, rest assured that there are things you can do make it less of a, well, messy affair…and something you really enjoy.
Looking back on your Sex Ed days, you probably got to the basics that P-in-V sex can lead to pregnancy. Anal sex was most likely left out of that pregnancy convo, and that’s probably because you technically can’t make a baby in your b-hole.
But, even though you can’t get pregnant from anal itself, it’s still possible (say what?).
All genders, identities, and sexual orientations can enjoy anal play (which can involve a penis, dildo, other sex toys, or fingers… get creative). But, when it comes to the possibility of pregnancy, we’re talking about penis to anus located near a vagina.
Going through the backdoor is a pretty common item on the sexual menu for women. One study, found more than a third of U.S. women said they’d had anal with a male partner in the past 3 months. Another study found that 13 percent of women had anal in the past 12 months, while 36 percent of women had done so in their lifetime.
These stats may vary, but one thing is certain: People are out there plundering the booty. Here’s what you need to know when it comes to pregnancy risk and anal sex.
This message was originally posted to the Anal Only Bdsmlr blog, and is being cross-posted here.
Anonymous: You keep enconraging gapes and double anal. They’re indeed a very sexy thing, but in reality wouldn’t you be afrait if the one good hole get’s loose there’s nothing to enjoy anymore?
While in fantasy, some people like the idea of women being stretched out to the point that they can’t enjoy even anal anymore, that doesn’t really happen in real life aside from major injury and nerve damage.
Gapes are just the result of learning to control your anal muscles and keep them relaxed open. Because you have that control, you can also let them tighten back up again too, when you’re ready to do so.
Stretching from increased usage, whether from larger partners, larger toys, or from double anal, doesn’t mean that you’re always loose, it just increases your upper limit of comfortable stretching. You can still stay tight when you want to have sex that way, and enjoy smaller penetration as well. Women like Roxy Raye, who can have massive gapes and enjoy huge toys, still close up tight after and can have “normal” anal sex too.
That said, some women simply prefer larger penetrations and over time may find that they want to focus on large toys or double anal, because thats what gives them the most pleasure, and that’s perfectly fine as well if it’s what they want and they’re able to sustain it.
Anal sex is in. To be fair, it has been for quite some time (and for queer men, it’s always been in). In fact, Marie Claire went as far to call 2014 the “Year of the Booty,” and in December of that year, Mic wrote a feature called: This Year Was a Game-Changer for Anal Sex — Even for the People Who Weren’t Having It.
Six years later, anal is still going strong. As a sex writer, I’m constantly asked to write pieces about how to have healthier and more pleasurable anal sex.
By why is everyone talking about anal sex now? In large part, it’s because a sex-positive revolution is happening, and we’re more open to exploring our sexuality and vocalizing our desires. (For the record, people were always having anal sex before it was “in”—the mainstream media simply wasn’t talking about it the same way.) Also, anal sex feels really fucking good. Plain and simple. It feels good to do things to someone else’s butt, and have someone else do things to your butt. Really, the more butts involved during sex, the better.
Don’t just take my word for it. I reached out to 12 sex-positive men, asking them to describe, in detail, what anal sex feels like. Their answers make it clear that anal sex isn’t just in—it’s here to stay.
If you’ve followed us for a while, you’re probably familiar with our Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle, which has been a part of this website for the past year since moving off Tumblr.
It’s always going to be a freely available resource as part of this blog for those who want to learn more about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, but I’m happy to announce that you can also purchase it in an ebook format through Amazon as well, if that’s how you prefer to do your reading!
It can be a good resource if you’re just getting started, and it can make a good gift for friends who might be interested in anal or going anal only. Either way, it helps support this blog and the greater anal only community.
And, if you’re looking for another way to support the anal only community, consider becoming a Patron!
When I’ve asked women to spread, it can almost feel invasive. At least the first few times. It’s not like in porn where a woman moans then spreads her asshole out super wide and says “stick it in my shithole, baby”. No, it’s much more intimate than that. Especially for her.
I want my woman to feel like she’s giving me the holy grail of sex. I want her to act out with the confidence of seeing it as the ultimate compliment to her physical form. Her femininity should not feel under threat.
In conclusion, I want her to feel like her assholes worth a million bucks when we fuck!
One of several good responses:
Positive reinforcement is commonly one of the best ways to go. When you have anal, be sure to compliment her on all the things you love about her ass/asshole. Tell her how sexy it looks or how pretty/cute her asshole is, how good it feels to you, how much you appreciate using her ass. Don’t beat the horse about it, but do it enough times that the continued positivity will eventually make her feel more confident with it. She may not ever feel exactly how you feel about it, but her feeling more confident and at ease with it will certainly help a good deal in general.
Talk to many women about anal sex, and if they aren’t already a fan, chances are that many have a lot of negative ideas about it. These ideas may come out of past attempts with inexperienced partners, stories from friends, or just various myths that spread through popular culture and the media.
But the reality is that some of the biggest enthusiasts of anal sex are women, because the potential for amazing pleasure can benefit women the most, and this highlights an essential path for encouraging anal to more people.
Those of us who love anal and know better than to believe negative myths and ideas about it should counter that negativity by being openly positive about anal and our love for it when it comes up in conversation. Instead of ignoring people when they say something negative, we should speak up and share our own opinions and experiences that are in direct contrast with that negativity.
Most people prefer positivity and want to like things, but it’s easy to get dragged down by negativity. When all a woman hears from her friends is jokes and mockery about anal sex, the chances of her wanting to try it is pretty minimal, but when she hears a friend share how it’s her favorite way to have sex and gives her the best orgasms she’s ever had, she’s probably going to want to try too, and it can start a dialogue about proper technique and how to begin.
So, the next time you hear someone say something negative about anal, be prepared to calmly and respectfully respond with your own positive opinions about it.
1. Do you get poop on your partner?
2. Do you develop anal incontinence?
3. Long lasting issues from too much anal sex?
To which another Reddit user responds:
More anal enthusiast than anal only, but I’ll take a stab at these:
1. Do you get poop on your partner? Not on purpose (unless he’s into that ?), but no matter how well you clean out, accidents will occasionally happen. Like everything else related to sex, communication is key, and knowing the limits of your body is a necessity. Good diet and establishing a bathroom and cleaning routine can help immensely.
2. Do you develop anal incontinence? Absolutely not. The anal sphincter is a muscle, and much like any other muscle in the body, it gets stronger with use, not weaker. I have learned what it feels like to relax my bowels, so I can warm up faster and worry far less about pain (initially, anal would hurt if I didn’t take time to warm up with plugs and toys but I can take a dick with no prep now), but I’ve never lost control of my bowels while not having sex.
3. Long lasting issues from too much anal sex? Only if you consider orgasms to be a bad thing ?. Anal feels great, makes me cum faster (and harder), keeps sex interesting, and somehow remains taboo (ass to mouth still makes me feel like a filthy whore). I love it!
Anonymous: I read the post last week that criticized you for encouraging women to learn to love anal and keep practicing if they don’t enjoy it. I think that was really unfair, because women can definitely learn to love anal. I know because I’m a woman who started out in her same position and hated anything to do with my ass but my husband when we were dating in college really wanted to do anal with me and we talked about it and I agreed to try because I loved and trusted him and he started slowly and gently and showed me that I could actually feel really good with something in my ass and over a few months got me to where I begged him to fuck my ass. We’re still together and six years later we’re in an anal only marriage.
Was it hard at first? Sometimes, yes, but because he helped me to see the appeal and made me want it, I was willing to put in the effort to first try what he wanted, and then start to want it myself. But if you don’t want it, you won’t put in that effort and you’ll resist and resent what he wants to try, and that leads to never enjoying it.
Thanks for sharing, and you’re exactly right. I think anyone can learn to love anal, but they have to want to learn it. And if they’re coming into it from a position of being pressured or resenting their partner for making them do something they don’t want to, chances are they won’t enjoy it.
But if you like the idea and want to learn how to do it right, that will go a long way towards making you love a cock up your ass.
Anal sex can be tricky. It comes with a lot of hows and whats and dos that many might switch over to their private browser to search for. And while you may have some embarrassing questions about the logistics of backdoor play, know that you should never be ashamed about any of your curiosities, because chances are many others are probably thinking the same thing.
To get all of your questions answered, we asked the best person for the job. Alicia Sinclair, clinical sexologist and founder of b-Vibe anal products, didn’t hold back in any of her responses — including the inevitable question about pooping during anal sex.