Grace: My name is Grace, and I’m 27 years old. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year. I have a strong preference for anal sex over vaginal, but he prefers vaginal and only engages in anal to make me happy, as he doesn’t particularly enjoy it himself.

We occasionally watch porn together, and I find myself really attracted to group sex scenes, especially those involving double anal penetration. These scenes make me incredibly aroused, and I often imagine myself in such scenarios. However, he’s not comfortable with these types of scenes.

In private, I’ve experimented with anal toys and really enjoy them. For a longer period now, I have been fantasizing about trying double anal with him using a toy, but also with another man involved. This desire has become something that I feel needs to be part of my life, and I’m struggling to reconcile this with my current relationship dynamics.

I’m unsure how to approach this with my boyfriend, given his preferences and discomfort with certain types of content. I’m starting to feel like this might be a deal-breaker for me, and I’m considering two options: either ending the relationship to find someone more compatible with my desires, or possibly building a secret life where I can explore these fantasies without his knowledge.

I’m torn between honesty and the potential consequences, and the desire to fulfill my needs without hurting him. Could you provide some guidance on how to navigate this situation, or how to communicate these desires with my partner in a way that respects both of our feelings and boundaries?

I’m sorry to hear that your partner doesn’t share your preference for anal. What leads him to prefer vaginal over anal? Does he not get as much physical pleasure from anal, or does he dislike the idea of anal sex? If he doesn’t like anal at all, you may have a hard time convincing him. If he prefers more sensation, though, it’s possible that starting to do double anal with him would be more pleasurable for him.

I encourage honesty and finding compatible partners over dishonesty and cheating, so if you are unsatisfied, you should be very clear with him that you want to be anal only and to start doing double anal, and ask him if he’s willing to try while also working to make it more pleasurable for him. If, for example, he wants more spontaneity that can be harder with anal, making the effort to stay clean and ready for anal at all times through diet, cleaning daily if needed, and wearing a butt plug when not having sex can make that much easier.

If he’s not interested in trying to go anal only or having double anal, you may need to end the relationship and find a partner who will be compatible with you sexually and who obsessively wants anal only with you as well, and wants to stretch your ass with his cock and a dildo, and eventually two cocks. I highly recommend pursuing the anal only lifestyle, double anal, and ultimately going double anal only.

Abby: Hi, I’ve been anal only with my boyfriend for two and a half years now, and it’s been great, we do it every few days if not every day sometimes, and we have been exploring stretching a lot too. We use some bigger toys, which helps make frequent anal easy since my boyfriend is quite large, both girthy and long. We have also incorporated some other guys into our sex life, mostly spitroasting and them running a train on my ass. My boyfriend wants us to start having double anal sex and I would love to as well but I was wondering if you had any advice for how to do it safely given his size.

Thanks for reaching out, it’s so good to hear that you’ve been having a good anal only experience and are now looking to advance things to double anal. I know it can be intimidating if you have a large partner already, but it’s well worth it to start doing double anal or even going to double anal only.

Since you already play with toys regularly, I encourage starting to go to toys larger than your partner when masturbating, and then starting to have sex with him with a smaller dildo alongside his cock. You can work up from there to a dildo similar in size to him or the partners you plan on having double anal sex with, until it’s easy and comfortable to do so regularly. I’d encourage starting out doing this at least once a week, and increasing from there.

Similar to getting started with anal, advancing to DAP is just about gradual progress and going slowly enough at first that things don’t hurt. If you stick with that, you’ll be just fine and you’ll be taking two cocks up your ass in no time! From there, I recommend exploring the idea of going double anal only, even if just sticking with your boyfriend and a dildo every time you have sex at first, and then swapping that dildo for another guy when available.

Good luck, you’re going to love it!

Lea: I’m a 19-year-old female in a relationship for a year. Very early on, I learned that anal was THE thing for my man. I was an anal virgin, he was very patient with me, and I learned to appreciate it. At first it was like once a fortnight, then once every week, then 2 to 3 times a week… For like 6 months, anal became the de facto penetration for us with occasional vaginal intercourse once every fortnight.

Since January, we only do anal, and I try to not even use my clit, but I still haven’t had a single anal orgasm… This is getting frustrating.

We are considering buying a sex machine for me to help me achieve an orgasm. Is that a good strategy or is there a better way to get to that goal?

I’m very glad to hear that anal quickly became your norm and that you’ve been anal only so far this year. It’s well worth the commitment, clit denial doubly so, even though it can be frustrating at first as you learn to adjust.

Anal orgasms can be tricky because everyone orgasms a bit differently, and so what works for one person may not for others. For some people, the best approach is to simply stop vaginal/clitoral stimulation altogether and learn to adapt to anal stimulation. This can take multiple months but can work.

For others, what tends to work best is to stop vaginal penetration but still include some clitoral stimulation alongside the anal penetration, almost edging with your clit but then trying to get over the edge with the anal penetration. This further associates anal penetration with pleasure and orgasm and then gradually you can use your clit less and less as your ass takes up more and more of the role of orgasm trigger.

I encourage continuing with anal only and exploring ways to achieve anal orgasm, and if you find that you need to just use your clit occasionally at first to orgasm during anal rather than giving up anal only altogether, that is a better compromise than giving up anal only and going back to vaginal penetration.

A machine may help, but with practice and patience you should be able to get to anal orgasm with your boyfriend without needing a machine.

Zack: I have a serious question. You said in your blog that there’s a lot of advantages of women keeping their virginity by never having vaginal sex. However, would you recommend to women to never have vaginal sex until the day they die? Or should they loose their vaginal virginity someday? Also are there any advantages to staying a virgin from a woman’s perspective? Thanks

Advantages to remaining a vaginal virgin for life include:

• The pride in being purely anal only and never even once wasting time on vaginal sex, which can be appealing both for women and for their male partners.
• The focused pleasure and arousal through only ever experiencing anal penetration without the distraction of vaginal stimulation. Those who commit to pure anal only often experience much more pleasure from it long-term.
• Ensuring consistent birth control and avoiding unwanted pregnancy by never having vaginal sex. When and if children are wanted, women can get pregnant by their partner ejaculating into their rectum and then pushing out the semen while holding open the vagina. While this can take longer to achieve the same goal, it is possible and does work. Alternatively, the partner can pull out and press against the vagina without penetrating to ejaculate inside.

Ultimately it’s up to each person what they want to achieve, but generally if someone commits to the anal only lifestyle before doing vaginal, it’s rare that they want to try vaginal. If they do, it tends to just push them back to pure anal, so why waste the time and lose the beauty of pure vaginal virginity?

Monique: Recently I’ve been exploring my sexuality and I’ve discovered that I’m highly interested in anal stimulation. I know this might sound surprising, considering I’ve never had any kind of sexual intercourse, vaginal or anal, and I’ve only engaged in self-pleasure through anal stimulation with my fingers and toys never with another person.

My curiosity about anal arose when some of my female friends discussed having anal sex with their boyfriends as a way to remain virgins and avoid unwanted pregnancies. I was secretly fascinated by the idea, but more importantly, I discovered that when I explored myself, I genuinely enjoyed and preferred anal stimulation to vaginal. It’s a sensation that feels uniquely satisfying to me and since then I’ve abandoned any vaginal play.

I’m writing to ask if I might be part of the “Anal Only” community, even though I’ve never had any anal intercourse with another person. I hope you can help me make sense of my own desires and preferences. Am I part of this community, or is there a more appropriate term or category that fits my situation?

You absolutely are anal only! You haven’t had sex, but you choose to focus all your sexual stimulation/masturbation on anal only and that certainly counts. Consider yourself a proud member of the community and lifestyle.

I hope that when/if you choose to have sex with a partner in the future, you continue your anal only commitment.

AnalOnlyMom: When my daughter first shared her decision to engage the Anal Only lifestyle while choosing to remain a vaginal virgin, my initial reaction was a mix of concern and curiosity. As a mother, my instinct is always to protect and guide, but I’ve learned that supporting her means respecting her autonomy and choices, even if they are different from what I might have expected or chosen for myself. She’s an adult now, and I admire her confidence in making a choice that aligns with her personal values and desires.

As I listened to her explain her decision, I couldn’t help but reflect on my own experiences and choices. I realized that her decision had sparked a curiosity in me—one I hadn’t anticipated. I found myself wondering about the motivations behind her choice and the experiences she might be having. It wasn’t just about the specifics of her sexual activities but also about the underlying reasons and feelings she had.

Her choice led me to think about my own perceptions and experiences with sexuality. I started to explore the idea of what it would mean for me to consider something similar. Not that I’m planning to make any drastic changes in my life, but her choice made me more introspective about my own desires and boundaries. It’s fascinating how learning about someone else’s journey can prompt a deeper exploration of our own.

Supporting my daughter has also opened up a space for us to have more honest and open conversations about sex and intimacy. We talk about her experiences and the reasons behind her choices, and through these conversations, I’ve come to appreciate her decision even more. It’s helped me realize that being open to new ideas and perspectives, even those that challenge my own, can lead to a greater understanding of both my daughter and myself.

Thanks for sharing! I think it’s great that you were able to reflect and get inspired to consider anal only in your own life based on her decision and explanation. You say you aren’t planning to make drastic changes but also that you’re considering AO for yourself. I highly encourage embracing anal only and making the transition as soon as you can—at least to try it at first, before committing long term if you enjoy it! Is there anything holding you back?

Tim: I am a 30 something man and I have met a woman in her 70s, we have been enjoying each others company a lot and I asked her if she would like to make love. She said yes and was very forward about how she prefers to primarily have anal sex, she is the first woman I’ve ever encountered like this.

All the advice I have read online about anal sex is targeted towards much younger women, what considerations are there for having anal sex with a woman her age?

Congratulations on meeting an anal only woman who is very clear and up front about her preference and intention. Generally the same advice will apply, but since she knows what she likes and wants and prefers, I would also encourage checking with her about what she needs from you to ensure her enjoyment and safety. If she actively engages in anal sex, she probably has a good ability to relax her anus for you.

Jasmine: As a young Muslim woman from Pakistan, I grew up with the strict expectation of remaining a virgin until entering into an arranged marriage. The values instilled in me by my family and community placed a significant emphasis on maintaining my virginity as a symbol of purity and honor. However, my life took an unexpected turn when I emigrated to a western country on a student visa to study medicine. It was in this new environment, surrounded by different cultures and perspectives, that I met my roommate’s brother, who is non-Muslim. Our connection was immediate and deep, challenging many of the traditions and expectations I had grown up with. Within a few months of knowing each other we’d fallen in love.

Our first sexual experience was a significant and transformative moment for me. After much thought and consideration, I requested that we engage in anal sex to preserve my vaginal virginity, which is of supreme importance to me due to my cultural and religious beliefs. Despite my nervousness, I was also filled with excitement and curiosity. He was incredibly understanding and patient, taking exceptional care to ensure my comfort and pleasure throughout the experience. He approached our intimacy with tenderness and respect, making me feel safe and cherished. This careful and loving approach allowed me to fully embrace our relationship, marking the beginning of a profound and intimate connection.

For the past four years, he and I have maintained a secret but highly pleasurable anal-only relationship. This unique aspect of our intimacy has allowed us to explore and express our love in ways that honor my commitment to preserving my virginity. Together, we chose several intimate chastity piercings as a symbol of our commitment and a way to ensure my virginity remained intact. These piercings represent not only our love but also our shared understanding and respect for my cultural and personal boundaries. Over time, we have ventured into various other sexual activities, such as ass to mouth, golden showers, and the regular daily wearing of a butt plug. Each of these experiences has been deeply fulfilling, enhancing our bond and strengthening our intimacy in ways I had never imagined possible.

Throughout our relationship, I have come to realize that I never want to have vaginal sex, a sentiment that he shares. Our mutual respect for each other’s desires and boundaries has created a deeply fulfilling and loving partnership. His unwavering support and understanding have made me feel valued and respected, reinforcing my decision to preserve my virginity while still experiencing profound intimacy. As I near the completion of my studies, my hope is to stay here and marry him, embracing our unique love story and the deep connection we share. Our relationship has not only defied cultural norms but has also strengthened my sense of self and my ability to navigate the complexities of love and tradition.

I will always be proud to be an Anal Only vaginal virgin.

So wonderful to hear that you were able to find a partner who supported your desire to preserve your vaginal virginity and focus on anal only, and has celebrates your commitment with piercings and more! It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship and sex life and I wholeheartedly support your decision to never have vaginal sex and stay an anal only vaginal virgin for life!

How do you handle clitoral stimulation along with your anal only life? Is it something you include or do you keep it off limits as well?

Do you see yourself adopting any additional activities beyond ass to mouth, piss play and butt plugging as you continue to progress in your anal only lifestyle?

Linda: I’ve been Anal Only for seven years now and Double Anal Only for just over one year, with occasional triple anal.

I’ve been an advocate for the AO lifestyle and successfully encouraged many other women and girls to become Anal Only and beyond.

One of my close friends, who is on her own AO journey, has a daughter who has asked me a lot about anal sex and being Anal Only as a woman. She’s still a virgin in every sense and is aware of the special status of vaginal virgins in our lifestyle and community.

One of the questions she has asked me, that I didn’t have an answer for, is it possible to perform artificial insemination on a vaginal virgin so they can get pregnant without vaginal penetration?

Good to hear from you again! It’s great that you’re still double anal only and advocating anal only (and hopefully double anal only!) to others, as well as helping to preserve vaginal virginity as much as possible!

It certainly is possible to achieve pregnancy without vaginal penetration, and there are a few options, ranging from full on IVF, pulling out and holding the penis at the entrance of the vagina to ejaculate inside, ejaculating into the rectum and holding the vagina open while pushing out the ejaculate, using something like a turkey baster to transfer ejaculate from the rectum to the vagina, etc. More information can be found on our Guide to Anal Only Pregnancy.

Hope to hear more from you soon!

Anal Slut: I’ve been reading your blog for many years, often while rubbing my clit. I’m in my late 20’s now but since I was younger I always loved anal and originally only had anal sex in lieu of vaginal for birth control reasons (long before I knew there was a community here).

It is now many years later and my girlfriend and I are experimenting with more and more anal (for both of us), previously we have always used clit stimulation and she loves making sure I orgasm which I obviously appreciate. However I have recently gotten obsessed again with anal and have started excluding all clitoral stimulation along with all vaginal other than cleaning.

I love the feeling of being so horny and I feel it is helping me feel arousal in my ass more than my pussy. I’m horny all the time compared to previously also. I love being a needy anal slut and I feel like my ass was made to be filled. I have fantasies of buttplug training until I have my ass filled 20+ hours a day. It is addictive and I cannot get enough.

I guess I just wanted to endorse clit denial for anyone who knows they really like anal but goes through phases, I think clit orgasms were killing my arousal like for literal weeks so I was never getting to the really good part of anal where your ass is trained and ready to go.

However I didn’t plan to do this long term, literally I thought I’d hate ignoring my clit and want to stop so I decided to see how long I could go after reading something in the archives here, but I expected it to be a few days max.

I’m worried what my girlfriend will think about my decision to continue this, even though I know I will have proper anal orgasms again – I have before many times- but always mixed somewhat with clit, either to be foreplay for anal penetration, edging me a bit so I can cum with something in my ass or getting my pussy eaten while getting my ass fingered.

Open to suggestions on sticking with clit denial long term, I love it but I have also woken up during the night rubbing my clit and I want to stop doing that.

Also open to suggestions on depraved anal toys, I’m very interested in larger girth toys as I am in lesbian relationship, I’m not worried about not being tight or anything. I have finally decided to upgrade from the jeweled butt plugs and have ordered silicone oval base ones and I’m hoping to start plugging overnight again.

Lastly just wanna say, I love this blog, please keep posting here!

Glad to hear that you’re embracing not only anal only but clit denial as well, and I highly encourage sticking with it for the same reasons that you’re discovering! Clit stimulation can be useful for transitioning to anal only, or for those who wouldn’t stay anal only otherwise, but for everyone else I completely encourage avoiding it entirely and focusing on anal pleasure.

I doubt your girlfriend will be bothered and will likely find it very enjoyable as well if clit denial is what you prefer and enjoy and just want anal orgasms from now on. As she gets on board with it, that will also help you to stick with it, especially if you ask her to help you stay focused on clit denial.

Numbing gels, tape, and other mild forms of chastity can help with avoiding it as you further adjust to long term clit denial! For more information and suggestions on sticking with clit denial, check out the page on our Guide about Clit Denial.