Max & Nata: So, my wife and I are both 32, we’ve been married for 4 years, and about a year ago we have arrived to an unspoken arrangement that I only fist her pussy and I only fuck her ass (don’t know if this counts as anal only lol, but we’re both happy with that). She loves being fisted and says it’s the best thing ever – she also loves anal, and we do about 50/50 between these two (we also do oral, spanking etc., but we almost always finish with either anal or fisting, or both).

I’ve lately been trying to talk to her about anal fisting, as it’s something that is interesting to try – but she only said “maybe later” and was pretty elusive about it in general. I think it’s obvious that she’s a bit scared. She also says she doesn’t love fingers up her ass as much as she loves my dick and toys in there, because fingers don’t go as deep as she wants. She has some toys to use up her ass, and she uses buttplugs when I fist her — we recently bought another one that’s bigger than my penis in width.

The question is – should I be persistent with trying anal fisting, or maybe leave it as it is? Obviously I don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t want, but maybe there are some arguments I’m missing that can help convince her to try? Or maybe it’s I who’s missing something and should be happy with what I have?

Also, other thing with that is that she’s worried about is that if we do a lot of anal fisting, her ass can become stretched out and not as tight as it is now (her pussy being loose was one of the reasons we switched to anal only). To be completely honest, this concerns me a bit as well.

So, if you have any tips or comments, or experience to share about anal fisting, we’d be happy and grateful to hear it (she knows about this post and she will read the answer too). Maybe there’s a way we can work towards it without using fingers too much?

Thanks a lot for your blog and for the answer. Sorry if my English is a bit weird, not my primary language.

First of all, “anal only” means a variety of different things for a lot of different people, but the fundamental element is that you don’t have vaginal intercourse and have fully replaced it with anal. There are those who still use toys or other forms of vaginal penetration but who identify as anal only, so I think if being anal only is something that appeals to you, you can consider your arrangement to fit within that definition. I think there can be some additional benefits to going fully anal only for some people, and generally encourage at least trying that too, but everyone is different and different things work for different people.

As for wanting to try anal fisting, it sounds like she’s expressed some of her concerns already. Are those her only hesitations, or does she have others as well?

Not liking fingering as much as sex is not uncommon, but fisting is different from fingering and provides much more of a stretch and can go deeper as well, so I would encourage her to think of them as different things and not to write off anal fisting just because she doesn’t like fingers on their own as much. It’s an entirely different experience.

Fear of stretching and becoming loose is a common concern that isn’t that rooted in reality. Injury can cause muscles to become weaker, but “stretching” anal muscles is actually exercising them and frequent use can help them become stronger. What people equate with being loose is actually an increased elasticity that allows them to expand larger, but they still stay tight and closed when not in use. There may be short term looseness after for a few hours, but things tend to return to normal quickly. And even the increased elasticity is not something that happens overnight, so it’s something that you can start to explore and see how it progresses for the both of you. Chances are you’ll both find that it does not negatively affect your enjoyment of sex at all. Exercises like kegels can also help to further strengthen and “tighten” anal muscles.

But if she’s also just afraid of trying it, why not sit down and talk about it together and discuss her fears and concerns and whether she’s interested despite being afraid and what you can do to help relieve some of those fears. Remind her of how rewarding vaginal fisting ended up being for her and with the pleasure and intensity of anal how great it could end up being as well.

Good luck to the both of you!

So you want to try anal sex. That’s great! Anal play can be lots of fun — if you’re ready for it. Unlike other types of sex, which most people can fumble their way through when they don’t have much experience, anal sex takes some research. (And, to be clear, it’s always better to think and talk through any new sexual experience before you try it with a partner).

But you can’t just slide into anal sex (unless you’re using plenty of lube…but more on that later). If you don’t know what you’re doing and you aren’t careful, you could hurt yourself or your partner because the anus is sensitive. “Contrary to what many believe, anal sex does not have to be painful (unless people engaging in it want it to be),” says Dulcinea Pitagora, a sex therapist known as the Kink Doctor. So before you give anal a try, read our tips about how to prep, both physically and mentally.

Continue reading on Refinery29

An unfortunately still rather common trope among those inexperienced with anal pleasures is that while it can look sexy and be fun to watch in porn, it isn’t something that women really enjoy and that those who do it in porn are just active and pretending because it’s what guys want to see, and in turn, women mimic that to please guys but don’t really enjoy it for themselves.

This is simply untrue. Sure, there may be some who do this, but the reality is that many women, both in real life and in porn, love anal and can’t get enough of it. Even among those who aren’t anal only, enjoyment of frequent anal is very common and growing.

Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a self-perpetuating issue, because people insist loudly that it’s all an act for porn, resulting in those who do enjoy it for themselves often feeling marginalized and ashamed or afraid to speak up for their own enjoyment, and then as a result, they never correct the myth and it spreads further to other people.

How can we prevent this falsehood from spreading even further? Counter such claims with your own experiences and perspectives! Don’t be afraid to open up and tell people how much you enjoy or even prefer anal, and why. Some people may be dismissive or disbelieving, but most will recognize that you have a valid counter opinion or perspective, and some will be interested in learning more and may even reveal their own curiosity about anal and want tips from you on how to better enjoy it. People, especially women, who open up to their friends, have found a great deal of positive results as their friends end up wanting to try anal for themselves too, and if those friends already enjoy anal, they often end up trying to go anal only on their own as well if the idea is shared with them in a positive manner.

An argument that often comes up when introducing the idea of the anal only lifestyle to someone who has not yet experienced it for themselves is that by excluding vaginal sex, you are in some way limiting yourself sexually and that it’s more open-minded to still include vaginal sex in one’s sexual routine rather than to focus purely on anal and oral.

While on the surface, this may appear to make sense to those who have not yet tried anal only, the reality is quite different. In practice, eliminating vaginal sex in favor of anal only is more of an enhancement to one’s sex life than a restriction, the result of focusing on that which gives the most pleasure, intimacy and excitement and mastering the best acts rather than feeling obligated to do everything.

There’s something magical that happens when going anal only for the long term, which is hard to comprehend until you’ve tried it and experienced it for itself, but which is different than simply having a lot of anal sex. The total exclusion of vaginal sex and the state of mind involved with the conscious decision to fully replace vaginal with anal ends up making sex and pleasure so much more intense and arousing.

Additionally, unlike vaginal sex, anal doesn’t generally get boring or tedious in the same way. Couples who got tired of vaginal quickly found that even a decade into being anal only, they still find it exciting and thrilling. There is so much fun and variety you can do with anal alone and vaginal doesn’t have much special to offer that anal can’t do better.

So if the idea of going anal only interests you but you’re worried it will end up limiting your options, don’t worry. Give it a try for yourself—No Pussy November is coming up and is a great time to experiment with the anal only lifestyle—and you’ll soon see the benefits!

As the anal only community has grown and more people have talked about their experiences, more people—especially men, but also a number of women—have spoken up about the fact that they had a natural attraction to and preference for anal sex over vaginal. In many cases, when growing up, they’ve found themselves attracted to asses and anuses, rather than vaginas and vaginal sex, and in turn have found that this preference carried over to sex as well.

Among those who are still in the depths of ignorance and stigma surrounding anal sex, the idea of men having an aversion to vaginal sex and preferring anal is commonly derided as a sign that he is gay and doesn’t like women, but this is far from the truth—whether heterosexual or bisexual, a preference for anal is just that, and has nothing to do with liking or being attracted to women in general. On top of that, more women are speaking up about having such a preference to anal as well—many discovering that later, but some themselves figuring it out early on in their lives.

All this is a fairly clear sign of the increasingly obvious fact that for some, being anal only comes completely naturally and that anal sexuality and centrism is a normal and natural sexual preference on the level of a sexual orientation. For many others, it’s something discovered later in life, but fits their needs so perfectly once they do try it out.

I am just curious if others prefer anal over vaginal sex..I was diagnosed with having uterine fibroids which cause me to have bad cramps and pain everyday plus I am going through menopause so I have vaginal dryness..When we start foreplay I am fine but not long after I dry up so I much prefer anal cause it seems to feel better plus I can orgasm…I thought about using creams for the dryness but kinds concerned of the affects from the creams…Anyone else experience the same problem and prefer anal?

melvinshelley2019, WeddingBee forums

A majority of the responses from other women are negative towards anal, with some even bringing up the same old myths of health risks from anal, but several women express their own enjoyment of anal or share that they similarly enjoy anal most and find vaginal uncomfortable or painful, or started out anal only.

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This article on Refinery29 goes into detail about how and why anal sex doesn’t result in pregnancy.

Anal sex is a kind of sex, but just like oral sex, it won’t result in pregnancy — no matter what genitals the people involved are working with. While you can transmit STIs during anal sex (and during oral sex, too), pregnancy won’t happen — except in one rare situation. […] Pregnancy doesn’t happen during anal sex because the anus isn’t connected to the vagina or any other reproductive organs. People without vaginas can’t get pregnant — while “m-preg” is a popular fanfiction category, it doesn’t work that way in real life: trans men can get pregnant, but cis men cannot.

It then proceeds to detail the one scenario where pregnancy can result from anal sex:

There is one way in which anal sex could result in pregnancy: if semen enters the vagina after ejaculation. According to Planned Parenthood, “Since your anus isn’t connected to your reproductive organs, anal sex can’t directly cause pregnancy. But it’s still possible for semen to get into the vagina during anal sex — if the guy ejaculates into or near the anus, and the semen leaks from there down onto the vulva. Fingers and hands could make this more likely, too, by moving semen towards the vulva.”

That means that if someone has anal sex and then ejaculates into the anus or somewhere else near the vagina, sperm could theoretically, accidentally, enter the vagina and cause a pregnancy. If someone ejaculates after anal sex, touches the semen, and then fingers their partner, that could theoretically result in a pregnancy, too. But if semen doesn’t enter the vagina, there’s no chance of pregnancy happening.

Fortunately, this is exceedingly rare, but it is possible. So if getting pregnant is not your intent, be sure to clean up afterwards and take care to avoid semen entering the vaginal canal after anal sex.

If getting pregnant is your intent, however, and you want to maintain a completely vaginal penetration-free lifestyle even while doing so, whether just because you want to avoid going back to vaginal intercourse or because you want to maintain vaginal virginity, you can utilize this method to engage in anal sex as normal, ejaculate anally, and then push it back out while spreading the vagina open for it to run down and into. This technique can work and has been used by those in the anal only lifestyle, though it may require repeated attempts to do so.

Continue reading on Refinery29

A Quora user asks this question, which is actually a fairly common thing people interested in the anal only lifestyle and introducing more anal sex into their life in general are concerned about, and which ties into a lot of anal myths and fears.

Well…

I don’t know yet. After having anal sex probably a couple thousand times in the past 20 years, the only effect I’ve noticed so far is that I can more easily allow something to go up my ass.

What about incontinence!?
Nope.

Hemorrhoids?
Nada.

Fissures.
None whatsoever.

Itchiness?
Well, I suppose, but no more than normal.

Pimples?
Now you’re really reaching.

It’s not just me either. I have more than a few friends who like it up the butt. Some, moreso than others. They all report no ill effects whatsoever.

Ernie Dunbar, Quora

If it starts to hurt, stop. If it starts to bleed, stop. Other than that you’re fine

You don’t have anything to worry about as far as fatiguing your butt muscles, since they snap back to their normal tightness within a few minutes after you stop playing, and like all muscles they tone up and get stronger with use.

Bonnie Smith, Quora

These are both great answers that get to the truth of the matter with anal sex. There is no such thing as too much anal sex, in a universal sense. You just need to listen to your body and if you get sore or feel pain, you should take a break. If everything is good, you’re good. The more you gain experience and practice with anal sex and the more your body is conditioned to it, the more you can do without getting sore or fatigued. Some can only do it once every week or two when first starting out, some a few times a week, and some multiple times per day.

Continue reading on Quora

Anonymous: if you really believe anal was the height of pleasure, you would stop touching your dick, and only take it in the ass. almost like its not about pleasure at all and is entirely about you forcing women into ignoring parts of their body literally designed for penetration because of your anal fetish.

No one is forcing anyone to do anything. If you prefer anal, or are curious about why it might be better than vaginal, then this blog is for you. If you are uninterested in anal or in anal exclusivity through the anal only lifestyle, then you’re free to ignore it.

There are some women who sincerely prefer anal over vaginal and so choose to focus on that. This is also true of some men, who prefer receiving anal penetration and focus on that instead of using their penis. All are welcome and encouraged in the anal only lifestyle.

But consent is key, always, and no one should ever be forced to do such things. What I do is share my perspective (and that of others) so that those who have similar interests or are curious about this approach to sexuality are able to have a resource to learn more and interact with others like themselves, or be encouraged to try it for themselves if they haven’t yet already.

Even within the anal only lifestyle, ass to mouth can be an act of some contention. While increasingly popular, there are still those who fear that it will taste bad or see it as something dirty or degrading. And though it can be incorporated into play in that manner if so desired, it’s anything but when done right.

Ass to Mouth is Intimate & Loving

In much the same way as with shifting to primarily or exclusively having anal sex, couples who have incorporated ass to mouth as a regular part of their sexual routine frequently talk about the increase in intimacy that results from it. Because it requires mutual trust between partners, just as anal sex does, and because it shows an openness with one’s body both with oneself and sharing with a partner, it can be a powerful act that brings people closer together.

Ass to Mouth is Sexy

That same openness that leads to an increase in intimacy is sexy and attractive. Both partners can find ass to mouth to be a very sexy act—it’s a delight to switch from anal sex to oral sex without getting out of the moment by “cleaning” first, and just going for it. As before, it’s an acceptance of sex and each other’s bodies and that makes everything sexier and better for everyone. The fact that it’s still somewhat of a taboo can also be exciting for some, and some women find they get off on the idea itself, with a few even orgasming from going ass to mouth.

Ass to Mouth Tastes Good

Despite the misconception that anal sex and ass to mouth always smells or tastes bad, the reality is that a clean anus and rectum will actually taste incredible, if it tastes like anything at all. With proper hygiene, bad tastes or smells just aren’t going to be a factor, with a sort of earthy flavor that’s quite pleasant—and many people find that it can actually be subtly sweet as well. Developing cravings for the taste and wanting it frequently is not at all uncommon. So if you’re wondering what ass to mouth tastes like, stop wondering and give it a try. Chances are you’ll really like it.

Ass to Mouth is Addictive

The more you do it, the more you want it, both for the act and the taste, and women who do it often report developing a compulsion and craving for it, which in turn boosts their arousal and cravings for anal sex as well, leading to good times all around for everyone.

So, start doing ass to mouth if you aren’t already. You won’t know what you’re missing until you try it. And while you’re there, if you haven’t yet done so, try going anal only too!