An ongoing trend in places like Bdsmlr and other places that dive deep into the fantasies and kinks that surround anal sex is to focus on degradation, pain, and other negatives. While the intent of this isn’t to shame those who enjoy those kinks, I think that the focus on that side of anal can harm its widespread adoption and enjoyment.

Instead, I’d like to talk about one of the best side effects of anal sex and the anal only lifestyle: the bliss and joy and just sheer happiness that one can experience by going anal only. Lots of people enjoy anal sex, but there’s something kind of magical that happens once you make the decision to fully stop using your vagina (and even more so with your clit) for sex and switch to anal penetration only.

Because your body no longer receives any vaginal stimulation, it is able to fully adjust to anal stimulation as its primary pleasure source, and if no longer experiencing any clitoral stimulation either, you no longer have the negative emotional side effects of clit orgasms that many women experience, such as loss of arousal and post-orgasm depression.

This results in a more constant, increased state of arousal that no only makes you more eager for sex more often, it can boost your mood and genuinely make you happier throughout the day as well. Couples who go anal only report not only greater enjoyment of sex, but becoming closer together as a couple and being happier and more satisfied individually.

Anal and the anal only lifestyle are a joyous thing. Sure, if some of the other kinks appeal to you and are something that you enjoy, by all means incorporate them into your life as well, but don’t let them define anal sex for you if they aren’t something you want.

Every couple of years — whisper it — anal sex comes back. Trends. Then it goes away, not in practice but as part of the public conversation.

While researching my book I observed the act’s fluctuations. In the course of that decade and among the heterosexual people I interviewed, anal sex went from being a whispered desire or fear to carrying with it a unique shame that surprised me. Interestingly, that shame was levied against the women who didn’t want to do it.

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There’s a difference between the question of whether anal sex can be romantic and whether anal sex is romantic for me. Although I personally don’t find anal sex romantic or desirable, I have no difficulty acknowledging that for some people, it can be very romantic. Like most things in life, romance is subjective.

Why not? Romance means different things to different people. As long as we are talking about consenting adults where everyone’s needs are being met and everyone’s boundaries are being respected, anything goes. Not everyone enjoys anal sex or finds it romantic, but not everyone enjoys a box of chocolates and a bouquet of roses either.

Romance is not reserved for the vagina. Besides, not everyone has a vagina anyway, and not everyone wants one either, and that’s wonderful. Society is finally approaching a point where we realize that sex and romance is about more than inserting Tab A into Slot B, where “Tab A” equals the penis, and “Slot B” is the vagina.

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Anonymous: My girlfriend and I have been talking about going anal only lately and we have some questions. We both like the idea of it, and she might honestly want it even more than me, but we want to make sure that we can do it safely and sustainably.

We do anal probably 85% of the time or more right now but sometimes she gets sore or doesn’t feel up to doing it and that’s when we do vaginal just as a backup but it isn’t what we like doing. But if we go anal only, what do we do in those situations?

We’ve noticed that when we have anal every day she stays more relaxed, does this mean she’s getting looser and will that cause any problems later?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

First of all, if you’re considering going anal only, I say go for it and give it a try. The best way to determine if it’s really for you is to just dive in and do it. Give yourself a month or two challenge to commit to it at first, and that will let you see what it’s really like and time to work out any particular issues. And then by the end of that trial period, decide if you want to extend it further, or just commit to it long term from there.

As for those times that soreness or preparation keep her from wanting to do anal, you’ll find as you shift to only doing anal that soreness generally goes away pretty quickly and as anal becomes something you do every time, her body will adjust to it and generally stop being sore even if it’s something you do daily. When she doesn’t feel well or has digestion issues that get in the way of doing anal, taking a break for a day or so to focus on oral instead can serve as a viable substitute instead of vaginal.

Her staying more relaxed when doing anal daily is actually what I was talking about above, and how it will keep her from getting sore as easily. Relaxed anal muscles don’t mean she’s getting loose, it just means she’s staying relaxed and warmed up due to more regularly using those muscles. It’s not a health concern, it’s actually keeping her safer by always being warmed up and ready for sex and so less prone to injury.

It sounds like you’re in the perfect place to shift to anal only, you just need to make that last jump now. Good luck!

Anonymous: My experiences might be a little different, but in my personal experience, I got so much hate from most women for preferring anal as my own choice while most men either don’t care or don’t judge girls who prefer anal or are anal-only. It’s sad that they think girls like me love anal for male approval when it’s not the case. Anal sex is slowly becoming accepted by people who have positive and proper anal experience, even if it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. Unfortunately, there are still people holding themselves back with anal myths and taboos that prevented them for wanting to give anal sex a try. Even on Twitter, I, a female, felt uncomfortable due to tons of hateful speech about non-vaginal sex.

The wise lesson says that vaginal sex is for getting babies, however, anal sex is for good and strong never-ending pleasure. Idk if there are girls that have the same thoughts as me, but I would love to talk about my love for anal in safe space without getting backlash.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had negative interactions with other women about anal sex. I think that sort of reaction usually comes out of myths, as you noted, which are generally driven by bad experiences they have had or heard about from friends. Sometimes it becomes almost a meme where it gets passed around from friend to friend without anyone knowing where it even originated or how it started, but keeping people from trying anal for themselves as a result. There’s where more people being open and positive about anal and how good it actually is for them, and why, helps to slowly combat that problem and starts to create a positive meme about anal and puts the idea of it being a good, enjoyable, pleasurable thing into the social consciousness.

As far as a safe space for anal positivity and discussion, this community is certainly intended for that purpose—between the forum, the Discord server, and this blog, you are likely to interact with a lot of people who share an interest in and love of anal sex. If you aren’t already a member, I’d encourage joining in and talking with other people in the community.

For the longest time, the representation of anal in porn was centered around the idea of it being something that guys wanted, girls rarely did, and when they did it, they would suffer through it and dislike it but do it for their guys. This gave many people the impression that that’s what anal was like in the real world, despite the fact that most of the porn actors in such scenes actually enjoyed anal and were pretending that it hurt or they disliked it. The result was a lot of women with no interest in even trying it, based on that false perception, combined with other myths and persistent ideas based on bad experiences of friends.

In the past decade, porn has generally shifted to a much more positive portrayal of anal sex and pleasure, focusing on the fact that women can and do in fact very much enjoy it, and can get a lot of pleasure from it. This is a good change, for sure, and has turned on a lot more people to the idea, encouraging them to try it for themselves to see if the same is true for them, resulting in a rapidly growing interest in and practice of anal sex by people in their regular sex lives.

More recently, however, a new trend has formed on Tumblr and Bdsmlr and other similar platforms, where a large quantity of the content and captions relating to anal sex and the anal only lifestyle are from a one-sided, misogynistic, “male pleasure is all that matters” perspective, and often focus on the idea that it’s not enjoyable or is even actively painful or harmful to women, and pushes that idea hard as a positive thing. Now, there certainly is a place for that as a kink, but it’s been unfortunate to see it become the predominant focus of porn focusing on anal only, and shift the general tone of AO in porn away from mutual enjoyment and positivity to this.

It’s a trend I’d like to see change, and I hope to see more blogs show up that focus on pleasure and enjoyment by women instead.

According to a 2012 study by Indiana University, more people are having anal sex. While the 1990s only saw roughly one-quarter to one-third of men and women having tried anal, by 2009 that percentage had jumped to 40 to 45 percent. But while that may the case, anal sex is still, as Salon reported in 2012 “Science’s Last Taboo.” We know that some people are having it, but it’s not very likely that people are willing to talk about it. Somewhere between the poop rumors and the embarrassment of liking butt stuff, people go mum.

But, as is the case with sex in general, anal shouldn’t be a source of shame. Ever. If you like anal sex, you’re not the first or the last one to do so. Both men and women the world over enjoy anal play because it can be very pleasurable when done correctly. Although that’s a fact and I can find you easily a dozen women in the next 10 minutes who agree, anal sex has yet to really be embraced by the sexual mainstream. It’s on its way there, but it’s still inching along very slowly.

The article then goes on to list six benefits of anal sex and why you should be doing it if you aren’t already.

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If you’ve followed us for a while, you’re probably familiar with our Guide to Anal Sex and the Anal Only Lifestyle, which has been a part of this website for the past year since moving off Tumblr.

It’s always going to be a freely available resource as part of this blog for those who want to learn more about anal sex and the anal only lifestyle, but I’m happy to announce that you can also purchase it in an ebook format through Amazon as well, if that’s how you prefer to do your reading!

It can be a good resource if you’re just getting started, and it can make a good gift for friends who might be interested in anal or going anal only. Either way, it helps support this blog and the greater anal only community.

And, if you’re looking for another way to support the anal only community, consider becoming a Patron!

So you want to try anal sex, but you’re freaked out by the probably inevitable reality of poop. That’s totally understandable, it’s something that can be present during anal sex, and it’s not exactly glamourous. But rest assured that it’s not usually that big of a deal. “A common source of trepidation about anal is that it’s dirty or messy due to the proximity of the anus to fecal matter, but this tends to be an overemphasized concern,” Dulcinea Pitagora, a sex therapist known as the Kink Doctor, previously told Refinery29. In Pitagora’s opinion, the repulsion factor of anal goes beyond the hygiene concerns and taps into our culture’s obsession with hiding body fluids and odors. So what if some ends up on the condom? Sex is messy. It might just be something you have to deal with if you’re interested in anal. But still, the presence of this unwelcome guest happens less often than you’d think.

Continue reading on Refinery29

Much of the content on this blog is oriented to women, or those who receive anal sex. But just as important are those who are giving anal sex to their partners—if they aren’t interested in being anal only or feel they still need vaginal sex, it’s hard to make an anal only lifestyle work very well!

In fact, when asked why they haven’t gone anal only women yet, women interested in the lifestyle often answer that if it were up to them, they would, but that their partners still want to have vaginal sex some of the time. Seems surprising, right? The conventional wisdom is that men all want anal sex and that it’s women who don’t, but the reality often is that many women are more open to anal and even to going anal only, but their male partners are more sexually conservative or just think that they’ll miss something or be limited by excluding vaginal as an option.

The reality is that while everyone is different, most people find that after going anal only for a while, they don’t actually miss pussy much. Anal offers all the pleasure and more, combined with increased aesthetic appeal, stronger intimacy, plenty of opportunities for fun variety, and unique benefits like natural birth control. Unlike vaginal, anal is something that gets more fun the more you do it and done right, never gets boring. Anal only couples often talk about how before they went anal only, sex had gotten boring, but now even decades after going anal only, it still has a strong spark that excites them.

Other common concerns include hygiene and the need for preparation before sex. With some simple dietary adjustments and a basic cleaning routine, the former is fairly well mitigated, and preparation can be kept fairly minimal as well with a frequent anal play and sex routine as well as the use of butt plugs. Most such complaints result from having too little anal sex, not from having it more often.

Give it a try for yourself and find out: go anal only for a month or two and commit fully to the experience while you’re in it: you’ll see before long that giving up vaginal sex and going anal only is well worth the initial effort.