Hi, it’s again the girl from before – your answer made me think a lot, and actually changed my mind. At first, my boyfriend being OK with me trying vaginal sex with another man was an offer I was tempted to take (even if I didn’t know how to handle it), but after reading your answer again and again and pondering, I realized you’re right: where’s the hurry? I’m very young, still at my first sexual experience, there’s no reason for me to multiply partners or do everything at once.

For now, I’m with someone I love and I really get along with (and whom I desired for a long time), he’s been amazing in making me discover sex, and I’m really satisfied. You’re right that him taking me anally for my first time (especially since he didn’t warn me before) and ignoring my pussy and clit since made me think I was not “really” a woman yet and that vaginal was something I was yet “to do”, but now I realize it’s sort of silly to think that way. Now that I do anal sex regularly and that I think about it spontaneously when I think of sex, that stigma is going away. It’s especially true since I followed my boyfriend’s advice and I don’t masturbate with my pussy or clit when I’m by myself any more, just anally (we don’t see each others as frequently as I’d like, we don’t live with each other yet). Looking back, the idea of “cheating” on my boyfriend just for a matter of which hole is penetrated seems sort of selfish, and I’m a little ashamed of having considered it.

I also understand what you mean about “reversing”. When we argued, my boyfriend said: “if we were doing vaginal, you wouldn’t harass me to do anal, wouldn’t you?” and of course he’s right. I feel like treating vaginal sex and clitoral stimulation as weird and taboo and talking down about it, while anal is treated as natural/normal/obvious makes my boyfriend really hot, and, I guess, makes you hot too? I admit that now that I understand him better, I find it sort of hot too.

Reading more about other messages on your blogs, I also realized I was in a situation that made me very special in the eyes of my boyfriend. When I asked him if being a vaginal virgin turned him on, he told me that obviously it was fantastic for him, especially since he was the only partner I ever had, and it made him at least “50% harder” when he fucked me! I now feel special, naughty and pure at the same time, and I’m starting to like it. I’m so proud to be his girlfriend. Thank you!

That’s great to hear! It’s good that you were able to come to terms with the idea and realize that having vaginal sex or using your pussy and clit sexually isn’t what makes you a woman, and that you can be just as “womanly” in an anal only relationship. There are women out there who have never had vaginal sex their entire lives, and they certainly aren’t any less of a woman for it.

It’s also good to hear that you’re starting to see the appeal yourself, and that it’s turning you on as well to think about it. That’s how it should be—fun and appealing to the both of you. If it wasn’t, if it was just one-sided, the I would be more inclined to suggest that it may not be the best option for you, but since you are very much enjoying it physically and are now enjoying it mentally/emotionally as well, by all means stick with it. If it stops being fun, you’re always free to reconsider, of course!

It sounds like you’re both in for a great time now that you’ve gotten through this and worked it out. Do feel free to continue updating if you have anything more to share or ask!

I’m confused and I have some more questions, so I’m contacting you again, as you offered. I followed your advice, I accepted that my boyfriend was into anal sex only, and I stopped bugging him about vaginal sex. I do enjoy sex with him more and more, I now can take his whole length without too much preparation, and he doesn’t have to move as slowly and cautiously as he used to.

He also gifted me an easy to use, small anal douche that I can carry around in my bag everywhere and hide into my bedroom (I live at my mother’s place). I use it as he advised me to, and thanks to that I’m much more comfortable with the idea of anal sex because I always feel clean now, even if having rather frequent enemas felt very weird at first.

I admit I’m feeling less and less the urge to have “normal” sex and I’m not even sure what I’d call “normal” sex any more, but that’s physically. Psychologically, the fact I’ve never been penetrated vaginally is starting to weigh on me more and more, especially now that our relationship is getting really serious. So after two weeks of avoiding the subject altogether, we finally had an argument about it: I told him I needed to know what vaginal was like and reproached him for never even taking care of my clitoris, and not only that, but when I touch it myself during sex, he always gently takes my hands off it, telling me I’ll enjoy sex more if I instead learn to focus on him and what he’s doing to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he’s a very good lover, his advice was always good and I always followed it (he’s much more experienced) and it’s true not touching myself brings me more pleasure, and he does worship and bring joy to every inch of my body… except for my “cunt” and “nub”, as he says on the rare occasions he talks about them.

Then, he basically replied that he couldn’t change his sexuality, that he thought my real problem was I wanted desperately to conform to what I perceived as the majority since I admitted I wasn’t physically frustrated, and that he respected that I wanted vaginal and clitoral experience, but I’d have to take a lover for that. I pressed him on this, and he did say he was OK with me taking a lover so I can have more experience and decide if I’m OK with what he has to offer or not.

So now I don’t know what to do. I love him but I want more experience, but I don’t want to cheat on him, and everybody in town and college knows we’re dating each other, so if I’m looking for a lover, I’ll get the reputation of a slut. But I don’t want to break up with him. I even wondered if I should talk to his ex girlfriends for advice, since he probably fucked them in the ass too, but it’s silly. Help.

It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend has any desire to have vaginal sex, ever. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you want to try it, you’ll have to decide what’s more important to you—your relationship with him and staying anal only, or doing vaginal with someone else. I can’t really offer a suggestion as for him offering that you can try vaginal with a different partner, that’s something you’ll need to work out with yourself and him and decide whether you want to go outside of your relationship to try vaginal sex.

I will say, however, that you don’t need to try everything all at once. You’re enjoying anal sex with him, having more pleasure with less vaginal/clitoral stimulation. You may also try changing your mindset a little bit with regards to your vaginal virginity. Am I correct in interpreting that part of the challenge for you is thinking of yourself as still a virgin in some sort of stigmatized manner because you haven’t had vaginal sex, and wanting to be rid of that? In contrast to that sort of “traditional” thinking, a lot of anal only people have flipped that concept around and instead value vaginal virginity and vaginal abandonment as a very positive and appealing and attractive thing, not out of old ways of thinking that favor a woman’s “purity” before marriage or anything like that, but just because it’s hot to reverse vaginal and anal so completely that a woman chooses to be so fully anal only that she hasn’t ever bothered with vaginal. If you can see and understand that somewhat and try thinking about it from that perspective, it may help you avoid your frustrations about it.

Also recognize that not having vaginal sex now doesn’t mean you can’t ever try it in the future. If you commit all in to anal only now, you can still change your mind at any point if you find that it isn’t actually satisfying to you or that you do in fact want to try vaginal sex. As I said before, ultimately it’s up to you, and while you can’t dictate what your partner wants to do (just as he can’t dictate your desires to you), you always have the ability to change what you want to do at any point in life.

To reiterate, from my biased-in-favor-of-the-anal-only-lifestyle perspective, it sounds like you’re enjoying being anal only with him, you just don’t want to commit permanently to it right now. Instead of worrying about that, just enjoy things as they are and see where they take you. Stay anal only, learn everything you can about pure anal pleasure and avoid developing a dependency on your clit, and if down the road you feel a strong need to try vaginal, then reconsider. Give anal only a chance for a few months or more at least, would be my suggestion. If the need to do vaginal persists or gets stronger and you find yourself resenting being anal only, then continuing along that path is probably not appropriate for you at this time. If any vaginal urges and thoughts instead fade away, then stick with being anal only. That’s just my perspective, which as I noted, is very biased in favor of being and staying anal only.

I’d suggest talking with some other anal only women and men as well, and getting other people’s perspectives. Try joining the Anal Only Lifestyle forum as well as our new Anal Only chat on Discord. There are other anal only vaginal virgin women on both sometimes, as well as just a number of anal only people with varying amounts of vaginal experience. Share your experiences and concerns and get feedback from them too.

Hello. I had my first sexual experience very recently, with an older boy I have a huge crush on (smart, funny, sexy, incredibly good-looking)… it started great, but after foreplay, he put me on my stomach, spread my legs, and started licking my ass hole.

It wasn’t unpleasant, so I didn’t say anything, and after that, he started fingering me, then he finally shoved his cock into my ass. He was very slow and gentle and it didn’t hurt, so even though it felt really weird, I didn’t protest, but the next few times we had sex, he still focused on my ass and ignored my actual sexual organs. It was feeling better each time and I could take his cock better and better, but I finally asked him why he didn’t have sex the regular way.

He acted very surprised, arguing that a woman’s ass was also a “sexual organ”, that anal sex was as “regular” as vaginal penetration, and that in his experience anal was just better, and the only way he wanted non-reproductive sex. He did talk about your blog (I think it’s this one), saying people in general were now naturally having anal sex to avoid contraception, and because it just felt better and made more sense.

I read your blog a bit, and most of it is a fantasy, right? Anal isn’t actually as standard and “normal” as you’re suggesting in some posts and as he’s saying?

The concept of anal only and the anal only lifestyle, however, is not a fantasy for many people, myself included, it’s our actual preference and how we choose to have sex. Is it a majority of people? No, but a growing number of people are choosing to be anal only. You can check out and join the full community if interested at the Anal Only Lifestyle forum and chat.

I will agree with him that a woman’s ass is just as much of a sex organ as her vagina, that anal sex is just as normal (even if not necessarily as common yet) as vaginal, and I share his experience that it is better.

That said, it’s ultimately up to you as well whether you want to take part in the anal only lifestyle. You have just as much say in it as he does, though you’ll have to accept that he will likely be uninterested in having vaginal sex with you. You shouldn’t take that as anything against you, it’s just that his preference is to be anally exclusive, and that’s how sex with him is going to be. If you’re okay with that, then carry on. If you aren’t, you and he may not be sexually compatible.

My very biased recommendation is going to be to stay anal only with him for a while and continue to explore it if you’re currently enjoying things. You’ll enjoy it more and more the more you do it, and you’ll get to enjoy the many benefits of anal sex and the anal only lifestyle. It can’t hurt to commit to it for now, and of course you can always change your mind down the road if it isn’t working for you. Ultimately, though, it is and should be up to you what you do.