Hi, I’m the wife who wrote the lengthy message. It never occurred to me that I may be submissive, it explains a lot. It’s true that I have traditional views on marriage: when I got pregnant and my husband promoted into a higher paid job, I quit my own job to take care of my son/the house/my husband, and honestly, I’m planning to stay a housewife for a while. I feel at my place. Come to think of it, my husband started to be more assertive in bed and focus more on anal after I quit.

Since now he’s the one bringing the money and handling work, I do think I have to be there for him to relax when he gets home – it was a major reason why I never protested or questioned his shift to anal sex, even when it got to anal only. Honestly, I’ve never seen him happier, and I do sort of feel like it’s my responsibility he stays that way. From what you say, you think I should try to stop fantasizing about my vagina and clitoris? What about my masturbation sessions?

Even though I now strictly masturbate anally with no clit/pussy stimulation, I feel like I’m doing something wrong like I’m cheating on him, but I really like it, especially after an enema. I could never tell him about my clit/pussy frustration though, it’s like I’d question/spoil all the sex we’ve had these past months, but I’d like to confess about masturbating and start a conversation about sex, but without him feeling I disapprove or anything.

I’m thinking about acting like I forgot the time while masturbating and he gets home and catch me like this. It should please him, I could confess (never about masturbating my vag/clit though, I feel ashamed of it now), and it could start a conversation? What do you think? Thank you for helping me. It feels great when you say this is all normal.

I agree, it does sound as though you have some sexually submissive tendencies, which are very normal and natural for many women, and satisfying those tendencies and urges by being submissive to your partner can help to make you feel satisfied and happy as well. Ultimately, you should only do this if it’s also what you want, though. Some women are anal only because they prefer anal and enjoy how it feels more than vaginal or because they get a thrill out of denying themselves vaginal sex and focusing exclusively on anal pleasure. Other women do it because it’s what their partner wants and they get pleasure and satisfaction out of pleasing their partner more than from the specific physical acts of sex. Both situations, or a hybrid of each, are fine, as long as you’re okay and happy with the arrangement too.

If further adopting and embracing the anal only lifestyle is what you want to pursue, then yes, I would encourage you to stop fantasizing about clit and pussy stimulation and work to develop your natural anal urges instead, focusing and fantasizing about it as well during sex and masturbation. I encourage anal only masturbation sessions, myself, and I certainly don’t see them as any sort of cheating on your partner, unless you’ve agreed with each other that you will not masturbate. Has your husband shown any indication in the past of not wanting you to masturbate? More reasons to communicate with each other: you’ll both know where you stand on such topics. If there is concern about it being some sort of cheating, you can frame your masturbation as so loving his cock in your ass that you sometimes need to use a toy as a surrogate until you can get the real thing from him again.

I definitely do encourage starting to talk about things with him if you want to discuss anything or explore further together. You can start simple: just tell him how much you love that you’ve only been having anal sex and that you want to stay that way. With time you might even be able to talk about still having some vaginal and clitoral urges, but being sure to frame the conversation with the reassurance that you enjoy having those urges and denying them and don’t want to go back to using your pussy and clit, but that it’s a turn on to have them denied. I’m putting words into your mouth a bit here, and you should express yourself honestly instead, but am just trying to give a bit of an example of how you can talk about these things with him without framing it negatively or making him feel bad about something you seem to be enjoying a lot.

The anal only community is growing all the time. More and more people are embracing it, or coming out and talking about the fact they’ve been anal only for quite some time already. The reality is that many men and women significantly prefer anal, or enjoy the many benefits of vaginal and clitoral denial and exclusively having anal and oral sex. We aren’t a majority yet by any means, but there are many of us out there, and it continues to be further normalized. If you are happy with and enjoy your anal only arrangement with your husband, there’s no reason to feel bad or doubt yourself over it.

Feel free to continue communicating here if you wish, and you may also want to check out the Anal Only Lifestyle Forums where you can communicate with many other members of the community.

Hi. I’m confused lately and I thought you may provide some useful feedback. I’m married and my husband and I got our first child six months ago, and ever since that time, my husband paid less and less attention to my pussy and clit, and more and more to my asshole. We’ve always had occasional anal, especially when I was on my period, but it went from something we did from time to time to something that happened systematically, to vaginal penetration being mere foreplay, to him ignoring my pussy and clit altogether and replacing them both with my asshole, both orally and for penetration. Before, he also always made sure I had an orgasm each time, and this stopped, too.

I enjoy anal, but I started to feel very frustrated, and I didn’t dare to talk to him about it. The change happened so gradually I feel I sort of gave my consent to it. So, I started masturbating both my pussy and clit when my husband wasn’t around, until something happened. I had an “accident” during anal penetration and I started doing enemas regularly to prevent that embarrassment from ever happening again. But then, my perception of anal started to change, and one month ago, as I was about to masturbate as usual, I started to feel horribly guilty, like I’ve been cheating on my husband all this time, and instead of masturbating my pussy and clit, I masturbated anally.

The sensation was great, and I stopped touching my pussy or clit. This had some effect in bed, I started to behave more… enthusiastically, and my husband loved it. We did our first ass to mouth two weeks ago, and since then it’s become a routine thing, and my sex life improved. But what’s weird is that I still masturbate when he’s not around (anally), and when I do it, I fantasize about him licking and fucking my pussy and clit, which makes me really hot.

It’s like I’m still frustrated, but my frustration makes me want to do anal sex even more. When I masturbate like this, I can get real rough with my ass, even though I never had an anal orgasm (I don’t have a clue about what it’s supposed to be), and I haven’t had a regular orgasm for at least four months now, which both frustrates and satisfies me. I’m really, really confused, and I feel like I’d break something if I talked to my husband about it. What’s happening to me? Thanks.

It sounds as though your husband very much prefers anal sex, and now that you have had a child, he is no longer interested in vaginal sex. This is a normal reaction for someone who prefers anal sex and views vaginal as more of a procreative act rather than recreative.

As for yourself, it sounds as though you have some submissive tendencies and are turned on and get pleasure from your husband’s pleasure and desires, as well as being turned on by denial and frustration. That’s quite common among women, anal only or otherwise. In your case it is manifesting as anal only because that is what your husband initiated and prefers, it sounds like.

Stick with it, embrace it, and become even more devoted to the anal only lifestyle. Work to change your fantasies to be anal only as well. You’ll love it even more, and so will he.

But also don’t feel afraid to talk to your husband. Communicate with him. Be open and honest, but also make it clear that you love the way you’ve become even if it confuses you.

Anonymous: What’s your stance on female orgasms and orgasm denial? With my girlfriend (who should be my future wife), it took some time and work, but we’ve successfully moved from occasional anal to anal only, then to clitoral denial. Now, we’re thinking about another step by denying her orgasms, meaning she’ll have them when she has them, but we would have (anal) sex without trying to get her there. So far it works pretty well, she’s always hot and our intercourses are shorter but more frequent and rough.

If it works well for the both of you, then it’s certainly worth exploring or adopting. It can be fun, sometimes short term, sometimes long term, and it can have its advantages for some people—as you’ve noticed, she’ll have increased arousal and be more eager for sex more often, because she won’t have the arousal crash of an orgasm. It isn’t necessarily for everyone, but people who enjoy denial will likely enjoy at least trying it for a while.

If someone needs orgasms, though, and is able to orgasm from anal only, I think that is an excellent arrangement as well—anal orgasms don’t have nearly as many of the negative side effects of clit orgasms for most people. They don’t generally have as much of an effect on lowering arousal, for one.

So, in short, experiment with orgasm denial for a while. See how both of you feel about it after a few months. If you’re still enjoying it, stick with it.

Anonymous: Please don’t be intimidated by political correctness and keep on managing your blog exactly how you want it! I’ve always been into anal, but it’s my husband who gradually brought me to anal only, then clitoral denial, then helped me enjoy sex independently from orgasms. We have a power exchange thing going on, he can be quite verbal, and like you, he loves telling me how my cunt and clitoris are useless, how anal is the superior thing, etc. and I love it! We both love your blog as it is!

Thank you—I intend to.

I’m glad to hear that you’re both happily enjoying the anal only lifestyle, and that you enjoy the blog.

starfisk: After four days of denial, I’m definitely feeling it. I’m used to cumming at least once a day, so even a couple of days sucks, but at this point I really start to feel it – my pussy is almost constantly wet, and even when I just pump my nipples for a few minutes, my pussy gets completely flooded.

In the evenings, I’m almost always either fucking or plugging my ass and it feels absolutely amazing. I’m shocked at how easy it is to give up my clit and pussy. I’ve read about it before, other girls on tumblr who’ve got anal-only and love it, but I never thought it could really feel this natural and perfect and still make me so extremely and desperately horny, probably more so than touching my clit/pussy ever did.

I’ve been progressively increasing the size of the toys I fuck myself with but I think I went too big the other night and it was way too hard to keep it inside me all night long as I’ve been trying to do. So tonight I’m looking forward to taking a small step backwards and properly training my slutty little asshole to take whatever I want to throw at it ?

starfisk: This year for lent I’m deciding to give up orgasms. I’m not religious and not doing this for religious reasons, I just enjoy an excuse to deny my slutty pussy and I like the idea of giving something up with a clear timeline in mind alongside many other people.

For anyone who doesn’t know, lent starts today on Ash Wednesday and goes until Easter. People say there are 40 days of lent because they’re not counting Sundays, when people wouldn’t fast and would pay penance in other ways. But since I’m giving up orgasms for the entirety of lent, I’m counting every day in my countdowns.

For this challenge, I want to go anal only. It’s something I’ve been interested in trying anyway, and this seems like the perfect time to do it. I’m going to deny my clit and pussy any pleasure and only touch, plug and fuck my ass. I’ve got my ass plugged up right now as I’m writing this and it’s already making me wet, my pussy just starting to soak my panties…I absolutely love thinking about how desperate and mindlessly horny I’m going to be at the end of this.

I’d like to occasionally chronicle my journey through this long denial challenge and share with you my progress into the depths of the true and deep sluttiness you can achieve only by denying yourself pleasure and focusing on that of others ??

In recent times, I have on these blogs, and other people on other blogs have as well, been making more of a focus on clitoral denial in conjunction with anal only and the advantages and increased pleasure that can stem from it. While I stand by that, and encourage people to explore it alongside anal only, if it doesn’t interest you or you need or simply like clitoral stimulation along with your anal sex—that doesn’t make you any less anal only, and I certainly don’t want to make anyone feel like they aren’t “truly” anal only unless they give up their clit.

I’m going to keep sharing what I like and what I think works well, including the things I prefer and fantasize about—especially in porn captions—and not everything will necessarily always appeal or apply to every follower, but that doesn’t mean that my way is the only way. I may not always effectively differentiate between my fantasy voice and my real, sincere voice, but do know that wherever my fantasy voice my head down different and sometimes somewhat extreme paths, my real position is always this:

Do what you want and what works for you. Do it because you love it and because it’s thrilling and fun. Try new things with it, but don’t feel like there’s only one way to be anal only just because other people may be doing things differently. Experiment with new things, but if they aren’t working for you or aren’t fun in some way, don’t feel obligated to continue them. And don’t feel obligated to be anal only if you aren’t enjoying it anymore, either. Sex is supposed to be consensual and fun, and anal only should be no different.

NPNWife: Been awhile since I checked in! We decided to continue going anal only for the rest of 2016. And after having a couple really deep, intense conversations about it, we decided to make our New Years Resolution to be 100% anal only—no vaginal anything, no clit touching, no orgasms for me unless I can have them anally—for all of 2017. My husband was in my ass when the ball dropped and he’s been in me 3 times since. It feels liberating giving up my pussy/clit for him this way.

Congratulations, sounds like an excellent choice for the both of you. A few months ago when you were just going to do anal for the first time as your anniversary gift to your husband, could you have imagined that this is where you’d be now?

denial-lover: I’ve been such a terrible denial slut since my Master left. I’ve been cumming daily and I don’t like it. So I’m going to make a challenge:

For every note this gets it will be one day without an orgasm. If you think I should be anal only with no touching my clit at all please send me a private message. For every message I get about this post it will be no touching for one day. You can send me a message once a day if you want. I’ll keep track of it daily and update the totals.

Thanks everybody!

denial-lover: I’ve decided that if I get 180 days of denial from this post and complete those 180 days then I proved that I don’t need to cum and I will not cum anymore. Thanks to everyone who has been helping me. I’ve needed the motivation.

slutprogrammer: I gotta say….I don’t get the denial thing. Anal sex is for having *bigger* orgasms.

For many people, yes, that’s the case. But some people don’t like orgasms—that is, they may enjoy the short term pleasure of them, but find the long term pleasure and glow of a constantly aroused state to be more enjoyable and to work better for them than the crash and low feeling that can follow an orgasm. Not everyone is that way, but some people are better off not orgasming and get pleasure in different ways instead. Neither approach is universally right or wrong, and people should do what works for them. Some also find that anal orgasms can replace vaginal/clitoral orgasms as a source of great pleasure without as much of the arousal dampening effects.

NPNWife: So half the month is over and we’re still going strong! He’s been fucking my ass every morning when we wake up and then at some other point(s) during the day. We haven’t missed a day so far. I’m sore, but fuck is it worth it. I still have not touched my pussy/clit at all, and struggle not to accidentally cum when I’m showering.

We do ATM nearly every time, and 100% of the time when we’re in public. He especially loves it when his cock is dirty, and, oddly, so do I. Makes me feel like such a dirty slut for him. He loves making me walk around after having just licked his dirty cock clean and not allowing me to clean out my mouth. It’s so filthy, and such a turn on. I had no idea I would like this so much. I keep waiting for someone to notice my tongue is dirty, or my breath, and that anticipation of humiliation gets me so fucking wet that I just want to do it all over again.

He’s noticed how much more submissive I’ve been acting this month and has told me that he doesn’t want that to end. Neither do I. We’ve both been looking at all of the anal only and vaginal/clit/orgasm denial tumblrs together and have been really enjoying them and considering where we go from here. He’s finally stopped trying to touch my pussy and now really gets off telling me how much he loves ignoring it, how my pussy is worthless to him. This morning he was fucking me before work and told me that if he ever wants pussy again, he’ll get it from someone else, because mine was done, and I almost came just from him saying that, with his cock in my ass. I wasn’t sure if mentally I was ready for that yet, but fuck it was hot!

Now I’m sitting here, running the entire thing through my mind again and feeling my pussy ache for attention. On the one hand, I can’t wait until the end of the month. On the other, I almost don’t want to break the streak … to see how long we can actually go. Either way, I’ll keep you updated!

I’m glad to hear everything is still going so well for the two of you and that he’s gotten as into it as you are—or maybe even more so, especially if he’s ready to stop using your pussy for good and go fully anal only. As for your own excitement and reservations about what to do after November is over, I will say that it’s a common outcome for people who try No Pussy November, or a month of anal only in general, to want to keep going when the month is over and not break the streak, as you said. I think you should keep going and just stick with it and see how it goes. You don’t have to commit to anything specific, necessarily, just stay anal only and make it the norm, and see what happens.